Sunday, 22 April 2012

Roll Death and Athletics, shagging Satan is bestiality

In a session that took us through the sewers and eventually ending up in the Dreaming version of Victorian London, where a group of cartoonists with a funny accent chased after some people purely because of their religion ... Set rescued people from a burning building, which ... was burning in real life. And then he chased after an assassin over the rooftops. Very heroic.

Meanwhile, Finn was trying to talk himself into being un-squired by Jack, and instead ... ended up getting knighted. So that ... panned out? He's making an impressively swift ascend up that career ladder, that's for sure.

The rest of us got to spend some pent up XP, Flora became a Saint, and half the party stood around in the sewers while Sir Finn set off after Sir Set - it was dangerous footing. At least until he decided to make use of the only element he hadn't tried so far - Air - and flapped about to actually fly to a portal.

We're a very heroic party, obviously. Especially when we get hooked on discussing male genitalia for an extended period of time. Most of which hasn't made it into writing. ... Most of. (Just imagine what the actual session was like in real life!)

Courtesy of Tuesday 17 April 2012's 2nd Edition Changeling: The Dreaming adventure at Chimera.


“I just accused you of having worse dress sense than the 90s. I’m so sorry.”

“DC has ripped us off! They’ve copied us!”
“They have gumbo with people in?”

“Ethan Hawke is like .5 of a Kevin Bacon.”
“Let’s call him Ethan Ham.”

“I don’t like the term ‘jump’. It should be called ‘bamf’. Bamf is a manly word.”
“Or a tiny, blue elf word.”

“We’re about to watch The Set Show. It’s like The Truman Show, except Set might get killed by assassins. Or kill assassins.”

Finn (about wanting to get un-Squired): “Also, it’ll be piss funny when Set comes back and he gives me an order and I won’t follow it.”

“There are too many Knockers in that situation and I don’t get to feel any of them.”

“Okay, I get it, you’re Batman.”

“How did we get from ‘un-Squire me!’ to ‘make me a Knight’?”

“That was a really well-thought-out argument from both sides … from a 12-year-old and a waster.”

Alysiana: “He’s an adorable urchin, you have to bribe him.”
Player: “Not with sex!”

“Show me on the doll where the Seelie touched you.”

“It is true!”
“It’s NOT! It’s a big, heaping pile of lies!”

“And the thing that killed Count Voldemort.”
“Voldemort?! So you mean we could’ve skipped all of that Deathly Hallows bollocks if we had just got a Changeling to do it?”

Finn: “You don’t care about ANYONE but yourself.”
Alysiana: “I cared about Amy.”
Finn: “You wanted to BONE HER. There’s a difference!”

Set: “How do you not know this?!”
Alysiana: “I HAVE NINE MONTHS’ MEMORY!”

Alysiana (indicating Flora, Finn, Jack and herself in turn): “Sainted. Knighted. Baroned. Screwed.”

“You’d need Crosseyed Journey to watch the TV show I’d be making.”

“We were actually on about clichés more than you belting an old lady.”

“I think Set has transcended genres going into that tunnel and he’s now in an episode of London’s Burning.”

“He didn’t get surprised first, that means it’s not a rape.”

(After having spent X minutes talking to us and interrupting the game … not that we minded)
“Forget this, we’re going. You’re in a game.”

Player 1: “Do you want to see a photo of my penis?”
Player 2: “WHY would I want to see a photo of your schlong?!”
Player 3: “Is it covered in KFC batter?”

“Brawl? For leaping?”
“Depends on how hard you want to fight gravity.”

“Oh my god! Portal is just a rip-off of Paper Mario!”

“Mark Hamill could still act in Twilight.”
“He would out-act EVERYONE.”

“There’s an hour left. Die faster. We also want some scenes.”

“But it’s not PC, so let’s move on.”
“Since when has that EVER been a problem?”

“I want to make it clear that I almost had no hand in your penis.”
“You instigated it!”

“Now I see why it takes you guys FOREVER to do anything in your games.”

“Either you have an elf in your pants or you should really go to the doctor.”

“We’re not plaster-casting my penis!”

(After the GM left for the loo, seconds after all the penis talk)
“That’s it, the GM’s giving up.”
“No, he’s just going to look at his own.”

GM: “A black shadow leaps across the looftops.”
Player: “ ‘Looftops’? Is it a Chinese assassin?”

Player 1: “Care Bears don’t breed. They multiply by possessing people.”
Player 2: (as if he’s just remembering) “Ohh yeah…!”

“Hello, welcome to my knife.” (stab)

“Is there a reason why he waited?”
“Because he’s a good guy.”

“Hello my Strength dice pool. I love all five of you. (Rolls) I hate all of you!”

“You’re not my birthday dice! Be gone from me!”

Player: “And he brought a gun to a knife fight.”
Jack: “You know what’s better than bringing a gun to a knife fight? Bringing MY gun!”

“You would’ve made fantastic bacon. Or gumbo.”
“Mmm, bacon gumbo … Bumbo?”

“Have you heard of the drinking game of this? You have two teams, one drinks when they sing ‘Roxanne’, the other when then they sing ‘red light’.”

“This isn’t Deadlands. We don’t kill the clues here.”
“We get them drunk first.”

“I’ve got a pair of girls and a 12-year-old. Of course I’m going first.”

(And commenting on that Finn has been knighted)
“I bet that really annoys Set.”
“He hasn’t found out yet.”

“How did Finn get knighted? Did someone fall on him with a sword?”

“With great responsibility comes great power.”
“No, the other way around.”
“Shit.”

“Otherwise we’ll just genocide your entire race of humanity.”

“They’re not going, are they? Time to save the day again.”

“Is he falling into a burning ring of fire?”

“Why did you have to finish that sentence? Why?”

“Eat your heart out, Mary Poppins! Float toward it in an astronaut fashion.”

(Set finally finds out about Finn’s knighthood)
Set: “You got knighted while I was away? Nicely done. We should get a beer later.”

“It’s a polaroid, of course it’s admirable.”

Finn: “A woman in danger! We’re knights!”
Set: “Oh god, yes we are.”

“The handcuffs are not chimeric ones.”
“They’re pink, fluffy ones.”

“Ni!”
“Add seven letters to that.”
“Ni…hilists?”
“Actually, that works. But no: nightmare.”

“You’re self-defeating yourself!”

“I could spontaneously manifest Linguistics – I have 30 experience points left.”

“These heavily-accented cartoonists, do they have a smell of bacon and pastries about them?”

Finn: “Where are we?”
Bystander: “Don’t you know?!”
Finn: “Assume I’m a mental.”

“ ‘The District’? No, we’re not getting attacked by Prawns.”

“My real name is Finimbilin, but if you tell anyone, I kill you.”

“How do you spell that?”
“It doesn’t matter. The spelling changes every time I’m pissed. On a bad day, it’s Fini-squiggle.”

Finn: “You think I could make Baron by the end of the week?”

Yeah, Read And Find Out if Sir Finn has made Baron by the end of next session. He might well have ... See you then!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Go on, brainalyse us!