Wednesday, 5 February 2014

You don’t need armour if they’re dead

When approaching a town, to which the party had tracked a missing box from the shipment transport, we encountered our fellow Blackstone Juggernaut Booker Dayes, the gunslinger. He was just finishing up "escorting" Liberace/a gaudy merchant/possibly his pimp, and reluctantly decided to join us.

We were urged to leave town as soon as we set a foot in it. They didn't want any trouble, and we looked like trouble (peh!). They'd struck a deal with human-eating lizard people to keep the town safe, we found out thanks to Baradhi's magics, and it would be a terrible shame if we were to get eaten. So we decided to stick around. After Jayson got his psi sword out and his kit off (more gifs, presumably) to prove he was a Cyber Knight.

Gorbash did his best to impress the townsfolk - whose previous experience of dragons didn't exactly make them friendly - by going to a hospital and healing people. When not getting drunk with Baradhi, Booker got to blow up a building (he was very happy).

The missing cargo was found along with the lone survivor from the transport, who insisted the box was evil and had to be destroyed. We were almost destroyed when finding this out, but it's good to have a friendly dragon on your side. The cargo - belonging to the mysterious "R.A.", how's that for coincidence? - was later delivered to Milan and a bunch of Rakshasa. We may have decided to find out where it was going ...

Courtesy of Wednesday 22 January 2014's Rifts roleplaying session at Chimera.


GM: “You’ve been set on babys--- merchant escorting.”

“When did Booker Dayes get a pimp?”

Gorbash: “You know that magic book, The Joy of Sex?”
Baradhi: “That’s not a magic book. Well, I suppose, depending on how you look at it.”

Booker: “Why are we going there? I mean, why are YOU going there?”

“He’s going to get eaten, more like. That’s a village full of cannibals.”

“It’s not often evolution develops the trait ‘fashion sense’.”

Baradhi: “So he really WAS your pimp.”
Booker: “No, I was on escort duty.”
Gorbash: “Exactly. ESCORT duty.”

Booker: “That kind of escort duty isn’t done by men!”
Jayson: “I’ve heard it CAN be.”
Booker: “Not by men!”
GM: “At least not by HIM.”

Baradhi (to Gorbash): “It’s a shame you’re having to learn about humans from this group.”

“Teach them. You know, kill a couple.”

Booker: “What’s the farmer chewing on?”
GM: “Grass.”
Jayson: “Be glad it’s not a finger. Someone else’s finger.”
Booker: “If it was a finger, I wouldn’t have tried talking to him. He would have talked to my guns.”

GM: “You know, in Westerns, when the bad guy enters the bar? That’s the kind of feeling you get when you enter the village.”
Player: “WE’RE the bad guys?!”

“W.R.I.G.H.T.?”
“Yes.”
“Right.”

Gorbash: “People who worship dragons for protection? Well, it makes more sense than SOME religions.”

“They’re not organised, they’re mad hatters.”
“Mad hatters can be organised.”

Gorbash: “You’re the same squishy meatbags.”
Booker: “You’re the same SCALEY meatbags. What’s the difference?”

“While we’re waiting, go be Jesus.”

“Why do I get a Jimmy Saville vibe?”
“Don’t molest them, HEAL them!”

GM: “There’s a little boy there who is very impressed by the Cyber Knight.”
Jayson (grinning): “‘Wanna touch my sword’?”
Rest of the table: “THAT. IS. SO. WRONG!!!”

Gorbash: “His name is Milan and he’s a right cock.”
GM: “That is the technical term for that particular dragon, yes.”

“We don’t judge people like that. – M’s character chokes on his drink.”

Booker: “You treat it like a bad night on the town. Chuck it to the back of the throat, dodging the tongue. I can teach you if you like.”
Baradhi: “… I’m good, thanks.”

“This is my disarming action: yoink!”

GM (to Booker): “You’re a sniper, you can make it.”
Player: “He doesn’t need encouragement!”

“Yeah, but I’m awesome, so …”

“You don’t need armour if they’re dead.”

“‘There, there; you’ll be fine’.”
“That only works on young girls, young boys and old people.”

Booker: “Does anyone have any explosives?”
Baradhi: “We saw what you did with that building.”
Booker: “… Point taken.”

“Gel seat? Is it a Harley Davidson horse?”

Booker: “I’m not going to spend one million on bullets that might not hit, even if I am the one in a million guy.”

“Moderate, severe, time to roleplay a different universe? Gimme a scale here.”

Next session, perhaps we'll get to kill a dragon. (Not Gorbash.) Even if we all "look the same" to him.

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