Can we just call this 'The Monumental Fuck-up'?

So, umm, bad things happened.

Well, there was thing thing called the Prometheus Project, which can allegedly extend Juicers' limited lifespans. This was appealing to Donna, for obvious reasons.

Then ... well it came to the point where she was fined for not being able to show her papers, she went to pay it, was asked for her papers again (we were still waiting for the new forgeries), and shit kicked off. She destroyed a toilet which caused the building to go into lockdown. Gorbash set off a fusion block outside, blowing a crater in the street and taking not just a couple of Coalition State soldiers with it, but a number of civilians. Seeing as how he sort of can't differentiate between civilians and soldiers because they're all Coalition Staters (basically "all Germans were Nazis") ... the characters with a bit more fixed moral compass (read: Elyssia and Jayson) are ... not very pleased.

Oh, and Gorbash doesn't like haute cuisine. It's too bland for him. It's like what an iced bun is to Swedes ...

It's so dull I’m checking Facebook

Last session we played the Firefly boardgame and I didn't take notes because I was too busy cruisin' the 'Verse. Sooo here's one we prepared earlier!

(It's the last one of this year's Eurovision posts, honest.)

A quick re-cap: Austria won in 2014, meaning the two semi-finals and one final were hosted in Vienna. Brits don't really care much for Eurovision, but it's a massive thing in Sweden (spoiler: they won ... again) and there are two Swedes in the roleplaying group, so commenting on Eurovision is kind of a given.

This session was made up of 50% Swedes and 50% Brits, in 100% snark mode.

Courtesy of Saturday 23 May 2015's Eurovision Song Contest grand final.

“You know if Japan was in it, they WOULD have a mech suit.”

“So it starts off on a bored note.” (Slovenia)

“It would be funny if they tripped on the headphone cable.” (Slovenia)

“You know what she needs, don’t you? A moustache.”
“It may have come last, but it’s still catchier than any songs this year.” (France)

“Well, at least he didn’t end the verse by saying ‘and now I’m going to kill myself’.” (Israel)

“This song is REALLY uneven.”
“YES.” (Israel)

“I remember this. It’s Johnny Cash meets Buddy Holly.” (Estonia)

“He still can’t sing low notes.” (Estonia)

“Turkey basters?!” (United Kingdom)

“They’re no Engelbert Humperdinck, but maybe that’s a good thing.” (United Kingdom)

“You wanna get some ice cream? And heroin.”
“You want to comfort eat?” (Armenia)

“So for this group they chose women who could sing and men who couldn’t.” (Armenia)

“Even the cat’s trying to hide his head more. Look!” (Armenia)

“This sounds like Mumford & Sons used to.” (Lithuania)

“Did they kidnap Florence from her Machine?” (Norway)

“Doesn’t do it for me, but neither did Euphoria and that won by a landslide.” (Sweden)

“What the fuck is that woman on the left wearing?!”
“Diapers?”
“The 80s called, they want their prostitute back.” (Australia)

“WHY DOES THAT HAT NOT HAVE CORKS ON IT?!” (Australia)

“You’re evil! I can’t believe you laughed at that!”

“It sounds even more like a Bond theme now.” (Belgium)

“He looks like Russell Howard trying to be creepy.” (Belgium)

“That piano’s on fire! Health and safety!” (Austria)

“Hey, it’s Cat Deeley!” (Greece)

“He’s got a nature theme going on.” (Montenegro)

“Why’s he talking about his B.O.?” (Montenegro guy pretends to be an airplane) “Oh, THAT’S why.”

“They sing about what they know, black smoke.” (awkward pause) “Because they smoke a lot in Germany.”
“You took the moral high ground there.”
“Someone had to.”

“Latvia is so dull I’m checking Facebook.”

“I would be checking Facebook I if my Nexus was here. I have a cat instead.”
“The cat’s nicer.”
“Than Facebook?”

“EEieEEO? We really needed that translated.” (Spain)

“Is that HAL in the background?”
“You will vote now, Dave.” (Spain)

“Is that Gallifreyan?” (Hungary)

“This song makes me sad.”
“D’you want to get my Nexus then?”

“Meh.” (Georgia)

“It’s not like he’s a good singer either, so it’s confusing AND shit.” (Azerbaijan)

“If Russia won, they’d have to host the gayest event of the year. The IRONY.”

“Impressive.” (Italy)

“Did Ireland have a Latvian invasion that we don’t know about?”

“That wasn’t political. They actually liked it.”

We're actually boardgaming next session as well but I've brought the pad this time.

Aberrations of evolution, as chosen by God

Things turned interesting for the group this session. While the men in the group hid to avoid detection, Tilly tried shielding the girl/victim we found and ended up being hidden in plain sight. Something's obviously going on there.

Eddie went berserk with his axe, Zolistagol got to speak Russian ("Vladivostok!") and Trevor ... had his skin badly burned. To soothe it, Tilly grabbed some holy water from her bag (like you do), and lo and behold, the witch had apparently obtained magical powers, and the skin started healing!

After much ado, we ended up torching the warehouse to destroy evidence (might have accidentally burned someone alive, but hey ho), borrowed a fake brick of Nazi gold from the Russian mob, and the girl wasn't perhaps so much as a victim but a ghoul in training, or something like that. She wanted feeding to complete the process, and unfortunately, we were on the menu. No gratitude at all, that one.

We tied her hands and locked her in one of the bathrooms at Trevor's. And then we were visited by Tony the Ghoul, who told us what was actually going on. By that point, we couldn't really say sorry, we'd rather stay in with a pizza, beer and watch the Rams game on Sky Sports.

These boots were made for stompin'

When we're one player down and face certain death, there is a coping mechanism we tend to employ in the group. It's called "procrastinating until Death goes away". We've done it in Deadlands before, and now ... we just ended up talking all manner of bollocks just for our own amusement. All the while, of course, aware that the more we stall, the less chance there is of us getting killed in that particular session.

It very nearly failed to work, when the GM threw a bunch of genestealers on us. Nasty critters, they are. They pack a savage punch, and we took damage. Had it not been for a few strategically used Fate points, there would have been more body parts missing than just an eye. Or, as it turned out, having your leg very nearly shot off.

Before going into the next Xenos-battling, however, someone said that would be a good place to leave it, so that the missing player wouldn't miss out on as much. The other players quickly agreed, as did the GM. So now, battered and bleeding, we go into the next combat with a full squad.

I had an Eldar and I eated it

Not a lot of quotes for this session, because we got started quite late, and then we spent a lot of time clobbering orcs over the head. And clobbering orcs doesn't give a lot of time over for other things. We were rather successful in the clobbering, however. Because we're awesome Space Marines, blessed by the Emperor. Obviously.

Oh, and one of them turned out to be an Eldar. We brought him back to the base and interrogated him. He didn't last long, but that really wasn't our fault. After all, he shouldn't have been a Xenos heretic in the first place.

We sent them there to die, not to win!

This weekend just gone meant ChimeraCon 5 - a 24 hour roleplaying event at Chimera in Beeston. These are the quotes from the first session's Eclipse Phase game (10 September 2011), which was a continuation of the story from ChimeraCon 4 in June. As a special treat, we have also included quotes from the fourth session's game of Exalted "Light" (11 September 2011), for your pleasure.

In Eclipse Phase, we went to Mars and encountered both flying piranhas and tweetfish. Do you know what happens when a whole tank full of tweetfish simultaneously panic and tweet that they want their water changed? Read and find out. Maybe.

Can "brainalyse" be the official word for hitting someone over the head?

After last week’s adventure concluded, a new one begun. Finn found an old friend’s necklace in a pawn shop and got a vision of her being killed by drug overdose by some people (rather than doing it herself). Finn wanted to sober up for the first time in his life and went off with Jack to use some very strange methods of intimidation on the pawn shop owner, like … actually paying for stuff.

Meanwhile, Set did some actual police work, and Alysiana used her own methods of investigation … Although it was more non-stop rumpy-pumpy by the sounds of it. Flora was suddenly glad she had decided not to go with her after all.

And then there was the spontaneous singing, where we joined in with the neighbouring table singing The Hero of Canton …