Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Equal rights for people with no pulse!

The first ever Jurisfiction adventure to span more than one session! In this one, the group left The Shining to meet up with Abraham van Helsing at HQ, before moving on to Narnia. Van Helsing and Carmilla instantly took a disliking to one another. While the rest of the party gathered at the lamp post, Carmilla, thanks to botching a Bookjumping roll, ended up in Wonderland. Well, she WAS rather preoccupied with Alice ...

On the other hand, the Red Queen was keen to get her hands on a Narnian statue and gave Carmilla a bag of Christmas ornaments as payment. But she had better come back with a bear, or heads will roll.

Courtesy of 18 December 2013's 2nd Edition Jurisfiction adventure at Chimera.


“That’s just horrifyingly soppy and I’m worried about you now.”

“You can club the GM to death with this dicebag. Not that I would. But there have been GMs I’d have liked to.”

“The green curry has more of a green flavour and the red curry has more of a red flavour.”

“These are not twigs, these are professional, precise tools.”
“That I can’t use!”

“There are two benefits of chopsticks.”
“Killing people?”
“Okay, three.”

“Trying to do THAT with a plastic fork can only end in misery.”

“I had to re-read the book because of this as well, by the way.”
“And she turned out to be a mass-murderer?”

Carmilla’s player: “She’s downright creepy in the book!”
Player 2: “Really?”
GM: “You did a good job.”
Carmilla’s player: “I thought I was toned down!”
GM: “THAT was toned down?”

“I better go and fetch what I wasn’t going to buy.”

“Did you SERIOUSLY just say ‘clean-up on isle anus’?”

“I like this game. Not because it kills grandma with eggs.”

“He’s killed his grandma with an EGG?! What’s going on?”

“Bunch of scammy bastards.”
“That’s marketing.”

Player 1: “It’s butter and sugar and flour.”
Player 2: “All the good things.”
Player 3: “All that a man needs.”
Player 2: “And don’t forget, it’s also one of your five a day because it’s got fruit on it.”
Player 1: “And blueberry’s a superfruit.”
Player 2: “So that makes it healthy!”
Player 4: “The way that chocolate is a vegetable.”

“It was a gathering of roleplayers. I’m not saying that you all look the same.”

“What you’re saying is, you’d like him miserable and heartbroken but convenient.”
“Yes, that’s exactly it.”
“Glad to know where we stand.”

“Aren’t you a bit short for Batman? I mean, he gave me this look, and I said I’m sorry, but you’d come back a bit taller, wouldn’t you? – I can’t believe I recounted that. It’s a story that does not come out well.”
“Many stories are like that.”
“Probably most stories that don’t come out well start with ‘one time at ChimeraCon at five in the morning’.”

“It makes your roleplaying session worthy of Twilight.”
“Haha. WHAT?”

“Stop comparing me with the crazy Mormon woman or I won’t come back!”

“Equal rights for people with no pulse!”

“That obviously didn’t cause a psychological trauma.”

“See what we have to deal with? Wait till she starts stroking you.”

“She DOES like cats, but we spent the entire session trying not to say ‘pussy’!”
“Are you talking about a ChimeraCon or just last week?”

“I’m not a pirate, I’m a fortune hunter.”

“There’s a line from Eddings I still remember, years later.”
“It’s the Silk line, isn’t it? It’s ALWAYS the Silk line!”

“When I was a child, I asked my dad who God was that everyone was talking about, and my dad told me, I kid you not, ‘God is like a Mr Men, someone people have made up to make themselves feel happier’. It’s genius and it totally answered my question! And I told all my friends …”

“Do you know what put you off? The ominous sound of me walking through the woods.”

“Sorry about that, I just realised I broke charactarrrrrr.”

Long John: “Let me try that again: Mr German!”
Louis: “Technically, it’s Dr German.”
Long John: “Dr German.”
GM: “And also, he’s Dutch.”
Long John: “Dr Dutch!”
GM: “I’ve read Dracula, me.”

Carmilla: “I don’t think you should treat me like this just because I have a dietary problem.”

“Perhaps we should all agree not to sink any teeth in people and not to stick any stakes in people, and just try to find Mr Tumnus.”

Louis: “I’m a nice person, just ask any of my 17 grandchildren.”
Alice: “Oh my, that must get very expensive at Christmas time.”

Louis: “17 grandchildren, 11 children, three wives …”
Carmilla: “That is a lot of wives.”
Alice: “Are you Arabian?”
Louis: “Noo, I’m a human!”
Long John: “I’ve not been to the Middle East much, but I’m pretty sure Arabians are still human.”

Carmilla: “I’m lost. How do you get to Narnia from here?”
Red Queen of Wonderland: “You’re new! I don’t recognise you.”
Carmilla: “No, I’ve been around for a little while, just not maybe right here.”
Red Queen: “How would you feel about decapitation, hah?”

Red Queen: “I’d quite like a bear.”
Carmilla: “A bear? I’ll see what I can do.”
Red Queen: “Well, if you fail: off with your head! It will be cut off.”

Carmilla: “It’s been a busy day, many people have threatened to cut off my head.”
Louis: “What?! One! Two! Two people!”

“I refuse to deny that!”

The first session of the year is set to be boardgaming, so there will be more from Narnia next week!

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