Well, he's got until Saturday to learn to sing

Last week we were two players down and decided to cancel the session altogether. That's why I've gone through the previously unposted posts and found this one, which is the first of three. It answers the question about what kind of shit roleplayers say when they watch the Eurovision Song Contest.

A quick re-cap: Austria won in 2014, meaning the two semi-finals and one final were hosted in Vienna. Brits don't really care much for Eurovision, but it's a massive thing in Sweden (spoiler: they won ... again) and there are two Swedes in the roleplaying group, so commenting on Eurovision is kind of a given.

This session was made up of 50% Swedes and 50% Brits, in 100% snark mode.

Courtesy of Tuesday 19 May 2015's Eurovision Song Contest first semi-final.

Eurovision Song Contest logo

“This feels like it’s from a musical I don’t understand.” (Armenia)

“I think when they said ‘the Moldovan police force’ they actually meant strippers.”

“I can predict key changes!”
“It’s like you’ve watched Eurovision before!”

“This is a proper pop song.”

“The one on the far left looks like she’s heavy breathing in a maid’s suit.” (Netherlands)

“She looks like she’s about to fly off a building.” (Netherlands)

“I’m not allowed to comment on this song, am I?” (Finland)

“I think they’re singing in—”
“A funny voice?”
“No, Finnish.”

“Hey, we’ve been there!”

“Why do they have the three-letter abbreviation for Twitter? You’d just go ‘#Greece is the word’ if it was good.”

“I’m not really taken with it, but they can’t afford to host it anyway.” (Greece)

“It sounds like a Timothy Dalton Bond theme song.” (Greece)

“What do you do with a problem like Maria?”
“Don’t tell Hitler.”

“Well, he’s got until Saturday to learn to sing.” (Estonia)

“The three-letter hashtag is to give Azerbaijan a chance.”
“Or the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia.”

“Why has he got Duck Tape on the front of his shirt?”
“There was no tailor available?” (FYR Macedonia)

“It’s a large lady singing about how it’s okay to be different. I wonder what the theme of the song is.”
“At least the song’s in English so we can all understand the message.” (Serbia)

“It sounds more like a folk party in a pub than a Eurovision entry.” (Hungary)

“It’s about something that’s like thunder.” (Belarus)

“I think this could win, you know.” (Russia)

“Yeah, it’s very McFly, but he has a disagreeable face, the way he’s squinting and looking like he’s snorted ammonia.” (Denmark)

“It’s not a single you’d buy, but it’s a good song on an album you’ve already bought.” (Denmark)

“I can only make out half of what she’s singing.” (Albania)

“It just sounds … noisy.”
“That’s a good way of putting it.” (Albania)

“That melody sounds like another song.”
“YES!” (Romania)

“I didn’t know the Night’s Watch accepted women.” (Georgia)

“Elvira had more cleavage.” (Georgia)

Next session should be finishing up Rogue Trader, and then we'll do Rifts again for a while! Next time we need a filler post, it will probably be the second semi-final, unless I've transcribed another Victoriana session or something by that point.