50 Shades of Enid Blyton

We're doing some other bits for a couple of weeks or so, while one of the players is away. For this session, we played a two-player Jurisfiction adventure, to see what that was about.

Arthur Hastings, from Agatha Christie's Poirot novels, joined forces with the new recruit Dr Abraham van Helsing, from Bram Stoker's Dracula. The Bellman never told them that it's technically a single-player mission, but hey, if you take a complete rookie and the somewhat dimwitted veteran Hastings, it sort of adds up to a single, competent player.

The mission itself was a simple matter of internal plot adjustment: making Shadow the Sheepdog by Enid Blyton have a happy ending. It should have been a simple mission that couldn't possibly go wrong, but ... alas ... they got out of a sticky situation by teaching a bunch of villagers all about S&M, in a bid to turn their idyllic rural village into something from Midsomer Murders.

Courtesy of 12 June 2013's 2nd Edition Jurisfiction adventure at Chimera.

“I would’ve shaved, but we discovered yesterday that I could fit five pencils in my beard. So that’s an achievement.”

“You don’t remember how to do character creation? You only did this, what, 2.5 years ago?”
“Yeah, I should’ve memorised it. I’m such a lightweight.”

Hastings: “Helsing? I know that name. …Bloodbath! That’s it!”

Hastings: “Do you know how everything works?”
Van Helsing: “No, I’ve just been asked to report here.”
Hastings: “Damn. Normally other people know more than me.”

GM: “Hastings has 1d4 Smarts, right?”

“I’m often told to make cheques out to Cash.”
“He must be a very rich man.”

GM: “When it said you couldn’t possibly mess this up … I’m beginning to have second thoughts.”

“Maybe it’s the dog from the Famous Five, who became blind after all those adventures.”
“Maybe he’s blind because he masturbated. I’ve heard that can make you go blind.”

“He was paying too much for his car insurance.”

Hastings: “We can always read the pigs out of the book. Then we’ll be in bacon for AGES.”
Van Helsing: “That’s a good idea.”

“Mr Phillips, we’re both educated men. Well, I went to school.”

“Is your character stereotypically racist, or is it just you?”
“… WHAT?”

“That sounds like it could actually work. Fizzy ginger custard with treacle pudding.”

GM (aghast): “You’re turning Enid Blyton into 50 Shades of Grey?!”

“What roll do we need for this? Teaching S&M as a skill?”

“Why don’t you go down to the pub and get drunk?”
“On ginger beer?”

“The hidden references in Enid Blyton’s books.”
“The Secret Seven - what were they REALLY up to?”

“What if we stay here a while and teach them vices?”

“We’ve turned an Enid Blyton village into Midsomer.”

“I think Enid Blyton needs a cigarette after that. She’ll turn in her grave.”

“A covert mission to be useful, having a blind dog around? What, bumping into things?”

“Blyton’s got her own island?!”
“Yeah, and it’s full of murderers.”
“No, S&M junkies.”

Next session, we'll be playing a new boardgame we got off Kickstarter, namely: Zpocalypse!