Dr T & Mr Dre: Narcoleptic Assassins

Awesome as ever, we had taken down an assassin. Still, that wasn't enough of an adventure, so we ended up going to a coffee bar, where plot hid behind the wall. Or, rather, an opening into the sewers, which eventually took us back to the Goblin Market.

There, we met with the Labyrinth potion seller and its granny, and Jack even managed to exchange a few words with a dwarf he once didn't try haggling with. And then the naive kid - Jack, that is - invited a bunch of seelie Fae to set up shop on his lawn at Wollaton Hall. Great move, we don't think.

One that does have great moves is Alysiana, who's currently pretending not to know us. She normally does that, but now it's with an actual purpose. To find clues! Are we any closer to finding any, though? That is the question. We're too busy inventing new concepts for roleplaying villains ...

Courtesy of Tuesday 10 April 2012's 2nd Edition Changeling: The Dreaming adventure at Chimera.

“You fool! We don’t have time! Do you know what goes into making pink lemonade? You need lemons and … pink.”

“You’re getting real life confused with Asterix and Obelix.”
“No, I’m getting Asterix and Obelix confused with real life.”

“I tell you what really tastes horrible: battery acid.”
“Do … you … drink that a lot?”

“I know this is a strange idea, but can we roleplay?”

“I didn’t bring any dice but I brought a commemorative Hellraiser box. Which is empty.”

“I wanted to see the Smurfs movie, if only to watch Neil Patrick Harris’s soul die.”

“From now on, I’m just going to respect my inner monologue.”

“Optimus Prime died for our sins.”

“We met a couple of eyebrows and a man attached to them.”

“Today on Changeling: three hours of eyebrow jokes. And not HIGHBROW eyebrow jokes either.”

“Do the eyebrows follow you around the room?”

“I was at the back of the bus, thinking ‘I’m sharing the bus with a wizard’!”
“And they say buses are useless.”

“We’ve actually spent 20 minutes on eyebrows.”
“And you are surprised by this?”

“There’s something above the call of duty?”
“Modern warfare.”

“We’ve let Jack and the GM sit together again. There’s plot going on over there.”

Set: “Are you a Mormon?!”
GM: “Are you asking the assassin? He’s barely conscious.”
Finn: “Then he’s DEFINITELY a Mormon!”

Finn: “Have you touched iron before?”
Jack: “No.”
Finn: “This will be an interesting experience.”

“The meta-radio is for giving hints without meta-gaming.”

Jack: “Set got in the way.”
Set: “Owww, by the way.”

“Get me out, get me out!!”
“Yes, Smeagol.”
“We’ll get you your other one ring first.”

“Snort him quickly!”

“He’s Bram Stokering on us!”

“We thought he was unconscious.”
“Normally, when I hit people, they are.”

“When you have one NPC guarding another NPC and you leave them alone, they both die. It’s like a rule.”

“What’s wrong with Ronke?”
“He spreads harmful stereotypes!”

“I’m not trustworthy, I forget my own name on a regular basis!”

“Were you in the Dreaming at the time?”
“No, I was in Ireland.”
“Ohhhhh! So you were DRUNK!”

“I’m not quite following.”
“That’s because you’ve been snorting Olbas Oil since the beginning. That stuff is the SHIT!”

“It’s a Tuesday, right?”
“I never could get the hang of Tuesdays.”

“Stop it, we’re agreeing on something!”
“It’s the end of the world as we know it.”

“…And that leads to the Dark Side. And some times, cake.”

“Are you selling grave goods?”
“Technically, she’s pawning loot from a dead man.”

“It’s not slavery; he can leave whenever he wants.”
“He hasn’t got any legs!”

(After making the whole party go off on a rant about the new DC Comics logo, which we thought was shit)
Player (to GM): “Sorry.”
GM: “That’s okay, I’m used to it.”

“Oh, he’s coming with you?”
“Sure he is. We can’t do without those eyebrows!”

Jack: “Your ring is really clever, isn’t it?”
Set: “I wouldn’t say clever, more like smartarse.”
Finn: “It has attitude issues, I’ll give it that.”

“I’ve just realised my magic ring is a hipster.”

“Justin Bieber has Dr Dre as his manager.”
“That allows him to travel in time?”

“What’s the ring doing?”
“Depends on when you’ve had a curry.”

“Turn off your meta-radio when we’re around the mundanes.”
“What, you mean the one that always plays ‘Rumour Has It’?”

“I have attempted physical violence upon your person. This is a clue to stop.”

“Why am I a regular everywhere?”
“Because you’re Finn.”

(The party convenes in the men’s toilets at a coffee bar)
GM: “I don’t know what roll to give you.”
Player: “A toilet roll!”

“Your character remembers something about this toilet.”
“Which would be odd for you.”

GM: “Maelid raises all four of his eyebrows.”
Player: “You’re playing along!”

Finn (to Flora): “It’s not a library, but maybe on the way back.”

(just arrived in the sewers)
Flora (to Set): “Excuse me … I don’t suppose you could … Well, I wouldn’t want to drown.”
Finn: “You can wrap your legs around my neck any time, darlin’!”

“This is the sewer level! If there’s a valve puzzle anywhere, I’m gonna hit you. If at any point we need to change the water level with a leaver, you’re getting one.”

Finn: “This is the greatest hits of places where I have been rat-raped.”

“My head is exploding!”
“Or is it IMploding?”

“You keep barging through my LIFE, and you don’t hear me complaining about it … except now.”

“If something’s gonna scare the crap out of you, the toilet is a pretty good place to be.”

Finn: “Have you ever been to Goose Fair? It’s full of candy floss and people like ME! But worse: full of pikeys!”

“I hate Goose Fair. I won a dead goldfish there once.”

“Stop telling Jack to do things; he takes you seriously!”

GM: “You arrive at the Goblin Market.”
Alysiana: “Yay!”
GM: “You spot these guys.”
Alysiana: “Oh god, I’m going the other way.”

“The man with the many eyebrows ... I suspect the left one of being in league with the Dark.”

Alysiana: “I might get killed. Or screwed.”
Player: “For how many hours?”

GM: “Yeah, he looks shifty.”
Player 1: “That’s like the entire market. Be more specific.”
Player 2: “Even WE look shifty, and we’re the GOOD guys!”

“Oh my god, the GM’s a prophet.”

“Saving the princess, chimerical cancer … could be either.”

“If there is a giant cactus about to eat him, that would be cool.”

“What’s the theme to Donkey Kong?”
“Dun du-dun dun …”
“No, that’s Dragnet.”

”You reach a small door and you can smell smoke.”
“And pig.”

“Guys, I’m on a quest!”

“Set’s safe. Old ladies don’t carry STDs.”

“Where’s the lid to this?”
“You threw it at someone earlier.”

“Last piece of brownie?”
“I can’t. It would clash horribly with the crisps I’ve just had.”
“…Or WOULD it?”
“Challenge accepted!”

Was that eyebrow, sorry, highbrow enough for one week? Well, that's all you're getting. More next week!