Okay, dynamite enema it is

Courtesy of the last night's 1st Edition Deadlands adventure at Chimera. It's back! And it's actually more stuff than last week, because yes, the party really is that crazy. :D This week in 19th Century Weird West, we found come clues as to where to look for the stolen black diamond a certain Dr. Hellstromme hired us to find. On the way there, we took the train, which meant the GM could finally unleash Murder on the Hellstromme Express on us!

Again, we bring you random comments from players and GM, along with a party consisting of an Alchemist Snake-oil salesman, a geriatric Gunslinger, a dynamite-obsessed Huckster, a Mad Scientist with an antique Gatling gun, and a high-falutin' Reporter. And a chorus of a train full of mad scientists, automaton ants and a train manipulation contest. Oh, and casual racism.

”It’s still dark? And we’re searching for a BLACK diamond?”

GM: “You find $51.”
Alchemist (a Greedy Miser): “HOT DAWG!!” (Moments later) “That’ll keep me in supplies for … two doses.”

“The important thing to remember is … he’s a dick.” (Reverend Ezekiah Grimme)

“So we’re going, then?” (to the City of Lost Angels)
“I need persuadin’!”

“Pirate women are HOT!”
“What with the eye-patch and all.”

Player 1: “We can call it a shiny stone, to emphasise the shininess.”
Player 2: “Or we could just call it a diamond.”
GM: “Or you could just call it the Heart of Darkness, as that’s what it’s actually called.”

“We’re not political here, we’re all equally greedy.”

“You ever get the feeling we’re getting railroaded?”
“You should stop making puns like that in a game that uses chips we can throw at you.”

(After one of the players had been playing with making a haiku on the theme “big fish, little fish, cardboard box”)
“… It was certainly done in the STYLE of a haiku.”

“Shall we get on with Deadlands?”
“No, I’m … busy … with haikus.”

“Okay, dynamite enema it is.”

“When he gets back to the restaurant, can I make a Scrutinize roll to see if I can SMELL THE GOLD?”

“Get it in Mormon Dollars, so they can look at us sternly.”

Mad Scientist & Gunslinger: “You’ve got a gold bar?!”
Alchemist (gleefully): “Soon to be two!”

“I really just want to hit people with my money.”

“You can turn lead into gold with a 7? Epic system!”

Alchemist: “You can’t spend gold embedded in people’s bodies.”
GM: “That’s why you need quicklime!”
Alchemist: “I’m not making quicklime!”
Player: “Not even to get at gold?”
Alchemist: (ponderous silence)

“Aren’t they big squirrels?”
“Cajuns? No, they’re French.”

“Cajuns. HAIRY Cajuns.”

GM: “Roll me 5 D6.”
Mad Scientist: “Five?! … I have a skill with D6?”

(Making a Medicine roll): “Eight.”
“I don’t know how it works.”
“Neither do I.”

“How come I only have 2 Grit?! I’m rolling in Grit! I don’t wash!”

“He’s got Grit envy.”

(On the train) “Can I make a Medicine roll on the sandwich he’s about to eat?”

(Watches GM leave the table) “He’s given up.”

GM: “It’s got a really good title. Can you read it?”
Player: “I can read ‘Deadlands’?”
GM: “Good!”

GM: “It’s something that can happen on your way.”
Player 1 (excited): “XP!”
Player 2: “That’s all that matters, right?”

(Patiently explaining where the green chips come from) “When a blue chip and a yellow chip love each other very much …”

“Are there any French?”
“I thought they were hairy apes!”

“I sleep. Like an old man on a train. Because I am.”

“The red chips are on the reservation shooting white chips.”

“What about the yellow chips?”
“There aren’t any.”
“The yellow chips are working on the railroad.”

“It’s like Jenga. The first modification to blow the train up loses!”

“It doesn’t count as a real marriage if you make her out of steel.”

“Deadlands – guess as daft as you can – it’s probably true.”

(After finding out the train is full of competing Mad Scientists) “No wonder these tickets were free.”

Mad Scientist: “GRRRR!!!”
Gunslinger: “When did you become Charlie Brown?!”

(After Alchemist was trying to sell potions to some train drivers and rolled high on Persuasion)
NPC: “I wish I had some money right now …”
Alchemist (sad): “…I wish you did too.”

Huckster: “Was that an Overawe?”
Gunslinger: “No, that was just me being grumpy.”

(Mechanical ants are crawling all over the Mad Scientist) “Should I make a guts check? Screw that! AAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!!!!!! I pull my gun out and shoot them!!”

“Madness is just logic approached from the other direction.”

“We get a stunt GM for the difficult dice rolls.”

“We should play more often.”
“Next time we’ll play Russian roulette.”
“With gold bullets.”
“No, that’s a waste of gold!”

“Never a dull day.”
“I beg to differ.”

“If people get shot, there are wounds to heal, and if there are wounds to heal, it means I get to SELL stuff!”


“Note to self: put some points into Filchin’.”

GM: “It’s up to you what you want to do.”
Alchemist: “Hawk, hawk, hawk!”

“What IS quicklime anyway?”
“I don’t really know.”
“I feel a Google check coming on.”

“I should have a tub of quicklime to throw at people.”
“That’s not disturbed.”
“I throw dynamite as well?”

PC: “I know one.” (a Gunslinger)
NPC: “The paranoid one who tried to shoot you?”

“What other services can you offer?”
“Woah, nothing like that!”
“I think you need a lady for that.”

“Is this guy bothering you? I can shoot him if you want.”

“Stop bringin’ up the wife! She wasn’t a machine, she was just a cold-hearted bitch!”

(After sampling a very, very strong liquor known as Ghost Rock)
“Did it get on the train of its own accord, or was it brought on?”
“ ‘Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be your drink for the evening.’ ”

“I can’t guarantee getting 27 on this one.” (Rolls 25.)

“(GM), I’m judging you now.”

“He’s got 5 D12 in Punning.”

“I thought the level was low enough.”
“We’re below dissolving people with quicklime, but we’re still above necrophilia.”

“It appears you’ve been outdone. Do you want to join the jealous mad scientists now?”
“YES! Yes I would!”

“I’m like an old man with his prescriptions.”

And bonus, from the car on the way home:

“…feed the ferrets…”
“You have FERRETS?!”

“Stop being speciesist about the ferrets!”

Stay tuned for more madness next week! We'll be switching to Changeling: The Dreaming next!