Method acting on the Jeremy Kyle show

After rescuing the family, who were so kind to let us stay over, from their burning house (only one casualty), we were informed by Sutcliffe that he'd seen the car we were looking for - and had been asking about around town the day before - and we all shook our fists and blamed evil petroleum company Hexaco for the arson.

Because little do we know it was actually Sutcliffe's Manitou that was responsible ...

We decided to go to the oil derrick that the singer's brother allegedly (read: according to Hexaco) sabotaged, and found a bloke willing to take us through the swamp on his bateau. Three hours later, we found the deserted derrick and investigated.

And then the bateau guy was sliced in half by some kind of invisible spirit creature that we tried fighting. We survived, but only because it decided to dissolve into thin air after Sutcliffe managed to hurt it with magics. We then had to fix the bateau so we could get out of there, as the spirit thing might have seen us as Hexaco people returning to keep mutilating the precious eco system of the swamp - which is probably what caused the destruction of the derrick in the first place.

But now it's dark, and we're three hours away from being out of the swamp ... and there are alligators nearby ...

Courtesy of Wednesday 1 May 2013's Deadlands Noir adventure at Chimera.

“Is there a spell to make money?”
“I don’t do money.”
“No, but WE do!”

“Could you please refrain from stabbing your patients?”
“But it’s the fastest way of working.”

Hatch: “Curious pipe you’ve got there.”
Sutcliffe: “Really strong tobacco.”

GM: “Everyone make an Agility roll.”
Player: “I was afraid you’d say something like that.”

Player: “Are you killing people off?”
GM: “Technically, it’s not ME doing the killing …”

“I SO wouldn’t want mouth-to-mouth from Sutcliffe.” (what with being a chain-smoking zombie and all)

GM: “Because of your actions, you haven’t killed an innocent girl. Good for you.”

GM: “Your leg is on fire, but you’re not burning.”
Sutcliffe: “I can live with this. I hope.”

GM: “Unlike The Princess Bride where he’s nearly dead, this one’s proper dead.”

“But we saved Morgan Freeman, right?”

Murphy: “Sucking on a pipe like there’s no tomorrow.”
Sutcliffe: “There IS no tomorrow.”
GM: “Why, what do you know?”

“Careful you don’t method act being shot.”

Murphy: “Someone’s NOT going to heaven.”
Sutcliffe: “That would be me.”


“You know it’s really bad when your kitchen drawer is knives, forks, spoons, chisels.”

“You’ve heard of steak knives, this is a pastry chisel.”

“When I first came in, someone said this table was the best one to be on because of the baked goods.”

“Will save more lives for food!”

Sutcliffe: “They might have been after us.”
Murphy: “Let’s not tell the family that.”
GM: “Then you’ll go from rescuers to harbingers of death.”
Hatch: “Yeah, let’s stay as rescuers.”

GM: “He’s the kind of guy who’ll do anything for money.”
Hatch: “That’s my kind of guy. If only we had some money.”

Murphy: “The only returning from the dead I approve of is the kind that happens around Easter. To a very special carpenter. From Nazareth.”
GM: “You’re narrowing it down.”

Hatch: “Does he sound like a shifty character?”
GM: “He seems ambitious.”
Sutcliffe: “Shifty.”

“And here comes the double fumble.”

Hatch: “I feel really good. This swamp is fantastic!”

Hatch (later): “I’ve changed my mind. This swamp is awful.”

GM: “Hatch used a Bennie. I feel better now.”

Player: “Can I find out what caused this?”
GM: “Can you make me a xeno-archaeology roll?”

Hatch: “I’m going to be as close to CSI as I can possibly be with a $5 camera. In 1935.”

GM: “It’s black and white.”
Hatch: “It is what it is.”

“It’s A4 Rolf Harris time.”

“Athletics roll? I’m an alcoholic!”

GM: “Something invisible jumped on the boat.”
Player: “Is it Kevin Bacon?”
GM: “Funnily enough, it COULD actually be a Kevin Bacon film.”

GM: “He screams as something tears him from crotch to chin.”
Hatch: “At least we can get our money back!”

“We’ll all be dead soon. It’s just in which order we do it.”

“I can’t even hit people who are VISIBLE, let alone INvisible!”

“To be fair, we should never have survived the first adventure.”

“It’s gonna be one of those Jeremy Kyle moments. ‘I thought you were a REAL person!’”

“‘My Best Friend is a Zombie’ – that’s one they’ve not had on Jeremy Kyle.”

Sutcliffe: “I could get away with murder. Actually, I already have, haven’t I?”

Sutcliffe: “I’ve helped save the day twice, although I was the reason they needed saving in the first place.”

Can we get out of the swamp alive? Are Hatch and Murphy ever going to realise Sutcliffe is Harrowed? And where is that singing dame, anyway? Check back next week, when we might be able to tell you!