I'd apologise but this is hilarious

Ahh, our first Hunter session since May 2014. It's good to be back, even though we're technically back in Derby.

So, the world's about to end in about a week's time and apparently, there is some old Japanese legend of people who bear the mark of a curse that go through a sacrifice of fire in order to cleanse the world of the curse. It looks like an orange circle, this curse mark thingamajig, and is currently occupying the skin of both Eddie and Tilly.

Since May, we have of course lost Tommy Crane's player, but we've instead gained Alex Surname, a 30-35-year-old war veteran who spent a couple of years in a mental hospital being treated for PTSD after coming back from a tour in Afghanistan. There was a werewolf, and there are no werewolves in real life, that sort of thing. He also made friends with Keles Moriton (formerly known as Rommel) in Afghanistan, and now he told Alex to make friends with us lot.

Alex also has an Alsatian, but an adult version called Karl. He pointed out that Tilly's 10-week-old puppy wasn't a puppy at all, and despite the party's best efforts at gesturing him to STFU and not trigger the Russian, Zolistagol finally realised that Rommel (the puppy) wasn't a puppy and freaked the hell out. It almost ended badly.

Not as badly, however, as things ended for Eddie's "chemical analysis lab" in a generic warehouse. The hollow Nazi gold bar we found turned out to contain something that turned people into radioactive barf zombies (!), and they're hell-bent on spreading themselves upon Derby like a bad case of Ebola. Err, yay?

Courtesy of Tuesday 27 January 2015's Hunter: The Reckoning roleplaying session at Chimera.

“I get the kill but it was definitely a team effort.”

Player: “He’s not called Zolistagol, he’s Dr Molotov.”
GM: “That’s the nickname we’re not currently using.”

“Guys! The lord guy’s insane!”
“I think they already know.”

“Why would you get custom plates for a 1970s Škoda? It has more in common with a house than a car.”
“I thought you were gonna say rust bucket.”

GM: “Oh, I can’t think of the name!”
Player 1: “Taliban?”
GM: “YES! Taliban!”
Player 2: “I was expecting some kind of supernatural creature, like a werewolf, but no, it’s the Taliban.”

GM: “He looks like he’s in a Nazi uniform crossed with medieval Crusader armour.”
Alex: “What. The. Fuck. Is going. On?”
GM: “You shouldn’t have had the mushroom soup.”

Alex: “At least I know I’m insane.”
Keles Moriton: “You’re not insane.”
Alex: “Says the Nazi Crusader.”
Keles Moriton: “FORMER Nazi.”
Alex: “Who’s live for 800 years.”
Keles Moriton: “823 to be precise.”

“I didn’t realise the end of the world had a calendar appointment.”

Trevor: “Isn’t it weird that a week ago we were sitting here on the sofa eating sandwiches and watching the recorded Derby game on the TV?”
Player: “It feels like months and months ago.”

Trevor: “It’s a form of legitimate robbery. Called tax.”

“I don’t want to eat anything that’s considered an experience!”

Player 1: “They dress up as modern day Vikings.”
Player 2: “Modern day or modern gay?”
Player 1: “Modern DAY.”
Player 3: “I like your version better.”

(Eddie walks over with Axelsior to see who’s at the door – Alex immediately pulls a gun on him)
Trevor: “Not in the house!”
Alex: “Tell the crazy axe man to put the axe down!”
Trevor: “I’m telling the crazy gun man. Do you want me to get my shotgun and we can have a pissing contest?”

Player: “Does Eddie still have a member?”
GM: “It depends. It’s … larger.”
Player: “In a good way or a bad way?”
Eddie: “In a GOOD way!!”

“It’s not a mansion per se, but the west wing is quite nice.”

“I’d apologise but this is hilarious.”

“First five minutes of meeting the party and already you’re fighting each other.”

GM: “Thanks guys, that was nice.”

Alex: “You killed an inspector?”
Eddie: “No we didn’t!”
Zolistagol: “He was a detective inspector.”
Trevor: “He was a sergeant, and we didn’t kill him.”

(Alex has just told his background story of Afghanistan and mental hospital and all that)
Trevor: “Which hospital?”
Alex: “Really? That’s what you took from that?”

Eddie: “RAMS! – You haven’t got a little book of grudges in this game too, have you?”
Alex/Ulmolf: “Aye laddie! Push those fucken sheep in my face again …”

“I have a question: can you make wine from tomatoes?”

Alex: “Considering I’ve only just met you, it would be bad form to shoot you.”

(After some kids opened the shop door only to shout abuse at everyone inside)
Player 1: “What did they say?”
Player 2: “Virgins.”
Player 3: “Well, they probably are, but did we really need to know that?”

“I’m devastated. I’ve been married all these years and I’m still a virgin.”

Player 1: “My wife and I have never had sex but we have all these children. How did that happen?”
Player 2: “Virgin births! Both times!”
Player 3: “Wait, does that mean that BOTH your children are Jesus?!”

Child 1: “You’re not Jesus!”
Child 2: “No, YOU’RE not Jesus!”
Player: “He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!”

“Here’s a gold bar with a Nazi symbol on it. How much would I get for that at Cash 4 Gold?”
“Eleven years?”

“There’s still a tooth in this gold.”
“You want the tooth? You can’t handle the tooth.”

“Vagina is not a clown car.”

Player: “Wait, they’re zombies … and there’s green goo. You’ve created radioactive barf zombies, haven’t you?”
GM: “Radioactive NAZI barf zombies!”
Player: “Even better!”

“Why do explosions and gun fire trigger your war memories?”

“How come the most mentally unstable person in the group always has automatic weapons and hand grenades?”

“Should I throw Heroic Molotov at it?”
“Is that what you’ve called one of your powers?”

Zolistagol: “Eddie! I thought I was a crazy bastard! What are you doing?!”

Trevor: “Tilly, move over and I’ll drive.”
Tilly: “Because I’m black, so we’re more likely to be stopped if I’m driving?”
Trevor (to Alex): “For the record, I’m not racist, I have specialist driver training.”

Eddie: “My guys have been looking for the Russians for … hours.”

“Yeah, that massive Russian mob problem Derby has. This is why I love roleplaying.”

“You’re giving the GM ideas! Quiet!”
“But if we give him ideas, maybe we’ll have some plot direction.”

“Paranoia is not actually a derangement in this game, it’s just an observation.”

“Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen.”
“Except Jesus.”
“Yes. Except Jesus.”

See? Alex fits right in. ;) See you next week!