Sunday, 22 January 2012

Your recent Glamazon order has been dispatched, with a gun!

Our friend, Count Valdemar, decided to offer the princess and half of his kingdom (so to speak) to the person who can successfully find a cure for the lady in question. This appealed to the whole group, for various reasons. Flora for a chance to shine over the discovery, but as she wouldn't want to marry the Count's daughter and become a Baron, she suggested Finn marry her and Jack take the estates. The other alternative was Alysiana, who would happily take both the girl and the estates. Set was happy just to be on a quest again, bless him.

Finn won the drinking game we were about to embark on at the end of last session, and we decided to forego resting after the party and instead go have a look at the Goblin Market again, because it went so well the first time. Set got to loom over an old lady - without even hitting her (I KNOW, RIGHT?!!) - and after bargaining with a Pookah (bad idea, or, if you're a Pookah, the bestest idea ever) and Finn avoiding the overly friendly Rat Boy, we finally ended up crashing back at Alysiana's. Finn soon found himself in bed with someone far different than a beautiful woman ...

This is what we got after starting the session uncharacteristically late. If only we had started earlier, we could've set a new record. Aww.

Courtesy of Tuesday 17 January 2012’s 2nd Edition Changeling: The Dreaming adventure at Chimera.


“I’m gonna shake your hand, sir, it was so wrong.”

“No, you’re NOT taking notes of this conversation!”
“Wait, why AREN’T you making notes of this?!”

“I’ve decided Captain America is alright, so now I need a new object for my disdain.”
“Aqua Man. You can always hate Aqua Man.”

“Your MOTHER is a window!”
“Your father is a … potato wedge!”
“Touché, sir.”

“I re-state: This is my book. I’m gonna read it until the voices go away.”

“What do Changelings ride in the Arctic? Two Boggans!”
“Actually, that’s not one of your worst.”

Set: “I need to get into character. Trololololol …”
Jack: “Does this mean I have to start (knocks on table)?”

“I cannot fail Athletics. I’m not sure drowning in beer counts.”

“The phrase ‘tearing off the knob’ should not be used in the same sentence as being ‘locked in the toilet’.”

Player: “Do you have a random Drinks table?”
GM: “Yes.”
Player (astounded): “Really?!”

“Basically, Finn’s liver could be used to clean jet engines. And probably power them.”

“This one tastes like paint thinner. …It’s my paint thinner!”

GM: “Oh dear, they’ve brought Dragon’s Brew.”
Player: “Is it made from dragons?”
GM: “The cup needs to be!”

Finn: “I wanna balance this out. Got any shrooms?”
Jack: “NO! WE ARE NOT DOING DRUGS ANYMORE, REMEMBER?”

“We’ll bring some Dragon’s Brew, your lad seems to like it.”
“I would melt a breathalyser.”

“It would be very un-Redcap to say it’s just like the Nazis.”

“It’s gonna be a Changeling version of Wacky Races.”

Set (away from the people he wanted to comment on): “I can’t actually say this, goddamnit. WHY, GM? WHY?”

(The Count offers half his kingdom and his daughter’s hand in marriage to the person that can cure her of her ailment)
Flora: “Sir, what if I don’t want to marry her?”

Count Valdemar: “Who is going to save her?”
Finn: “I’ll give it a shot.”
Flora: “I’ll give it two!”

Alysiana: “I’ll take the girl and the estates.”
Player: “You’re not on our team! You’re not allowed to wear the team T-shirt!”

Set: “Finally! A quest!”
Player: “Someone excited the Smurf.”

“You need to be B.A. Baracus.”
“I’m B.A. Baracus.”
“No, you’re Face. He’s B.A. Baracus, I’m Murdock and she’s the inevitable hot girl that ends up coming along.”

“In the words of Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli: I’m in.”

“We should wait for the GM to come back before we check if the magic item’s working.”

Finn: “Could you seduce him?”
Alysiana: “No. There’s a slight ‘I want to kill you for breaking my backup’.”

Set or Jack: “If we hold it at the Goblin Market, who knows what they’ll bet? I don’t wanna end up with memories of someone’s first kiss just because I lost a hand.”
Finn: “I do!”

“The Redcaps are definitely there; they tried to eat me.”

“We all go into the Dreaming and follow the literary tropes.”

“They’ve threatened to kill Finn if they ever see him in town.”
“It’s like a Jihad, but only for chavs.”

“So you have a plan that doesn’t involve sex in any way?”

“Let’s get some rest. Finn is swaying dangerously close to a 45° angle.”

“You’re not going anywhere alone, short stuff. You’d get stabbed and then mounted.”
“Hopefully in that order.”

Finn: “I’m having a rest, you’re going on a quest, this is for the best … I’m writing a new song.”

“You’re writing the next Bat Out of Hell; keep it up.”

“We’re officially questing. This is the sewer level.”

“Unless you want to get raped by the rat again, don’t jump into the water.”

“There’s a party in my mouth and everyone’s invited … but not you. The red tape’s up.”

GM: “So she’s gonna die before you’re done fighting over who’s trying to catch her.”
Finn: “Yeah, but Set’s doing it usefully … I’m doing it in the wrong direction.”

(whispering)
“We have to be really quiet.”
“We’re hunting wabbits.”

“I have no points in Gremayre.”
“…Our plan is all going down the toilet, and I’m happy I didn’t cause it.”

Alysiana: “See? I was useful.”
Finn: “I never doubted you being useful. I’ve seen a video.”

“I’ve never had a stranger urge to high-five anyone.”

(making a guest appearance after the word “Louisiana” mentioned)
Slick: “I think you’re being very unfair on my countrymen. Also: do you want to buy anything?”

“Oh god, we’re in Labyrinth, people!”

Player: “Wait, did he say ‘granny’?”
Set: “NO! NO!! NO!!! NO!!!! NO!!!!!”

“I think I just failed my Patience roll.”

NPC: “He’s looming and everything! I don’t like loomers.”

Player: “This feels like a situation where we’re getting to hit an old woman.”
Set: “Oh no! No, no, no, no …”

Player 1: “This is my friend the Geriatric Killer.”
Player 2: “He has a +1 to old people.”
Set: “SHUT UP!”
Player 3: “And a +3 to octogenarians.”
Set: “Shut up!”
Player 4: “I have heard of this Geriatric Killer. At least this time, why not let her hit first?”
Player 2: “Unlikely to happen.”

“Why is this so hard for everyone to understand? It’s not the Krypton Factor.”

“There’s a goblin postal service – my quest is done.”

“Is there a goblin version of Amazon?”
“Glamazon!”

(sings) “The power of lo-ove, a voice from abo-ove, Set’s gonna get his leg humped …”

Player: “You don’t need to dominate to beat an old biddy.”
Finn: “No you don’t, I should know, I’ve fought them too. But mine had radioactive cancer breath! Or something. Glowing eyes … and demon wings.”
Set: “You beat a cancer patient, that makes me absolved.”

(showing a text to another player) “You can translate younger people. Does this mean I’ve lost?”

“Set has more than old women going for him. He has a nice car.”
“And a gun.”
“Suspenders and a bra.”

Set: “Name your price.”
Pookah: “Definitely not five gold dross.”
Set: “How about four?”
Jack: “Bargaining with a Pookah … You silly man.”

Set: “Am I gaining any Banality for listening to this?”
Player 1: “No, just an overwhelming urge to shoot yourself.”
Player 2: “Or the Pookah.”

“We can watch from the sidelines, it’ll be hilarious.”

“A mighty dragon with blue eyes!”
“That’s our police wagon, sir. Would you like to see the inside of it?”
“Ahh, the belly of the beast!”

Alysiana: “I’m not a whore, thank you very much!”

“The place is just so … so …”
“Sticky.”

Player: “Alysiana’s a lady?”
Alysiana: “I could be a lady, if I could remember who I was before.”

Alysiana: “Next time, we’ll have to buy a mobile phone.”
Jack: “Buy?”
Alysiana: “And meddle with it.”
Jack: “Now you’ve used ‘buy’ AND ‘meddle’. I BUILD!”

“I phoned the talking clock. It wasn’t the same.”

“Time is not the same unless it’s told to you by someone who sounds like they’re gonna kill themselves.”

“I have five dots in Crosseyed Journey. It’s a new Art.”

Player: “This was a group effort.”
GM: “Serves me right for going to the toilet.”

“My god, the power of Journey has mesmerised him!”

“I can’t think of anyone less likely than Alysiana to have a bed divider.”

Alysiana: “I’m a foot away from it, of course I’m awake.”

GM: “You feel whiskers on your face.”
Finn: “Alysiana, I knew you’d come around.”
Rat boy: “I want you! You’re beautiful!”
Finn: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!!”

Ahhh, it's good to be back! :D

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