You're one of those Old Ones, aren't you?!

This session was AMAZEBALLS.

We had no dreams, yay! Val went off doing business stuff ... because his player sadly wasn't feeling well. This meant the only guy with an actual Driving skill wasn't present, which caused a few issues. (Turns out you if you don't have the skill you can't roll it, unlike Rifts where only stunt driving kinda thing requires the skill but generic "Sunday driving" doesn't. Or at least it does in our game.)

Julius was kind enough to gift us all some armoured clothing - in Lottie's case an Edwardian evening dress. Lottie asked Julius to get some kind of tracking thing be put on her so he'd be able to find her.

Lottie, Julius and Frankie went over to the house where Lottie grew up, and where her father Andreas is being cared for by Angela, who was finally going to be turned into Lottie's ghoul. The two Malkavians headed upstairs. After tasting his blood, Julius let Lottie know that Andreas isn't her father after all. Her mum had a thing with a bartender in Sicily before emigrating, so Andreas has never been a blood relation ... and subsequently Lottie isn't actually a Mangano after all. They decide it's probably best not telling anyone else about that.

When you have ridiculously high level Dementation, you can cause someone severe mental anguish for the rest of their miserable life by basically tearing their soul apart and putting it back together - repeatedly. Julius was happy to do this because FUCK THAT GUY Andreas Mangano! Lottie found Julius super hot torturing her not-actually-biological father that they ended up having sex in front of him afterwards. Well, he was a drooling wreck anyway.

Meanwhile downstairs, Frankie and Angela sat down together, because neither was welcome upstairs for obvious reasons. On the plus side, this meant the gift of the very fancy bottle of wine could be delivered, and, uh, asking Angela out turned out to be a LOT easier than Frankie expected. (The actual exchange had me as a player roaring with laughter.) He might've had a crush on her for the past couple of years, but apparently she's really rather into him as well. They had a walk around the garden.

Hrm, so anyway, making Angela into a ghoul went off without a hitch. The three vampires then went over to the Blackthorne to meet with Benny, so that Frankie also might get a ghoul. Benny was, uh, less easily convinced and required a lot of alcohol. He had to be mindwhammied (before AND after) to not freak out about his best friend and brother from another mother being a vampire. We'll see how that works out. At least we all have a ghoul each now.

Roll Save vs being afraid of the dark!

Deeper into the forest of Davokar we go! We were attacked by giant hairless cats who were so hungry they decided we should be food. That didn't happen, through the cunning use of weapons and grappling hooks on people floating down the river. On the plus side, we made it to the Ordo Magica outpost! Some people were huddling inside, but were happy to see us.

As we made our way toward the headquarters out there, we came across freeze-dried spiders, weird purple lily of the valley where everything else was dead (did someone see a picture of a bluebell and didn't think to look further than "it looks a bit like a lily of the valley, but not white").

The Ordo Magica HQ was now full of goblins. Fortunately, Murmei knows how to speak their language and is proving to be strangely proficient at diplomacy. The goblins spoke of being scared of a "darkness". They also had a trap door (under which they kept a hungry troll), a wizard who was quite out of his mind, and a communication circle going straight to a big spider creature who said she was very benevolent and kind indeed.

The story continues ... and will hopefully be finished by Christmas at this rate ...

Why are we in a field and who are you?

Filler post, so here's where the Victoriana adventure begins!

Three people wake up in a field on a fine English summer day. The first one to wake up (Cid) is dressed, but the second (Bob Afette) isn't - he's stark naked. The third is Baldrick Unlike. Neither of them know any of this, because they're all suffering from amnesia.

Cid turns out to be wearing Bob's clothes. Following a smoke plume a bit further away they discover an airship crash site and a dead parrot. They decide this is where they came from, and finding some fetching clothes Cid changes into these - ladies' clothes, for some hitherto unknown reason - and Bob gets his clothes back.

But where are they? WHO are they? And what the hell happened?

All good deeds must be given with a minor crime

And we're off!

So, we killed Milan, the dragon allied with the Rakshasa, and that was just the last adventure. For this, Booker Dayes (the gunslinger) got a mystery box from the Gray Seers, filled with all manner of weird and wonderful things. There's a protective amulet, a kinetic force gun (totally frickin awesome), a brick with a cryptic message, some red bandannas and a bag of what 1200 credits later turned out to be table salt.

As the Blackstone Juggernauts chief went out to buy loo roll or something, he put Booker Dayes in charge, so when a creepy guy called Rolf (without an Aussie accent, we hasten to add) said he wanted us to find his missing girlfriend, Booker got us a pretty sweet deal. Hopefully.

The missing woman is slightly beyond a Jessica Rabbit level of hotness, so the rest of the team seemed quite interested in helping out. Perhaps less so Christopher Drake the Glitter Boy who, when not in his armour, is dead from the waist down. Well, presumably he still is even in his armour, it's just that he can move around.

Baradhi and Jayson went to check out the place where Jessica Rabbit has a magic shop, and Gorbash had a look around with Drake but things were heating up, so they got out of there. It might have had something to do with Drake threatening to maim a guy ...

Are you uncomfortable yet?

The wife and child were taken care of, and we went to deliver the "package" (Harold) to the people who wanted him, but apparently they no longer wanted him, and the Johnson who hired us had been a little "hasty" in his instruction to us. The job wasn't guaranteed, and actually, the corporation that hired us have close ties with Mitsuhama (Harold's previous employer) so under no circumstances could they have him or there would be Problems.

They said we should kill him, or at least get rid of him so that he would never resurface.

We didn't want to kill him, because we caused the situation for him, even if it was unwittingly. When we all then misunderstood an NPC's statement of "I've had to dispose of them myself" to mean Harold's family (when he did in fact mean the Harold's family's CommLinks - bit of a difference), things took a rather nasty turn.

Harold didn't listen to our plea to stay hidden and switch his CommLink off ("WE found you because it's still on, doofus! Don't you think THEY will?") ... so Teddy decided to "take care of" him. By magically influencing him to play with traffic.

Well ... at least he's dead now. But the traffic jam, and the reason for it, is headline news.

So that didn't pan out.

I have to lick … I mean, tend to his wounds

Part two of Meanwhile in Narnia, where the team of Jurisfiction agents have finally made it into Stephen King's The Shining, which is apparently a children's book now.

At the snow-covered Overlook Hotel, the agents look for statues of what are probably petrified Narnians, avoid being read by diving behind a bush and then interrogating little Danny Torrance, busy riding around the hallways on his tricycle. Admittedly, the GM has never read The Shining and therefore based everything that happened here on the Stanley Kubrick film, which of course has very little to do with the actual novel.

Also, there were clues, leading Alice to suspect Mr Tumnus from Narnia might be involved. Who else has hairy legs, horns and wears a red scarf? The Turkish deligh definitely must come from Narnia!

Deadlands Noir, directed by Quentin Tarantino

As we left last session still in the Bayou, having narrowly escaped being eaten by a ginormous zombie alligator, we returned to town to organise an auction with the Black Hand and the Red Sect. They met up in the Bayou, things kicked off, Malone took Emma and ran behind a shed and spent most of the fight there, which is a great way of not dying.

And then there was this big robot coming down from the sky, which was taken out by a Tommie gun in a spectacular fashion (although not by us). So in the end, we got the girl, weren't killed, and we even got some money to pay our bills. Yay!

Second-hand lockpicks, here we go!

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA
WEDNESDAY, 6 MARCH 1935

In this very first airing of our new characters, they were hired to look into the disappearance of a man's sister. She had been courted by a local slimeball, who may or may not have had something to do with the disappearance. Investigations ensued, taking us both on a stake-out and to a retirement home, with the mysterious Dr Chainsaw. The name might be a clue.

The heroes of this piece are the investigating team of Hatch and Malone. Private investigator Napoleon "Nape" Hatch likes to drink, and to ogle pretty dames. His colleague is a little bit harder to explain. Penny "Dreadful" Murphy is trying to become a full-time reporter, but these are troubled times and her articles aren't always selling - hence why she's also working as a private investigator. It would be a conflict of interest to write articles about cases you investigate, hence why she's using the (fairly obvious) pseudonym Molly Malone.

The two met while working on a case. Hatch was investigating whether or not some dame's husband was being unfaithful, and Malone was trying to get a scoop investigating the same thing, so they decided to work together. And then they thought it would be a good idea to continue working together. We'll see who regrets it first.