Wednesday, 12 November 2014

The appropriate barbecuing of goblin chefs

Having liberated an owlbear by killing it rather than setting it free, we continued to explore Cragmaw Castle with our new friend Theren. We found the kitchen, where we basically stormed in and killed a bunch of people without warning, thus making one of us remark, "You realise this is like someone running into Chimera and gunning us all down, right?" or words to that effect.

Well, in D&D you kill first and ask questions later. It's like a rule and everything.

In one of the rooms, we came across some scrolls - one of which was Revivify, which allows you to resurrect a dead character within a minute of their demise. If only we had had one of them to hand last session ...

It would appear that we have finished exploring the castle, so can now be on our way back to Phandalin to hand in the quest and get rewarded.

Courtesy of Wednesday 5 November 2014's 5th Edition Dugeons & Dragons roleplaying session at Chimera.

Dungeons & Dragons

“We should encourage chav bomb making. There would be fewer of them.”

“Roleplaying and cookies, how could life possibly be any better?”

“You’re going to be the sweet, sugary death of me, S.”

“Are you paying too much for your black market organs?”
“Yes. – Oh, you meant rhetorically.”

Shop owner: “Is K trying to break the rules again?”

“You saw black and thought it was bad. Racist!”
“I’m a Daily Mail reader, okay?!”

“This is the experimental part of the evening.”
“Do you want some salty liquorice with that?”

GM: “It contains 90 electrum pieces.”
Player (to note-taker): “Accountant!”

“I just can’t stop laughing. Sorry!”
“No, you’re not.”

“24.”
“Crit.”
“You had to outshine me, didn’t you?”

“Why have we suddenly started learning from our own mistakes?”
“It doesn’t sound like our group, what’s happened?”

Karak-Dag: “Shall we kill them all?”
Theren: “That’s the kind of conflict resolution this group prefers? Excellent.”

Theren: “I would say I’d steal something from you, but … you know.”
Tan: “I’m a monk, I don’t need much.”
Theren: “I can tell.”

“It’s not like she’s a monster, BUT …”

GM: “Extra crispy!”
Player 1: “They were all barbecued.”
Player 2: “And they were chefs! How appropriate!”

Malinda: “These were not your friends, were they, Sooty?” (having just burned a bunch of goblins)
Sooty (quickly): “NO!”

“Let me draw you a Venn diagram about politicians and evil.”

(kills a hobgoblin with an arrow to the head)
Theren: “You’re not missing Rhogar now, are you?”

Player: “I got two crits.”
GM: “I’ll take that one.” (points at die)

Brit: “They taste like Prawns.”
Swede 1: “Prawns?”
Brit: “Soft, chewy sweets that look like prawns.”
Swede 2 (to Swede 1): “And they call US weird.”

GM: “M’s action?”
Player (nods at shop counter): “Buying a drink.”

“Staff them to death.”

“I’ll give it a shot, anyway.”
“Literally.”

“Crit.”
“Just call him Legolas.”

“One.”
“Your damage rolls are like my d20 rolls.”

GM: “One glass of dwarven brandy makes you feel better. Two glasses makes you feel ill.”
Player: “How true that is.”

Hematite: “Noooo! Our pack horse is dead.”
Rhogar: “I haunt you now, Hematite. And don’t you Turn Undead me. That would be very rude.”

(GM talks about censers)
“Sensor? What kind of sensor? A radioactive sensor?”
“No. Mary Whitehouse.”

“You crited? I’m so proud of you right now.”

“No, you’re a High Elf. You’re a ponce.”
“I’ve killed like ten things, don’t make me make you the eleventh.”

“We feast on goblin cheese.”
“That sounds so wrong.”

“Roll a d20 and don’t roll low for a change.”

“We can hunt. It won’t be long before we’re attacked by a big chunk of meat anyway.”

Tan: “Where did you come from?”
Goblin: “The kitchen.”
Tan: “Before then?”
Goblin: “My mother?”
Player: “Oh my god, it’s Rain Man the goblin.”

Karak-Dag: “I take it he tried to escape?”
Theren: “Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Starting next session, we're moving back to Tuesdays, and we're starting out playing the Firefly boardgame, so will try to get something from out of the archives for next week's post.

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