We're not here to assassinate the guy from The Fast Show

In the third and final part of this Victoriana session the party have dinner with Lord Ralph, make countless references to The Fast Show, find out that Ted's wife is actually Mrs Doyle, and try to find out if Ralph, Ted or Mrs Ted know anything about why they might have crashed an airship in a field nearby.

They find out that there's another manor not too far away, belonging to the Waldegrave family (who may or may not be shady), and that there's a vicar who might know something that could help them.

Courtesy of 7 August 2012's 2nd Edition Victoriana adventure at Chimera.


“He was carrying a weapon? I should have been more respectful to him.”

“If were meant to land anywhere near here and assassinate this bloke, wouldn’t we have landed rather than crashed?”
“I never said assassinate – that was YOUR job. Reconnoitre!”

GM: “By the rule of Tolkien, you can stay here for two weeks and it doesn’t affect the plot in general.”
Player: “That would only work if we were in some kind of book. Aah, we’ve got the wrong character sheets! We’re Jurisfiction agents!”

“You copied an idea from Detox: The Regrettening?! That is a mad concept!”

“Man, that was subtle. That was subtle as a brick in the face.”
“That was about as subtle as ME!”
“Hold on, you can do subtle?”

“Told you we weren’t here to assassinate the guy from The Fast Show. Told you.”

“You can’t be happy about being emo, because that would not be emo.”

“You can’t say that you’re happy about looking more emo.”
“No, but you can be indifferent about it.”

“You opened this door, I apologise.”
“That’s true, you asked for it!”

Player 1: “Do I find a group of, say, four or five Mexicans with small musical devices or anything like that?”
GM: “They’re the dinner entertainment. There’s a guy that turns around every time he needs to say ‘nice’.”
Player 1: “Is there a live jazz musician?”
GM: “Yeah, those are the four Mexicans.”
Player 2: “We are so very doomed.”

GM: “There’s a butler that says that anything is like making love to a beautiful womaaan. I could go on.”

Player 1: “Serving dinner is like making love to a beautiful woman. You have to make sure your hand is steady, and make sure to keep stable, and follow through with everything you do.”
Player 2: “Suits you, sir.”
GM: “Yes, that’s the butler that dresses people.”
Player 3: “We’re stuck in some kind of hell!”

“Are you going to come to dinner dressed as a man? Because that would be weird!”

“This is typical of you! One night captain! One night captain!”

“You know how I’ve cleaned up? I actually look worse. The dirt was hiding numerous diseases and scars.”

GM: “In the kitchens you find Mrs Ted.”
Player: “Is Mrs Ted Nyarlathotep? Because that would make so much sense.”

“Beer and tea, mmmmmm.”

Mrs Ted: “Won’t you have a biscuit? Go on. There’s cocaine in it.”
Unlike: “Oh, go on, then!”

“Tinware not good enough for you now that you’ve had a bath?”

“Wait, what’s happenin’? Are we in a drawing room?”

“Why is he a captain? WHY IS HE A MAN?! HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE A WOMAN! Wait, we’re not going with the disguise anymore?”
“There’s nothing wrong with a theatrical reveal.”

Player: “Back to the plot! Wait, there’s plot?”
GM: “No.”

NPC: “They bricked up a lady in the 1500s.”
Player: “Is that all?”

“So you assume we’re working for the Crown? That someone like me is working for the Crown? I’m missing me front teeth!

“Did you just call me a ne’er-do-well to my face?!”
“Oh, I do apologise.”
“Thank you.”

“We go to the Waldegraves armed to the teeth.”
“I haven’t got any teeth to be armed to.”

Mrs Ted: “Would you like some tea?”
Player: “Say yes.”
Mrs Ted: “Tea? Would you like some tea? Go on. Have some tea. Would you like some tea, sir?”
Bob: “No thank you.”
Mrs Ted: “Go on.”
Player: “SAY YES.”
Mrs Ted: “Go on.”
Player: “She’s VERY PATIENT.”

GM: “She even manages to find you that …”
Player 1: “1870s Chardonnay.”
GM: “That’ll be difficult, considering it’s like 1866 or something.”
Player 2: “It’s a Chardonnay from the FUTUUURE!”

Cid: “Master Ralph.”
Ralph: “Yes?”
Cid: “Would it be possible to requisition any arms for our endeavour? If you would be so kind.”
Ralph: “… You have two already, sir?”
Bob: “Weapons.”
Ralph: “Ohh.”

“One of us has to be subtle, even though I’m teamed up with Boba Fett and Captain Dashing over there.”

Ralph: “Rifles? We need those for the rabbits.”
Unlike: “Dangerous were-rabbits, are they?”
Ralph: “No, but they make good stew.”

“I don’t have to disguise myself as a man; I’m already one.”

“We’re off to see the vicar!”
“The wonderful vicar of hell!”

“If he comes back, we’ll have to think how a necromancer will fit into all of this.”
“He’s the vicar’s assistant!”

GM: “With the game, it’s like … yes, I can run it without one player, ‘cause my plan is kind of to have you wake up in a field, and we’ll take it from there.”

And that's exactly what happened as well. To be continued!