Wednesday, 25 December 2013

I have to lick … I mean, tend to his wounds

Part two of Meanwhile in Narnia, where the team of Jurisfiction agents have finally made it into Stephen King's The Shining, which is apparently a children's book now.

At the snow-covered Overlook Hotel, the agents look for statues of what are probably petrified Narnians, avoid being read by diving behind a bush and then interrogating little Danny Torrance, busy riding around the hallways on his tricycle. Admittedly, the GM has never read The Shining and therefore based everything that happened here on the Stanley Kubrick film, which of course has very little to do with the actual novel.

Also, there were clues, leading Alice to suspect Mr Tumnus from Narnia might be involved. Who else has hairy legs, horns and wears a red scarf? The Turkish deligh definitely must come from Narnia!

Courtesy of 11 December 2013's 2nd Edition Jurisfiction adventure at Chimera.


“I’m not familiar with this King Stephen. Perhaps you could introduce us?”

“Are you eccentric?”
“No, I’m a wee bit crazy.”
“Oh. Well, so long as it’s only a little bit.”
“Yeah, I don’t mind it.”

Long John: “I read that in a book.”
Polly: “In your bunk.”
Long John: “Not THAT book!”

Louis: “Did you read a self-help book?”
Long John: “Not just one. I read the entire section at the library.”

Other table: “… Lots of penises and vaginas.”
Player 1 on our table: “That’s a strange thing to over-hear.”
Player 2 on our table: “And I thought OUR scenario was unsettling.”

Polly: “No, rum is brilliant. You get wasted.”
Long John: “See? Polly understands SOMETHING.”
Polly: “Shut up.”
Long John: “You too.” (pause, adds) “Love you!”
Player: “It’s a bitter relationship.”

“We need to go to The Shining. I understand it’s in the Kingdom of Stephen?”

Alice: “This is the Cheshire cat. We share a narrative.”

Cheshire Cat: “I will see you later. Later, I will see you.”
Alice (to party): “He’s a little strange at first, but you get used to him.”

Polly: “Why didn’t you give me a coat? Or a hat?”
Louis: “I take my hat and stick it over Polly.”
Polly: “Ooh, I’m all warm now.” (falls asleep and starts snoring)
Louis: “I take the hat off.”
Polly: “I’m cold now.” (Louis puts it back on, Polly snores again)
Louis: “You have a strange parrot, sir.”
Long John (tired): “You have no idea.”

Alice: “We could build a sledge. I like sledging, but it’s never winter in Wonderland.”
Long John: “Technically, if it’s a petrified person, we could use him as a sledge.”

Long John: “I’m not skipping, because that’s DANGEROUS.”

GM: “It’s a labyrinth. A big hedge maze.”
Player: “I have David Bowie singing in my head right now.”

Alice: “Is that like that young boy who was on that … horizontal bed thing?”
Long John: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Alice: “Oh, of course you don’t; that was another sea captain. He seemed very excited about the boy being tied up.”

“I think all sea-faring men are missing a limb.”
“It’s a dangerous profession.”

“Not breadcrumbs like Hansel and Gretel, that would be silly.”

“Superpower: lesbian seduction.”
“Essentially, yes.”

Carmilla: “To be fair, she doesn’t fair very well in the narrative.”
Long John: “Does he kill her?”
Carmilla: “Only a little bit, with the axe.”

Carmilla: “It would be … Which side am I on?!”

Alice: “If you see a lady that looks like the White Witch, you shoot her.”
Louis: “Oh, I will.”

GM: “Alice is actually the senior agent.”
Player: “Scary thought.”

“Let’s go find the psychopath I AM allowed to shoot!”

Alice: “It’s very poor etiquette eating the senior agent, you know.”

“I’m sorry we’re all bush-diving.”

“When we started, I thought I was going to be the only one doing this.”

“He just sounded sort of child-molestery.”

GM: “A small boy comes out the door.”
Louis: “I prepare the rifle.”
Player: “That won’t be a problem in the narrative!”

Carmilla’s player: “Why aren’t you older? Carmilla’s creeping me out now!”
Player 1: “Really?! It’s taken you THIS long?!”
Player 2: “NOW? NOW is it?!”

GM: “One’s a 7-year-old girl!”
Player: “I know! It’ll be fun, right?”
GM: “Should we have another scrota-meter? What about a paedophile meter?”

“I’m the one with the character flaw of Soft with Kids, which doesn’t mean ANYTHING like what’s currently going on with YOUR people!”
“I guess it means a certain part of your body doesn’t go hard when you’re around kids.”
“Yes.”
“Unlike other people.”
“Yes. Like the rest of the party.”

GM: “At the end of chapter somewhere near the beginning?”

“I’m assuming Mr Eccentric gets eccentric soon?”

“I think Alice has become central to the plot in some bizarre way.”

“I’ll stay out here in your bush.”

Louis: “I look for the key cards. Why are there no key cards?!”
GM: “Because it’s 1977?”

Carmilla: “All keys seem to be here.”
Louis: “They’re KEYS?! How antique!”

Alice: “Hello, young sir!”
GM: “He stops the bike.”
Danny: “Hello?”
Alice: “My name’s Alice. Very pleased to meet you!”
GM: “He looks at the hand.”
Danny: “Mom said I can’t talk to strangers.”

Danny: “Does your dad also get crazy and chase you with an axe?”
Alice: “… No. No, that never happens.”
Danny: “‘Cause that’s what my dad does.”
Alice: “That’s quite unfortunate. It must be very vexing.”
Danny: “Yeah, but you get used to it eventually.”
Alice: “I suppose one gets used to everything eventually.”
Danny: “Yeah. Now we know when to duck.”
Alice: “… I suppose that would be useful, yes …”

Danny: “Does your mom save you?”
Alice: “I save myself.”
Danny: “Really? Do you do that when you’re bigger?”
Alice: “Oh, I’m bigger for quite a lot of the narrative, yes, but then sometimes I’m very small as well.”

Danny: “How old are you?”
Alice: “Why, I’m seven.”
Danny: “You’re really old. I’m five.”
Player 1: “Old woman!”
Player 2: “How to destroy a woman’s confidence.”
GM: “And she’s only seven.”
Alice’s player: “I’m already past it.”
GM: “He’s a tactful little lad.”

“First time The Shining has ever been referred to as a children’s book.”

Player 1: “Go on, look, it’s snack size.”
Carmilla: “It’s a boy, eeewwwww!”
Player 2: “It tastes all wrong and is full of germs!”

“Did he have a red scarf by any chance?”
“Yeah … Like blood.”

Carmilla: “You don’t need to be scared of blood, really.”
Alice: “Well, so long as it stays on the inside.”
Danny: “It’s kind of sticky and when it comes out of the elevator, it’s really gross, ‘cause it’s like a big wave of just blood and it’s red and sticky.”
Player: “Carmilla is now turned on.”
Alice: “I’m not sure I should be in this narrative.”
Carmilla: “… Where is this elevator? All this talk of food is making me hungry.”

“Please, can I lick your elevator?”

Carmilla: “I really enjoyed the blood in the elevator.”
Louis: “Carmilla! Let’s go!”

“Something important, before you go too far, you can’t penetrate.”

“I have to lick … I mean, tend to his wounds.”

“He’s a faun, so he doesn’t really have to wear trousers.”
“Oh, so they’ve fallen off, like in that joke I DIDN’T tell earlier?”

Long John: “I knew a woman like that once. I need to stop telling my sea stories.”
Carmilla: “You really do.”

“I don’t want to think with my head!”

Carmilla: “I’m only 17.”
Player: “Going on 1700!”

To be continued in the new year! Merry Yuletidemas!

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