Second-hand lockpicks, here we go!


In this very first airing of our new characters, they were hired to look into the disappearance of a man's sister. She had been courted by a local slimeball, who may or may not have had something to do with the disappearance. Investigations ensued, taking us both on a stake-out and to a retirement home, with the mysterious Dr Chainsaw. The name might be a clue.

The heroes of this piece are the investigating team of Hatch and Malone. Private investigator Napoleon "Nape" Hatch likes to drink, and to ogle pretty dames. His colleague is a little bit harder to explain. Penny "Dreadful" Murphy is trying to become a full-time reporter, but these are troubled times and her articles aren't always selling - hence why she's also working as a private investigator. It would be a conflict of interest to write articles about cases you investigate, hence why she's using the (fairly obvious) pseudonym Molly Malone.

The two met while working on a case. Hatch was investigating whether or not some dame's husband was being unfaithful, and Malone was trying to get a scoop investigating the same thing, so they decided to work together. And then they thought it would be a good idea to continue working together. We'll see who regrets it first.

Courtesy of Wednesday 23 January 2013's Deadlands Noir adventure at Chimera.

Hatch: “Was she a doll?”
GM: “She wasn’t a looker, no.”
Hatch: “Because that matters to my character.”

GM: “You are both dicks.”
Malone (to Hatch): “Although you might later consider me an asshole.”

Hatch: “Are you a doll?”
Malone: “I don’t have Purdy, but I’m alright.”
Hatch: “I’ll probably pursue you anyway, because I have Lech.”

(Hatch tries calling his pardner, who doesn’t seem to want to pick it up)
Malone: “I don’t think I have a phone.”
GM: “I don’t think Hatch can AFFORD a phone.”

Sinéad (6-year-old Irish girl NPC): “I think she’s out. And I seem to have become Cockney.”

“Also the wrong currency if you want to give her a penny.”
“It’s a nickel.”

Malone: “Are we charging $18 per job or per day?”
Hatch: “Per day.”
Malone: “How long can we make the case last?”
Hatch: “Three days.”
Malone: “Excellent.”
Hatch: “If she doesn’t show up on her own.”
Malone: “If she does, can we keep her away for a couple of days?”

GM: “Joe had a better camera in Deadlands. He HAD a camera.”

“Did you have a good night last night?”
“Yeah. I would say it was memorable, but I don’t remember much of it.”

“We’re jealous but not over-wrought.”

Player: “Was it a he or a she?”
GM: “It was called Trevor.”

“Do you know if she’d normally stop at a supermarket … uh, SHOP, on the way home?”
“You mean grocery store.”

“Second-hand lockpicks, here we go!”

GM: “The other clue is a little more cryptic.”
Player: “MORE cryptic?!”

“We’re actually really good detectives, we just don’t look it.”

GM: “One of the thugs is looking straight at you.”
Player: “So it’s too late to put a lampshade over your head and pretend you’re not there?”

“Well, that was an Edge well spent.”

Malone: “It’s not necessarily a GOOD idea, but she thinks it is. I’m Curious, Impulsive and Brave.”
Hatch (grim): “And I’m following you.”

“MDF. MDF does fucking everything.”
“Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen. You’ve clearly never watched Changing Rooms.”

“I’m rolling higher tonight.”
“Which isn’t a good thing in this game.”

“What’s your beef?!”
“I prefer lamb.”

“Going up against the Black Hand for $18 a day probably isn’t a good idea.”

“I’m from Chicago, you see.”
“Really? I’ve always wanted to go to Seattle, myself.”

“I wrote down ‘waistcoat’ as the stuff you throw away. No wonder he didn’t look impressed.”

Hatch: “What were you drinking last night?”
Malone: “Guinness.”
GM: “You mean gasoline with whipped cream. And I SAY cream …”

The plot thickens next week. If Hatch is lucky, maybe next time he'll actually get invited to a christening shindig in the Irish quarter, so they can both be hung over.