Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Can I buy that die off you and chuck it away?

After more travelling, we came to the house of Agatha the Banshee. We gave her a nice comb and she answered the question we posed. We just had to try to remember (as players) whose magic book we were supposed to ask her about. As it happened, the person who always writes everything down hadn't written that particular bit down.

The GM "helped", saying it was a funny name and it began with "Bow", because apparently, when it had been mentioned in passing many weeks out-of-game previously, the person who heard it had said "it's funny, because it sounds like Bojangle". Let's just say the clue didn't help, because the name wasn't actually funny.

Aaaaanyway. We then came across a wizard in a tent, guarded by zombies. We got rid of the zombies, and instead of sticking around and getting information from the wizard, we got rid of him too. Oh the things we do for XP ...

Courtesy of Wednesday 8 October 2014's 5th Edition Dugeons & Dragons roleplaying session at Chimera.

Dungeons & Dragons

“We could always apply the d4 rule.”
“Oh yeah, like THAT works.”

“I know nothing about Ebola.”
“That’s okay. All you need to know is that you should PANIC!!!”

“Red Vines have that new car smell.”

“Now that I’ve tried a Red Vine, I know what it tastes and smells like. TCP.”

GM: “It was a weird night last night. The moon was affecting your magic.”
Malinda (trying to fire spells and failing): “Pew, pew, pew.”

GM: “The day is uneventful. The players are upset because they wanted XP.”

“Run, children! GM’s looking through the pages!”

“There’s not going to be any inbreeding, is there?”

“It sounds like we have a plan.”
“Oh no!”

“Do you now have a cake book?”
“Yes. My character sheet is now confectionary.”

“We would have found the treasure but it was covered in jam.”

“Oh, my CHARACTER remembers. Problem is I don’t.”

“I only write down stuff my characters find out.”
“Oh look at you, proper roleplaying.”

GM: “Should I treat this the way M treated my character in Shadowrun?”
Player 1: “Yes!”
Player 2: “He doesn’t speak for the party!”

“Can I Intimidate the knowledge out of the air? Athletics it?”

“I’m bulging with muscles, not ideas.”

“Can I buy that die off you and chuck it away?”

“God damn it! You’ve got more d20s than anyone I know alive and all of them are shit!”

“Thank you, Mr GM, you are so kind to us.”

“We’ve brought gifts.”
“Twinkies!”

“I’d say let the guy with the highest Charisma do the talking, but I don’t trust his dice.”

GM: “This episode would make the cutting-room floor of Game of Thrones.”
Player: “Not enough boobs?”

GM: “She wouldn’t be interested in your spellbook.”
Player: “Unless it’s made by Paperblanks, because those books are lush.”

“The problem is we’re all GMs and we know what we’d do in this situation.”

“Your dice are failing me.”

“Why WOULDN’T you use a die called Overachiever?”
“You’re making it nervous to perform now.”

“I am Hulk of this group. Shut up, Hawkeye!”

“Okay, moving on … because you sound crazy now.”

GM: “It takes the better part of the day.”
Player: “Aww, but that only leaves the shitter part of the day.”

GM: “Roll me Initiative.”
Tan: “No.”

“Hematite’s just gonna say ‘in the name of whoever it is I worship, be gone!’ and they’ll all disappear.”

“‘Why not?’ There’s 12 of them! That’s why not!”

GM: “Their punches HURT.”
Player: “Not at 70 feet.”

“Hitting them isn’t the problem. Murdalising them is the problem.”

“A child choir, with seven of them at the front, miming murdering someone. – What is WRONG with my MIND?!”

“I can sit with the group now, without having to feel embarrassed.”

“Where I come from, we call that aggressive negotiation.”

“Rhogar has a sinking feeling he’s gonna end up having to carry all this shit.”

“Why are you listening to magical advice from the barbarian?”

“Scroll of Darkness? Does it mean that if we cast it, we get the band The Darkness?”

Rhogar’s player: “I hope it’s not Excalibur. Rhogar would make a terrible king.”
Rhogar: “King Rhogar say we go on raid! We go to Neverwinter and pillage!”

“I’m getting pleasured from multiple directions.”
“Is that statement followed by ‘Rhogar happy’?”

Maybe we might even find a trace of cousins next time. Or maybe we'll just find more zombies.

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