If you haven't got the XP, it's not dead

We continued our foray into the Wave Echo Cave system. There were skeletons and bugbears and stuff in there. It's a good thing we have Malinda in the party - she whittled five bugbears down to one in one round of burning hands. Result!

We also managed to find a door that said bugbears had barricaded. Turned out there was a big, flaming skull behind there. We decided to close the door and explore one of the other directions ...

Courtesy of Tuesday 25 November 2014's 5th Edition Dugeons & Dragons roleplaying session at Chimera.

Dungeons & Dragons

“Your face, right now, is like Windows 95 trying to load Excel 2013.”

“He has a code of honour.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll beat it out of you if we have to.”

“You’re the kind of guy who’d run into his children’s room shouting ‘Santa’s not real’!”

Player: “Just because you want me to play the Scottish dwarf does not mean you can flagrantly kill my character!”
GM: “Yes, it does.”

“Let’s forget the cryptic comments and have biscuits. We live, we die … at least we’ve had biscuits.”

“Apply yourself and you’ll get better.”
“Or I could just hit you in the face with this tablet.”

“We don’t have Sky.”
“You suck.”

“Oh my god, we are grown adults.”
“No, we’re not.”

“Too lewd? This is the group that invented scrota!”
“We didn’t invent it, we discovered it.”

GM: “Gundren and Sooty are busy doing other things during encounters.”
Player: “Thank you for painting that picture for us …”

“You’ve got what’s called Cleric Dice Disease. It’s fine.”

“They have two hit points?! I could have SNEEZED on them!”

“I’ll throw a dart.”

“Again: stop applying logic to funny things!”

“I’ve now used up all the bad rolls, so that’s okay.”

(to Tan) “If we arm the goblin with darts, we could replace you quite easily.”

“Hematite is basically fossilised rust. Shiny, pretty rust.”

Hematite: “As you back up, I put my hands on your butt or something.”
Karak-Dag: “Ohh!”

(to Theren) “You’re gonna Stealth so well one day that we’ll forget you’re there.”

“Singed hair and beard is not damage.”
“It is to a dwarf, laddie!”

“If you haven’t got the XP, it’s not dead.”

Karak-Dag: “If we hear a blood-curdling scream, we know you need us. We’ll wait until the eight hours are up and then come and help.”

“I wasn’t expecting that.” (to do a long rest without being attacked)
“I wasn’t expecting that either.”

(to GM) “If you’re going to kill a character, could you kill Tan so we can get a character with proper hygiene next time?”

Theren: “Sorry, I was kicked out of the glades for my impressions.”
Karak-Dag: “And rightly so.”

“Exploding clothes? That would make the Chippendales interesting.”
“But they didn’t wear trousers. Or pants, if you’re American. They were just a couple of chipmunks.”
“… I wasn’t talking about Chip AND Dale …”

“Why are we in this order? When did that happen?”
“Some of us listened to the GM.”

“Why would bugbears barricade a door?”
“Because there’s something worse than bugbears on the other side.”

Player: “Could you draw four bugbears on the map?”
GM: “I’ll draw five, because that’s how many there are.”

“Get the recipe book out. Monk à l’Orange.”
“Suddenly the bugbear sprouts a thin moustache and a chef’s hat.”

Player: “I’m not entirely sure we’re necessary.”
GM: “You are, to protect Malinda when she’s resting.”

“Why are we her bodyguards? She doesn’t need bodyguarding!”

Okay, so we haven't finished the adventure yet, but since when have we finished when we said we would? ;)