What happens off page stays off page

As we only had a couple of weeks before breaking off for the holidays, we decided to have a one-off. Seeing as how we'd be joined by a friend we don't see very often, and who'd like to play some more of Jurisfiction, that's what we decided to do.

In the seasonal Meanwhile in Narnia, there were reports about petrified Narnians being sold off as souvenir statues to unsuspecting visitors, and a group of agents assembled to go into Stephen King's The Shining, as that was so far the only lead Jurisfiction had.

A child was interrogated. One of the agents kept wanting to drink another agent's blood. A pirate's parrot turned out to have a rather foul mouth, and a 200-year-old politician didn't know who to trust.

  • Alice, 7-year-old (Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)
  • Carmilla, vampire (Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, Carmilla)
  • Long John Silver, pirate (Robert Louis Stevenson, Treasure Island)
  • Louis Gridley Wu, politician (Larry Niven, Ringworld)
  • Polly, parrot (sits on Silver's shoulder)

Here's part one ...

Courtesy of 11 December 2013's 2nd Edition Jurisfiction adventure at Chimera.

“I can look offended if you want?”

“You have a sworn enemy.”
“As a vampire? REALLY?”

“I can give a geek answer to that.”
“Oh, go on.”

“I used to bake occasionally, but now I do it for every Wednesday.”
“Thus making this the most popular table in the shop.”

“Alice tried to interrogate a horse about what was happening.”
“And the horse went neeeeeeigh.”

“I like how it says ‘survived’, like a lot of people didn’t.”

“You killed Miss Marple?”
“She tried to poison me!”

“Bella from Twilight has technically been erased and another one put in her place.”

“I had fun with Bella from Twilight, telling her her baby would turn into a pig. It happens to badly behaved children.”

Player 1: “I admire you for reading the Twilight books. I just couldn’t do it.”
Player 2: “I still haven’t managed to get past chapter one in the last one.”
Player 3: “Ahh! I beat you! I’ve read all of it! You know what? Don’t bother.”

“It’s like that moment in The Lord of the Rings where you’re CONVINCED Sam and Frodo are going to die and the bloody eagles turn up. I’ve never been so disappointed in a book in my entire life.”

“In Stargate: Universe, they split the people over two ships, so one of the ships was BOUND to die, and I realise I didn’t care which, so long as one of them died.”

“I’m ready with the 200-year-old politician.”
“You’re playing the Emperor from Star Wars?!”

Player 1: “What do you class your age as?”
Carmilla: “17.”
Player 2: “And how LONG have you been 17?”

“He’s eating, it’s fine, go for it!”

“Someone doesn’t like The Princess Bride?! Inconceivable!”

“This table is apologetic. Unfortunately, you’re on THAT table.”

“I love how you’re offering him GM’s food based on what you’ve done.”

“Don’t offer him food; he doesn’t have taste!”

“Go Tom Selleck!”
“What, grow a moustache?”

Carmilla: “As we’ve already established, I can’t penetrate a man.”

“I haven’t read it for 20 years. No, it can’t be that long, I’m not THAT old.”

“Noooo! We’re giving Twilight credit for something! Stop it!”

“Who’d wanna have sex with Superman anyway? He’s just limp-wristed and kind of sociopathic at the same time.”

“What happens off page stays off page.”
“‘What happens off page SHOULD stay off page’ I think is closer.”

Player 1: “Do you want to say, for the benefit of P, the exact principles behind the game?”
GM: “Unlike most of you who’s ever played this game, he has actually read most of the books.”
Player 2: “I’ve read the first one!”
Player 1: “I’ve read 1.5!”

Long John: “So if we see a lion, we’re supposed to shoot it?”
Alice: “Oh no, you mustn’t shoot Aslan.”
Long John: “Oh no, it’s okay, it’s a tranquiliser.”

“I’m not at all disturbed by this. Not at all.”

“I find that last resorts happen a lot more often than you’d expect.”

Carmilla: “Could you make my coat big enough to shelter me and possibly also a little girl if needed? The temperature where we’re going is going to be quite cold.”
GM: “… Are we all going to edge away from you?”

Wemmick: “Uh, madam, would you also like a muff?”
Carmilla: “Of course I’d like a muff.”

Louis: “It’s especially handy when you’re not wearing any clothes.”
Carmilla (smiling): “I get the picture ...”

Long John: “We sing a song about that on ship. It goes ‘Do your balls hang low? Can you swing ‘em to and fro? Can you tie ‘em in a knot, can you tie ‘em in a ball, can you sling ‘em ‘round the shoulder ’ … Oh … I’m sorry, I better be careful of the child. I’m sorry.”
Alice: “So you HAVE India rubber balls on your ship as well.”
Long John: “Yes, dear. That’d be it. That’d be it exactly.”
Alice: “It sounds very festive.”

Wemmick: “And here’s a cracker for the parrot as well.”
Long John: “Oh, why thank you very much.”
Polly (tries cracker, spits it out): “It’s not a digestive.”

Long John: “You’re still supposed to stay in character.”
Polly: “Sod that!”
Long John: “Okay, but don’t talk like that when we’re actually on mission. Otherwise you’ll freak people out something terrible.”
Polly: “Orright, fuckhead!”
Long John: “Remember when we got shot at? … Most recently?”
Polly: “Well, that wasn’t my fault, was it?”
Long John: “You insulted him first!”
Polly: “But he WAS an ugly git.”

Long John: “Just like the politician, the eccentric one. See, he’s happy now.”
Polly: “He don’t look happy.”
Long John: “That’s because he’s a politician.”

Polly: “I’ve mainly met pirates. Smelly lot you are.”
Long John: “YOU’RE the one that shits on my shoulder.”
Polly: “Yeah, to put you in your place.”
Louis: “I walk … toward … the door …”

“Ahh it’s a little black hole bag! Awww, so cute!”

Long John: “I do have a question: where is Port Manteau? I’ve sailed the Seven Seas and I’ve never heard of that.”
Alice: “Oh, it’s a kind of bag, sir.”
Louis: “Put it all together into one word, Long John.”
Long John: “Yes. Port Manteau. What, the bag’s named after a port? Some people have weird names.”
Carmilla: “In this case, they have bags.”

Louis: “She reminds me of the Kzinti.”
Carmilla: “Kzinti?”
GM: “Bless you.”

Long John: “Jim had a similar attitude. That go-get-‘em attitude.”
Alice: “Thank you, sir.”
Long John: “He also knew a lot more words than me.”
Polly: “That’s not difficult.”
Long John: “Shut up! You don’t have to put me down in front of the new people.”
Polly: “Orright, fuckhead.”

Long John: “Have a fucking cracker.”
Polly: “It’s still not a digestive.”

Louis (cheerful): “Hello! I’m Louis Wu.”
Marvin: “Yes, you are.”

Marvin: “Brain the size of a planet and they ask me for information about Narnia.”

Louis: “Thank you, Marvin! Have a good day!”
Marvin: “I doubt it.”
Louis: “Such a depressing fella.”

“Someone rescue me from this crazy vampire! And someone else please appreciate the fact that we had that entire conversation without referring to pussies!”
“I WILL point out you were the one to start asking for a muff.”

We're continuing this adventure next session, but seeing as how it's Chrimbo next Wednesday, you'll have to wait until the new year for it. Soz! Should be worth waiting for, though ...