I guarantee at least ONE person in history has made love to a riverboat

As one of our players was missing, we decided to save the conclusion of the Changeling adventure for next week, seeing as how the character in question is rather pivotal to the story. Instead, we decided to get going with the next Deadlands adventure, which was due to start after we finished brainalysing the people who killed Tag all those years ago, and who may or may not have had something to do with Alysiana's amnesia. What we ended up with, aside from beef jerky, was a very bizarre session, to say the least. We alighted a train and took a riverboat over to the very religious City of Lost Angels. Slick seemed to get oddly excited about riverboats and then did his best to incur the wrath of the city's population by blaspheming his li'l heart out.

Meanwhile, Lucky Reynard was trying to get hold of dynamite, and had a spell backfire on him, which set him all aglow; Gunney decided to lay low (he knows about California all too well); and it was found that Mary's "old country" might not have been Ireland, but in fact ... Jamaica.

Like we said, bizarre.

Courtesy of Tuesday 2 August 2011's 1st Edition Deadlands adventure at Chimera.

We kicked off by talking about Game of Thrones, a subject dear to our hearts …

Player 1: “The Lannister twins are closer than close.”
Player 2: “I hope they don’t have any offspring.”
Rest of party: “…”
Player 1: “He’s only seen the first three episodes.”

“So they’re up to a game the whole family can play. Grow your own.”
“It’s a family business.”
“It’s a family activity.”
“No, it’s a family AFFAIR.”
“What does their family tree look like? A stump?”

“Unless you wish to know answers, you should stop asking questions.”

And then we moved on from casual incest. To things like riverboat porn, were-rastas and classic British comedy catchphrases. But that hasn't been transcribed yet, because the person in charge of such things has not yet had the time to go trough the remaining 3½ hours, so here are the bits you get in the meantime:

Player 1 (puts a £2.50 sticker on forehead): “I’m really cheap.”
Player 2: (faceplant)

“I gave you the grumpy, little dwarf.”
“I’ll take Death! No less!”

GM: “If you knew what was happening, you’d be even more scared.”

“Two cans? I’m not sure I can drink that much.”
“Good, because they’re both mine!”

“It’s not proper roleplaying unless the GM has to take a bath afterwards.”

“That was a very bad thing to say.”
“Not in this company.”

GM: “Do people remember everything about where we left off?”
Player 1: “City of Gloom.”
Player 2: “City of Robots!”
Player 3: “Can’t we go to the City of Sunshine and Cake?”
GM: “You are! You’re going to the City of Lost Angels.”
Player 3: “That doesn’t have sunshine OR cake!”
GM: No, but it sounds really nice.”

GM: “Previously on Deadlands …”
Slick: “Gunney, I’m pregnant and I think you’re the father.”

Reynard: “I’m busy rigging my deck. Oops, did I say that aloud?”

“This guy can tell you lots about the City of Lost Angels.”
“DON’T GO THERE! Don’t EVER go there!”

“So THAT’S why my brain feels air-conditioned.”

“K asks ‘what did you do last week?’ – ‘We got off the train!’”

“If I push you, we’ll go so slowly we’d go backwards.”

“I guarantee at least ONE person in history has made love to a riverboat.”

“The riverboat even has a girl’s name!”

“Aww, there’s gonna be a note saying, ‘fuck off and don’t come back’.”

GM: “When you get over here, there’s a wailing sound.”
Player: “Is it Mariah Carey?”
GM: “Only if Mariah Carey sounds like she’s being tortured.”
Player: “Yes?”

“…Or if we shoot a miner.”
“We do not shoot children here, sir.”

“Hey everyone! I’m going to make Alchemy crimes against God!”

“Who needs drugs, you know? We’re roleplaying!”
“I might.”

Slick: “The biggest thing is melting the crucifix.”
Gunney: “I’ll be downstairs.”
Reynard: “I’ll get some grub.”

“Can you get me some more Bibles? I’ve burned them all.”

“Is there good eating on a dragon?”

“We’re in the street, goddamnit!”
“Oh crap.”

“Aaargh, the social attack! Like a Manga character!”

“It’s in the Presidential Suite.”
“I thought this was a boarding house.”
“It is. The Presidential Suite has water.”

“Stubbed your knee on one: damn clues, they’re everywhere!”

Mary: “I’ve found a gizmo!”
Gunney: “What the hell is a gizmo?”
Reynard: (starts humming the Mogwai tune from Gremlins)

“Says the man who’s carrying around napalm in a bottle!”

“We’re not so much living on the edge as in an air balloon 50 feet off the cliff.”
“In a hydrogen balloon, while having a sparkler party.”

“Quite simple really. Building full of people … dynamite …”

Gunney: “I can do science talk.”
Player: “Where’s Gunney and what have you done with him?”

“Old McWolf had a wolf. Woof woof woof woof woof.”

“Approval from me. Might not be the best thing.”

GM: “Grim’s cathedral.”
Player 1: “Does it look grim?”
Player 2: “In my game, that could’ve earned you a hero point. In this game, you earn a frown.”

“You were thinking about shagging a riverboat! How is that a pillar of virtue?”
“PART of me is a pillar …”

“Don’t use Incognito; he’s just here to deliver pizza!”

“If they’re Christians, they won’t allow passage through the back door.”
“Unless it’s man on girl.”
“Or priest on small boy.”

“You can see the Angels moving around inside.”
“DON’T BLINK! If you blink, they move, and they move really fast!”

“HOW many letters?”
“That’s numberwang!”

“Ricky Gervais?”
“Let me re-phrase that. CHARMINGLY bad humour.”

“There is always one way of stopping Canadians.”
“Shoot them?”

“The dice have spoken; I can’t argue.”

“They’re very religious, which goes hand in hand with short-sightedness.”

“Mills & Boon DO have standards.”
“Very, very low ones.”

“You guys buy all that angel bullshit, right?”

Next week should see the end of the Changeling adventure, and then we pick up again in the City of Lost Angels. Adios until then, amigos!

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