Ballooning with Portuguese Ninjas

Our investimagation took us back to the nutty professor, who gave us copies of the things he had given Abigail the night before - which was just as well. The navy lieutenant with the scary shadow was not the navy guy the paperwork was supposed to have gone to ... On the plus side, Brown got deputised, but it still didn't stop people from calling him "boy" even though he's 32.

Then we went down to the docks, stowed Hummingbird's darling balloon onto a ship, and sailed off to the islands off the coast of Spain, shown on the paperwork. Things would have been fantastic in the waters of Spain, if it wasn't for the fact that our characters were created for urban 19th Century London ...

The island we arrived at was something else. Hummingbird took Brown along in the balloon to do a bit of scouting. Fortunately, there was a more experienced balloonist there who could do most of the work. Hummingbird, we discovered, was 90% talk about how fabulous he is as a balloonist ... and only 10% actually skilled. It was quite possibly his very first time in the air.

Up at the manor, where Abigail had been suggested she go to find company better suited to a lady, everyone curiously had very familiar names. And meatcleavers, as it turned out. In the docks, Boaty enjoyed the local rum and was horrified at what the Spanish subject their omelettes to. (Potatoes? Who'd ever do such a thing?!) That was before all hell broke lose and he had to flee the scene, chased by a mob of flesh-eating maniacs.

Luckily, both party members were picked up in the balloon, which then developed a leak and, because of some brilliant dice rolls when they really needed to be brilliant, landed square on our ship. Sadly, there wasn't much left of the crew. Brown got taken over by evil smoke, Abigail fainted, and everyone jumped ship. Hummingbird made it to an island first ... and got his eyes ripped out by Brown, and then his head was turned a good 180. Boaty, seeing this from where he was swimming, mercy-shot Abigail and was about to kill himself when someone else did it for him.

50% dead and 50% have their souls taken over ... that's not that bad, is it? Well, this was the last session after all ...

Courtesy of Tuesday 12 June 2012's Call of Cthulhu adventure at Chimera.

Player 1: “How can no one know it’s Father’s Day on Sunday?”
Player 2: “I don’t have a father.”
Player 1: “You were immaculately conceived?”
Player 3: “It’s the second coming of Christ!”
Player 4: “Well, it would be more believable than the first one, right?”

“That’s the last time I buy a dog from mysterious men in pointy hats. Never trust Wizards!”

“I ran in to a guy who was as good at punning as you.”
“No! No, you didn’t! There can’t be. The universe would implode.”

“My character used to be alive, but then he took an arrow to the knee. And in this, it’s lethal.”

“I’d take the piss more, but you’ve seen my handwriting.”

“This is Call of Cthulhu, you don’t WANT to figure out what it says.”

Brown: “Can I extract myself from underneath the corpse?”
Boaty: “No, you’re technically evidence.”
Brown. “Okay, I’ll just keep lying here, then.”

GM: “It’s another naval officer.”
Abigail: “Is it the same one from earlier?”
GM: “No.”
Abigail: “Is he single?”

NPC: “It was my attach√©.”
Boaty: “Isn’t that a case?”
Brown: “I think THIS is a case, sir.” (indicating the corpse on top of him)
Boaty: “No, that’s evidence, boy.”

Hummingbird: “The Emperor of China didn’t think my balloon was a safety hazard!”

Brown: “Is the evidence allowed to get slightly tipsy?”

“We’re all in a drawing room. Start solving the murder!”

“They’re called ninjas and hide in shadows. I saw a shadow and there was a dodgy fellow in it.”

Boaty: “The only evidence is the woman and the boy.”
Brown: “I’m 32, sir.”

Boaty: “Describe the naval officer!”
Abigail: “He was about my age, good-looking—”
Boaty (to Brown): “Sir, please continue. The woman has already started deviating from the description.”

“That wasn’t someone putting on a voice. It was an actual small child.”

Hummingbird: “You know the ruins of [somewhere]?”
Professor Whittall: “Yes. I discovered them.”
Hummingbird: “I’ve been there. How did you get past the Pygmies?”
Professor Whittall: “I sent in the soldiers first.”

“Note to you, Londoner: all Portuguese are mercenaries.”

“Wait a minute. You’ve been to Japan?”
“About 15-20 years ago.”
“That’s all right then. Monkeys don’t live that long.”

Boaty (to Whittall): “You’re now a contact!”
Hummingbird: “We’ll be seeing you! …I didn’t mean that as a threat.”

NPC: “Smythe! Portuguese ninjas?”
Hummingbird: “Deadly creatures.”

Boaty: “The woman can describe him.”
Abigail: “Who?”
Boaty: “The naval officer. The pretty one.”

Brown: “Well, this has sure been an adventure. Time to head on home.”
Hummingbird: “Nonsense! You’ll see this through to the end.”

“What’s the opposite of meta-gaming?”
“Whatever it is, we’re doing it.”

“Sorry, I was reminiscing.”

Boaty (to Abigail): “I’m not letting you out of my sight. You’re the only evidence we’ve still got that isn’t deputised.”

NPC: “You’ll learn as you get older.”
Brown: “I’m 32. I’m not gonna get much older.”

Player: “The balloon’s got Finn attached to it? How did that happen?”
Finn: “Hello! I don’t know how I got here. I fell asleep and then it’s 1891.”

Boaty: “Mickey. That’s your name.”
Brown: “What? No, it’s … Okay, why not.

GM: “…Oddly good-looking for a man, sort of an officer.”
Player: “Like Hitler.”
Brown: “Who?”

“I am worried we’re about to end up in Lost.”

NPC: “If there was a Portuguese ninja on board, it could easily make up for the lack of a crew.”

NPC: “One’s Argentinian.”
Hummingbird: “Well, you can’t trust them.”
NPC: “The other one’s French.”
Hummingbird: “Throw him overboard!”

“I look at the islands through a spyglass.”
“Does one of them have loud music coming from it? It might be Ibiza.”

Brown (enthusiastically): “You’ve told me so many stories about your fantastic adventures.”
Hummingbird (flatly): “Yes, I did, didn’t I.”

Hummingbird (to balloonist): “I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ll give you a guinea not to tell.”

Hummingbird: “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a balloon and I’m overcome with –” (about to throw up)
Brown (full of genuine admiration): “It’s amazing to see you in your element, sir.”

“You know what I said earlier about scales and tipping points? Welcome to the tipping point!”

Boaty: “So, are you rich?”
Abigail: “I’m a governess. What do you think?”
Boaty: “Well, are you?”
Abigail: “No.”
Boaty: “Never mind, then.”

“The Empire was not won by people like us.”

“Someone took a ballooning skill.”
“Just enough to take the piss.”
“Piss has been taken.”

GM: “The islanders don’t look quite normal.”
Player: “Are they foreigners?”

“In true Cthulhian fashion, anyone who isn’t us is evil. Except the Brits.”

“This rum isn’t … rum.”

NPC: “My name is Abigail.”
Abigail: “So is mine.”
Player: “This is weird …”

Boaty: “What the fuck is that? Why would you put potatoes in an omelette?”

“It’s you in the past!”
“No, it’s not you in the past; it’s you from the future!”

“I throw it over my shoulder. I expect it to shatter.”
“So does the universe.”

NPC: “I’m Australian.”
Player: “That’s unexpected.”

“Everyone in Australia is a ninja! It’s how they survive death ten times a day!”

“I was over-egging my drunkenness.”
“Like they over-egged that omelette.”

Hummingbird: “It’s been nice knowing you, Michael.”
Brown (automatically): “My name isn’t … oh.”

“Gentlemen, the penny dreadfuls lied!”

Hummingbird: “I stand on the deck, watching my balloon as it dies.”

“Oh yeah, it probably has a skeleton crew.”
“This is Cthulhu; it might literally be a skeleton crew.”

Brown (insane): “You WERE fucking Portuguese!” (shoots a crew member)

GM: “How do you react?”
Abigail: “The only way any Victorian lady would react. I SHALL FAINT!” (slams fist on table)

GM: “Would you like to lose 8 Sanity?”
Player: “Not really.”

“I’ll have a side serving of insanity, please.”

Abigail: “This is a bad time to be unconscious, right?”

GM: “The water’s black.”
Hummingbird: “Aww no. There’s me thinking it would finish with me in the water on top of the balloon, head in hand, going ‘well, that didn’t pan out’.”

GM: “It’s going to be fine.”
Player: “Don’t believe him.”

GM: “Did anyone take the Swimming skill?”
Player 1: “No, because the adventure was going to be set in London!”
Player 2: “Well, there’s the Thames.”
Player 3: “You don’t want to swim in that.”
Player 4: “It wouldn’t require a swim skill. More like a Walking roll.”

Hummingbird: “Follow my voice! Eventually my balloon will find me! I’ve heard they do that.”

“When Hummingbird actually fights, he’s like a rabid hobo.”

“Dodge like … Frosty the Snowman. Well, that’s the end of my life.”

“This going insane and murderous has worked out a lot better than last time.”

Brown: “Usually, it’s the master of the poorhouse that I kill in my sleep.”

GM: “You put on your white suit.”
Boaty: “Do I have a white suit?”
Rest of the party: “You do now!”

“He was E.T. with an attitude. He just wanted to go home.”

Next time, we're starting a campaign of Shadowrun. Also, if you like our Facebook page, you can see when we don't have a session. Like last week. See, if you had been on the page, you would've known. ;)