This is completely unrealistic!

A player couldn't make the session last week, and instead of continuing the raid on the water cultists, we decided to play some boardgames instead. However, I didn't bring the quote pad, so here's a little something we prepared earlier.

Still D&D, just a different group and a different adventure. This group is doing the Hoard of the Dragon Queen, and while most of the players are different, the GM is the original D&D GM in our regular group, and contrary to popular stereotype, I'm not playing the Cleric: I'm a Forest Gnome Wizard! The GM described a Forest Gnome Wizard as "a little like Radagast" and went on explaining further. My comment was "YOU HAD ME AT RADAGAST". :D

I think these two session excerpts are the very first two sessions of the campaign.

Courtesy of a couple 5th Edition Dugeons & Dragons roleplaying sessions on Skype.

Dungeons & Dragons

Saturday 25 April 2015

“We’re fighting against a ragtag group ... does that make us the bad guys?”
“I think it makes us Cylons, doesn't it?”
“I was thinking that. They’re not a fugitive fleet.”
“To be fair, the red light slowly moving across Vodka's forehead is the big clue.”

“It’s not murder, it’s defensive warfare.”
“Of course it is.”

“OMG! He wants us to capture and torture someone!”
“Woot!!!! Erm, I mean, that’s grave business.”

“If a kobold starts humping your leg, you’ve only got yourself to blame.”

“PA, of course that’s Paladin. What else has a P?”
“They’re not necessarily mutually exclusive.”

“What’s that, Lassie? The mill is burning?”
“There’s trouble oop at t’ mill.”

“I’m not sure 6 counts as reacting ...”

Player: “Aren’t they swarming?”
GM: “Yes, this is the surprise round.”

“Real rats don’t behave like they do in D&D! This is completely unrealistic!”

“That is a form of torture, I agree.”
“That’s a form of murder, more like.”

“I have a suspicion we’ve never rounded up as players, because I would have remembered that favourably.”

“If you level up your carp form it’ll turn into a dragon.”

GM: “You don’t have to worry about it because it’s not in the Monster Manual yet.”

Player: “Why’s it got to be that size?”
GM: “Because that’s the image I have in my head!”

“Then what good are you?”
“I ate a cultist.”

“Please shoot me and piss on my grave if I ever compliment a Michael Bay film.”

“Three kobolds with advantage killed his character.”
“Weren’t they orcs?”
“No, they were goblins.”

Saturday 2 May 2015

“We’ve already discussed that the snake would destroy the mill because reasons.”

“So Tenebrae is being accidentally heroic, is what you’re saying?”
“Tenebrae is always accidentally heroic.”

“Why did Tenebrae sneak twice?”
“Because you didn’t see him the first time.”

“Many evil things died this day.”
“Nom nom nom nom.”

“I’m just making my own jokes here, carry on.”

“I can cauterise the wound with a Fire Bolt?”

“How much does it take to crack the paladin?”

“Well, dragons are scary.”

Should be back to normal again next week!