Don't mess with Jerry's Revenge

These are the quotes from the first session's Syzygy game, at session one of ChimeraCon 7 - a 24 hour roleplaying event at Chimera in Beeston - dated 10 March 2012. This is one of those posts we've had tucked away for a rainy day. Anyway:

In this Syzygy session, we were on a Jupiter-sized planet, trying to break into a big skyscraper kind of building, to steal something from the basement. When we weren't doing that, we were cutting up security guards in dustbins, trying to infiltrate sex parties by carrying backpacks full of dildos, implanting chips into someone's ballsack ... then removing the chip and putting in a coin instead ... and then cutting out the coin ... and the GM was astonished at the level of madness displayed in the first session.

We then got attacked by a super soldier programme gone wrong (wow, big surprise there) which turned people into plasma-resistant acid hug zombies, and we had to try fleeing from the planet, with or without the guy who hired us to do the job in the first place.

Oh, and then there's Jerry. There's always Jerry.

(Well, there's no Syzygy logo ...)

“He has a family emergency that finishes at 7.”

“I don’t think I wanna be in a group where it’s profitable for them to kill me.”

“Dysfunctional team!”
“We’re not dysfunctional; we’re exciting.”

“I prefer to work alone. Other people tend to throw up.”
“I only did that ONCE!”

“I can’t stand the sight of blood!”
“You’re our First Aider!!”

GM: “I’m officially sickened by myself.”

“They’re KILL-BOTS! OF COURSE they’re dangerous!”

“They’re not kill-bots, they’re military grade security enforcement robots.”
“But they’re KNOWN as kill-bots.”
“Because they have Gatling guns on each arm? That’s … yeah, okay.”

“What’s your character’s name? If you have one.”

“We used to go around murdering people, no problem!”
“That’s how we lost Jerry!”
“It’s not MY fault he was standing in the way of the nuke when it went off.”

“John, you’ve … grown.”
“I drank Rohypnol.”

“We COULD do that, but I prefer the killing method.”

“I still say we should replace one of the kill-bot’s Gatling guns with a blender and sell it as a household appliance.”

GM: “They currently have a very … adventurous party going on. Swingers galore.”
Player: “I was going to be subtle and ask if it involved car keys in bowls, but okay.”

“I should go up to the sexy party. Fuck you!”

“Oww! Can’t get aroused! Think unsexy thoughts!”
“Think of Jerry!”

“How are you getting in?”
“I dress in fetish gear with a leash and say ‘I’m sorry I’m late for the party. I need to have sex with someone, teeheehee’.”

“How are we going to hide the parachutes?”
“I’m dressed in a full-body gimp suit, apparently.”
“Ohh! Put dildos on top of the backpack!”

“It depends; do you prefer leather or latex?”

“It’s a subsidiary of a bigger company. Like GAME and GameStation.”

Player: “Is the corridor garishly coloured?”
GM: “It’s neutrally coloured.”
Player: “It’s a prison! Get out of there!”

“I’m not going back in there, and I do wet work.”

“I hate to agree with my friend here, but they might have got a trip tracker in your testicles.”

“I don’t know how I COULD make you calm down. You are genuinely distraught.”

“I’ve booby-trapped the dildos continuously.”

“On a personal level, I’m marking down one wound to my abdomen.”

Player 1: “We need to have a serious conversation here.”
Player 2: “I already know how to have sex.”
Player 3: “When a man and a woman love each other very much …”

“I’m pretty sure we’re not getting paid now.”

GM: “A news report comes on, saying there’s been an explosion at the space port.”
Player 1: “That was MY idea!”
Player 2: “It’s a terrible idea.”
GM: “A group of religious cultists…”
Player 1: “That wasn’t my idea.”

“Why did you put a coin in his junk?!”
“It’s a coin purse!”

GM: “It’s slot ONE! Stop doing crazy shit! This is the SANE period.”

“You looked particularly grumpy.”
“You’d look grumpy too if you had your balls sliced open!”

“You’re a douchebag, sir.”

“If you’re dead, you can’t be arrested for fraud.”

“Let’s get to the ship and talk about this in a nice tropical beach environment.”

“You’d look like the thing I left in the trash can.”
“Except you wouldn’t smell as deliciously.”

“Nigel White? That’s a stupid name. Not like El Boobz; that’s a classy name.”

“It was supposed to be a super soldier programme.”
“It’s ALWAYS a super soldier programme.”

“They have an uncontrollable urge to hug?”

“No! If you move them, bad things will happen! Have you not seen Indiana Jones?”

“There’s no way I can hold the door closed with my Physique of one and no skills.”

“The explosion would tear you apart and jellify you at the same time.”
“Mmm, jelly.”

“I’ve narrowed it down to two.”
“Good. Narrow it down further.”

Player: “What floor are we on?”
GM: “Three hundred and … I did write this down …”

“You know what would be useful here? Kill-bots with Gatling guns.”

“Do you have any kind of weapon skills?”
“I have Rohypnol.”

GM: “I love drama.”

“I’ll pull you up as we fly away.”
“Also, I have the case of money, so don’t drop us.”
“I get an incentive bonus to my lifting!”

“We just got really rich, or we just got shafted.”

“We’ve not just met scrota; we’ve met scrota so big even God himself would be impressed.”

“How can there be nine numbers on ten codes? …Oh.”
“You’re NOT rolling to help with this bit.”

“You have Demolition? Why didn’t you say that earlier? I had plans for Demolition.”
“Demolishing things?”

“I don’t want to have security systems to beep at me every time and having to explain that I have a coin in my ballsack.”

“There’s Micky Three-eyes. Hope he’s not sore since the last time.”
“Stop putting coins in people’s ballsacks!”

“So what’s he smuggling this time? Any guesses?”

GM: “One hour? I’ve got four hours more of plot!”
Player: “I’m fine with winning.”

“In an asteroid field.”
“Aww, I don’t wanna!”

“It adds two? That’s useless even when it works!”

“Aim gun at girl. She might be infected. Walk past, absolutely no interaction.”
“We just killed three trillion people.”

“There’s no heat in this room.”
“Oh god, it’s a trap.”

“If this turns out to be a horrible, murdering child, I’m getting the first shot in.”

“How well do you know Micky?”
“I have no idea who he is.”
“Actually, he’s the captain. He might want to go down with his ship.”
“Good point!” (drops Micky on the floor)

“You get into space. I’ll make it, ‘cause I’m fucking badass.”

“That sounds hilarious enough to work; let’s try it.”

GM: “Micky’s perfectly fine in this round.”
Player: “Damn that alcohol; I should’ve got wasted.”

“It was definitely the best paid mission we’ve ever done, but it’s still the shittest.”

Yes, the rainy day. Well, there was an unforseen event on Tuesday, and there weren't many quotes written down as a consequence. We need to figure some stuff out, but once the dust has settled, quotage should resume. Hopefully next week.