Monday, 25 April 2016

Don't even PRETEND this was part of the plan!

In a session where the players kept ehh doing things that the GM hadn't planned for ... like trying to communicate with the spirit/thing trapped inside the portal because rune magic. It's a Pandemonium devil, by the way, and it basically went "you what? LOL" at Gorbash and Alistair when they tried to find an alternative way to activate the gate which wouldn't include blood sacrifice.

Jayson hung out with his fellow Cyber-knights, who kept talking to him about keeping on the straight and narrow (Booker's reputation precedes him, shall we say?) so eventually he stood up and held a speech saying he's not turning to the Dark Side just yet, so chill, basically. One of them proceeded to try and recruit him on a so far unsanctioned battle in Tolkeen, which he wasn't too happy about and later raised with Joan.

Meanwhile, Booker tried to test the protection around the gate and voluntarily spent the night in the Cyber-knights' jail, where Sir Alan read the Codex at him for teh rest of the night. Apparently it was a good background noise to fall asleep to. In the morning Elyssia came along and insulted Hecate through Booker, causing a lightning bolt to blow her through a wall. They were asked to take their arguments outside of the city walls until they could calm down.

The way to activate the portal is through blood magic, i.e. someone needs to die, Booker was told by Hecate - she should know, it's her gate, after all. Booker informed Jayson of this and the two went around town looking to see exactly how bad it would be, sacrifice-wise. A cute 7-year-old girl with pigtails was the answer, which even Booker felt uneasy about, despite being a former assassin.

They consulted with Joan, who would rather the people who might or might not be alive in Nxla's realm stay there rather than sacrificing an innocent child. Gorbash came along and suggested maybe we could use Rakshasa instead, because they're evil anyway so doesn't matter. Joan still vetoed the use of blood magic, because she's not insane.

At this point in time it's starting to seem as if we're not going to Nxla's realm after all. 'Tis a silly place.

Courtesy of Monday 18 April 2016's Rifts roleplaying session at Chimera.


“Booker’s drilling a hole in the roof because he can’t use the front door like a fucking normal person.”

GM: “What are you looking for? Maybe I can assist?”
Player: “Deception?”

“Magestar helps people.”
“Magestar doesn’t help people!”
“Gorbash thinks they do.”

Elyssia: “The only thing I know is that I was sent here by Psiscape in order to help the Chosen One, and unfortunately, that’s Booker.”

“Through the ages heroes are often remembered as perfect.”
“When in fact they’re dicks.”

“Outliving Cthulhu is making sure you have the lowest Perception score possible.”

(After talking about the tempting merits of blood magic)
GM: “The GM’s not playing into his hands here or anything ...”
Alistair (leaning in): “Go on ...”

“I know what I’m doing.”
“Famous. Last. Words.”

Alistair: “You went into my brother’s house? What did you take?”
Player (casually): “His life.”

GM: “Baradhi will give you the notes.”
Player: “HEY CAMEO FROM FORMER PLAYER’S CHARACTER!”

“If a relationship hasn’t been declared, it was just a one night stand in a shower.”
“Oh, it was several nights stands, actually.”

“Is that several nights stands or several nightstands?”
“I was going to come talk with you but I won’t now.”

GM: “Ixchal is Silversmith, Maria is East Side Boys.”
Jayson: “No, Maria is ALL woman ...”

Alistair: “Okay, so I need to befriend the portal in order to use it as a giant battery.”

“Why didn’t you take the psionic power that lets you breach the fourth wall?”

“Just making sure it’s not in your way.”
“Nothing’s in my way. Except the whole world.”

“Booker likes being the Chosen One when it suits him, which is normally when it’s inconvenient for everyone else.”

Guard: “Some guy called Gorbash is outside.”
Alistair (impatiently): “Send him in.”
Guard (highly sceptical): “Really?”
Alistair: “Do I have to repeat myself?”

“I don’t like the book the GM’s reaching for.”

GM: “I hadn’t really contemplated you taking to the gate.”
Player: “You know you’ve succeeded as a player when the GM says that.”

GM: “You basically need to roll a critical success.”
Player (rolls, triumphantly): “001!”
GM: “EFF YOU!”

“This is where we lose Gorbash to the Dark Side.”
“Corrupting dragons one demon portal at a time.”

“So who’s second on the Chosen One list?”

“Don’t even PRETEND this was part of the plan!”

GM: “You haven’t seen Booker since last night.”
Player: “Who gives a shit? He’s an arsehole!”

“I can buy grain AND techno wizard items from this stall? Oh yeah, the sign says Ye Olde Walmart.”

GM: “What’s the Cyber-knight doing?”
Jayson: “Training montage. I have to think of Tumblr. Those gifs don’t make themselves.”

“He doesn’t need other people to dig him a hole, he does that himself. And provides a coffin ... and dirt ...”

“How DARE you pronounce things in your mother tongue?!”

“Ain’t nobody got time for you, dragon. Talk to the hand, ‘cause the gate ain’t list’nin’!”

Player: “That guy’s a few baskets short of a picnic.”
GM: “Pandemonium? REALLY?”

Elyssia (to a couple of irate Cyber-knights): “Booker said he killed one of your order? And you BELIEVED him?”

“You’re either supremely gifted or a blight on this world. I have yet to decide which one.”
“He’s a supremely gifted blight.”

Elyssia (after being hit by Hecate’s lightning bold): “Zeus is better!”

Alistair: “Where’s Elyssia?”
Gorbash: “She probably just pissed off Booker and Hecate. I recognise the lightning bolt from the Grey Seers.”

(Elyssia insults Hecate again)
Player: “Save versus magic.”
(Elyssia clarifies stuff with GM)
GM: “Save versus magic.”
Player: “For the record: CALLED IT!”

“See? I told you we were corrupting the dragon one demon portal at a time.”

Jayson: “Fantastic hair blowing in the wind.”
Elyssia: “Darling, PLEASE.” (flicks hair)
Jayson: “Yeah, but you’re a lady, and Gorbash is supernatural, so you don’t count.”
Elyssia: “I’m a lady AND supernatural, so I definitely don’t count.”

GM: “So the dragon is alone with the portal?”
Player: “I don’t like where this is going.”

GM: “So you’re all in one place, finally.”
Player: “Something bad’s going to happen.”

Booker: “That was a low blow, Gorbash. That’s a worse insult than all the Cyber-knights in the city.”
Jayson: “Gives you a STERN LOOK again.”
Alistair: “This is worse than when he insulted your looks.”
Elyssia: “You’re very pretty for a human, Jayson.”
Alistair: “See? A god thinks you’re pretty!”

Elyssia: “I don’t see this going wrong in any shape or form.”
Player: “I do.”
Elyssia: “That’s why she said it sarcastically.”

Booker: “I WILL find a way to be a godslayer.”

“I’m trying to remember how Hecate closed the portal.”
“Godly mumbo-jumbo.”

GM: “Things particularly good for sacrificing: children, virgins ... well, that’s about it.”

Booker: “I’m wandering the streets looking for a victim.”
Jayson: “Noble sacrifice.”
Booker: “Sure, let’s call it that.”

To be continued!

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