That seemed to go better than normal

Because I, Chronicler of Quotes and Keeper of the Blog, has decided to bugger off to Sweden this week and couldn't attend the session (if there was one), I've prepared something like a TV chef. Here's one we made earlier!

To be precise, it's transcribed from our first real session of Shadowrun, and it introduces the four characters and their attempts to cross New York City and get hired for a job ...

Courtesy of Tuesday 26 June 2012's Shadowrun adventure at Chimera.

JDog: “You give us a Nuyen … or there is a situation.”
Orc NPC: “Wait, ONE Nuyen?!”
Dru: “Okay, you can have ONE.”

GM: “You watch as the account goes up by one. It’s the first time you’ve seen a Nuyen without it ending with a zero.”

Orc NPC (falling for a bluff): “Oh … She only has two Nuyen!”
JDog: “She only has two Nuyen, and she ain’t afraid of you, homes.”
Orc NPC: “I think she’s pretty afraid.”
JDog: “Can you add two and two together … and come up with four?”

JDog: “Go home.”
Orc NPC: “Goin’ home!” (wanders off, wondering what just happened)

Player: “You got duped by a woman, boy.”
GM: “Why are YOU suddenly Louisianan?”

GM: “My Spanish turned into Louisianan, what does this say about me?”

“The spirit of Slick has possessed you.”
“The power of Slick compels you! The power of Slick compels you!”

“There’s not enough river boat in it!”
“You wanted river boat porn?”

“I don’t think I’m cut out for this gang business! The breakers are over man, they’re over!”
“Well, that is a fucking tragedy.”

“How is this relevant to your game?”

“I look like an eco-warrior, probably primarily dressed in–”
“Yeah, basically.”

“It’s not ‘a’ squirrel, it’s THE squirrel.”
“The squirrel of death!”

“Why am I witnessing horror?”
“Because you decided to look. That’s what you must come to turns with.”

“One must look without seeing to enjoy the world.”
“All right, Miyagi, calm it down.”

GM: “Okay, speaking of Chinese stereotypes …”
Player 1 (in fake Chinese accent): “You have not done The Accent.”
Player 1: “Aww.”
Player 2: “We’re away from the door.”
Player 3: “You’re safe.”
Player 4: “No, we’re never safe. After the whole ‘yellow-eyed terror’ incident, we don’t do Chinese accents, okay?”
Player 3: “Oh god, I forgot about that.”
Player 2: “Yellow-eyed terror?”
Player 4: “Yeah, Golden Age? They were facing off against a Fu Manchu villain, and someone went ‘CURSE YOU, YOU SLIT-EYED YELLOW FIEND!’ as a Chinese person was walking through the door. We just all stopped … and he left.”

GM: “Reason #2: I can’t do that accent; it would shift to Louisianan and all of a sudden, your Mr Johnson is Slick. All of a sudden, EVERY Shadowrun NPC is Slick.”
Player: “All accents lead to Slick!”

“Everyone is Slick. If Shadowrun is The Matrix, Slick is Agent Smith. Now there’s an image for you.”

Mr G: “Not worked with her before. Worked with my fixer before.”
Mr Johnson: “Interesting. – Note to self: choose better fixers.”

“Ah, it is an attempt at disguise. This explains much.”

“Somewhere in the Shadowrun world, there’s a big troll dressed as Rincewind. ‘You can tell I’m a mage, I’ve got WIZARD on me hat’!”

Player 1: “Actually, a Jewish rigger would work really well.”
Player 2: “In a racial stereotype way.”
Player 3: “Let’s call him Rigor Mortis.”
Player 1: “Now I have TWO ideas for a next character!”

Mr Johnson: “One of our employees has recently … left, under unexplained circumstances, and we wish you to find him and bring him back.”
Mr G: “Is that a dead or alive bringing back, or an alive bringing back or a dead bringing back?”

“When you say ‘missing’, do you mean ‘run away’, ‘kidnapped’, or ‘having an affair’?”

GM: “You can tell from his demeanour and from your long history working of having worked in the area that this guy is a fairly practiced Johnson. Oh god, that sounded a lot better in my head.”
Player 1: “He’s a fairly practiced Johnson?!”
Player 2 (singing): “He’s a wanker, he’s a wanker, he’s a wanker!”

Dru: “So we bring you his head.”
Player: “He needs to be alive, though.”
Mr Johnson: “We would prefer him to be alive.”
Dru: “We’ll bring you his head … with his body still attached to it.”

GM: “You really need someone who really needs their way around a com-link. IF ONLY there was someone like that!”
Hacker: “Let me just bring out my character sheet.”

“Are you happy if we just give you the head? Because we can do that.”

GM: “At this point, the two trolls, sensing that a deal has been made, provide you with some noodle broth.”
Mr G: “Do you have anything with more body?”
Dru: “Or less body?”

“Worst deal negotiating skills ever! We’re gonna lose a hundred grand just by having you talk! Well done!”

GM: “The troll walks back with a small plate, upon which lies a steak.”
Mr G: “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”
GM: “He picks it up with gloved hands, puts it over the broth and drops it in.”
Mr G: “Mmm-mmm-mmm.”
Dru: “Meanwhile, my character picks out any pieces of animal from her bowl.”
Player: “And puts them in his bowl.”

“That seemed to go better than normal.”

Dru: “So we’re looking for an ugly elf.”
Mr G: “Yes.”
Dru: “Whose head needs to still be attached.”
Mr G: “Yeah.”
Dru: “This could work.”

Mr G: “I pull out what looks like some archaic com unit.”
Player: “Known as a BRICK, still registered to Nokia.”
Mr G: “Anything more advanced doesn’t work for me.”
GM: “Heeey! Leave me alone!”

“We have the brains to make it, muchachos.”

“I think I’ve had enough Chinese. Is there an Italian nearby?”

There is a part two to this, which will be another back-up post, mwahahahah!