Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Why are we cooking the goblin?

After much ado, we decided to pick one of the many questing opportunities and try to sort out those Redbrands. Or something.

We entered into a cave system (this is D&D after all) with a rickety bridge over a chasm to kill unweary adventurers. Fortunately, we have a mage in the party, and the mage decided to pick Feather Fall when levelling up. It paid of pretty much straight away. Hooray!

In the cave, we met eliminated a Nothic aberration and some bugbears, and set a goblin thrall free. We're nice that way, but not nice enough to heal the poor fellow's bleeding hands first. We also found a room where a rat looked at us and then disappeared when it was shot at. It's an animagus, I tell you!

Courtesy of Wednesday 3 September 2014's 5th Edition Dugeons & Dragons roleplaying session at Chimera.

Dungeons & Dragons

“With your free time, shouldn’t you be out flogging adult nappies?”

“Hoggar.”
“What?”
“Hoggar.”
“I’ll repeat my question of ‘what?’ and hope to get a more legible answer this time.”

“Today we’re using plastic forks. We’re slumming it.”

“With a plug-point, I’m not autonomous, though.”
“I’ll have to rely on the state, damn it!”

“There is the problem of the generator you indicated would be diesel-powered which would have the slight downside problem of suffocating the people in the room. Including you.”
“Have you looked around this room? Is that REALLY a downside?”

“Yeah, you’re working from a pre-written adventure and we’re roleplayers.”

GM: “You’re not thorough enough. You’re not MMOing enough.”

“I need to change my voice, don’t I? Without sounding like creepy Carmilla.”

Player 1: “Flip a coin.”
GM: “There are more than two options.”
Player 2: “Flip many coins.”

GM: “I’m gonna call it twilight. But not in a sparkly vampire way.”

NPC child: “I don’t like the strange man in the skirt.”

“We need to make characters that get on more.”

“Fuck it. It’s a bad idea but that’s what you do in roleplaying.”

“Hello and welcome to paint by racism, for all your 18th century needs.”

GM: “The voice doesn’t come from somewhere, it comes from everywhere and goes directly into your head.”
Player 1: “Yes, you’re schizophrenic.”
Player 2: “Now THAT is Dolby Digital Surround Sound!”

“Could I have the map back, please?”
“The map you’ve got there?”
“This map here, yes. I failed THAT Perception check!”

Player 1: “NEVER play Victoriana in this group.”
Player 2: “Too late, already did.”
Player 3: “It went fine, except for The Fast Show and general nudity.”

Player: “Do we have to roll Survival to cross the rickety bridge?”
GM: “No, you won’t. It’s not gonna be there in a minute.”

“Ahh, utility mages. They might not be very good when bang goes to wallop, but otherwise …”

Malinda: “I’m so pleased I took Feather Fall.”
Tan: “So am I.”

“I saved his ass, that’s my excuse.” (for rolling 6 on Initiative)

Karak-Dag: “Tan, are you any good at locating traps?”
Tan: “It feels as if at one point, I should have been, but not anymore.”

“It’s such a good idea we went down this tunnel. I can’t believe someone didn’t want to come down here.” (says the only character to vote for doing a completely different mission)

(The resident baker for the table proposes making liquorice cookies, with salty liquorice bits in)
Brit: “What kind of an evil witch are you?!”
Swede: “The good kind.”

“To power gamers, Augury scrolls are useless. For people interested in roleplaying, it’s a good idea.”

“My name is Rhogar Donkeylicker. People laugh when I tell name. Have you given me rude name?”

“What would happen if you cast Feather Fall on a feather?”
“It would just fall as normal.”
“Orright spoilsport. SOMEONE’s read the rulebook, I take it.”

“We’ve both reached and touched scrota.”

Swede: “Any more yummy sweets?” (offers salty liquorice)
Brit: “No. No more yucky death sweets!”

Karak-Dag: “RAAAAARGHH!!!”
Rhogar: “You steal Rhogar’s line. Rhogar’s agent will be in contact with you.”

GM: “The damage range is 4-18 and you took four. I are disappoints.”

Player: “Minimum damage I can do is seven.”
GM: “Why did you roll a d6? A longsword is d8.”
Player (rolls another 1): “Still seven.”

“What order does that happen in? Not that I’m power playing or anything.”

“Why are we cooking the goblin?”
“It’s a good torture technique.”

Karak-Dag: “There are some options not meant to be open! What are you a monk of?!”
Tan: “Many options.”

“NOW I’m power playing! It’s all your fault!” (to GM)

“Throw money at problem, problem go away.”

“Aaaah, I feel dirty inside!”

“It’s like The Matrix.” (looks blank for a moment then blinks) “I can shoe horses!”

Malinda (mildly): “I’m quite fond of my spleen, thank you.”

Player 1: “It seemed a good idea at the time.” (after getting unstuck from a piece of cardboard)
GM: “Isn’t that what most children’s minds say?”
Player 2: “Why do you assume adults are any better? We’re sitting here, I’m pretending to be a Russian dragon person!”
GM: “You’re supposed to be Russian?”
Player 2: “Well, fuck you.”
Rhogar: “Look, I know it’s comical and not that good, but you know, sometimes you hurt my feelings. I may have tough external leathery hide, but inside is warm, mushy hug.”

“All we did was to commit murder in the street!”

“Yes. Let’s just systematically butcher them!”
“That’s the idea, yeah.”

“I didn’t mean to take his head off! He shouldn’t have moved!”

“See if there’s anything you can pilfer. Borrow … indefinitely.”
“Pilfer.”

“It’s an animagus. Kill it!”
“Fookin ‘ell that goes back a bit.”

Player 1: “It tastes of strawberries.”
Player 2: “It tastes of strawberry flavouring.”
Player 3: “It tastes the way the food industry thinks strawberries taste. Which tastes nothing like actual strawberries.”

“I like this dungeon. I’m gonna call it Fluffy.”

“We don’t get any XP? It’s like Delta Green all over again.”
“No, in Delta Green you’d be dead.”

“Who wants the last After Eight? Oh, me? Alright then.”

“We’re roleplayers, we can say what we want. It’s pretty much a licence to speak your mind.”

Next session we're a couple of players down, so we're set for an evening of boardgaming, meaning I'm unlikely to have written anything down. Unless that turns out not to be so, next week's post will instead be part one of Jurisfiction: Life, the BookWorld, and Everything.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Go on, brainalyse us!