“Fascist Elvis?! There’s NO universe where that exists!”
“Christopher Walken doesn’t have an agent; he just appears on film sets and says random lines.”
“There’s a Christopher Walken clause in every contract.”
“In order to seduce me, you don’t need a lot.”
(Grabbing pen & paper) “Okay, I’m interested and I want to learn more!”
(Lecturing voice) “Okay, #1: Be available …”
“YOU LILY-LIVERED SON OF A SNAKE! … He’s not listening.”
“See if we get to the end of the adventure in this session.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here!”
“True.”
“Let’s see if we can get to the next page.”
“We’re like a REALLY slow reader.”
“I’ve known a woman who was practically spherical.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t tell her that!”
“She’s not married.”
“My specimen certainly isn’t.”
“Wait, you skived off college to watch Moomin?”
“They’re creatures from HELL!”
“No, they’re from Finland. There’s a difference.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“For being shit.”
“Let’s get on with the game before I kill myself.”
“Injuns blew up the train and there were barf zombies. Get over it.”
“From now on, we don’t trust prawns. They could be working for the enemy.”
“Coffee has always left a bad taste in my mouth.”
“I have no idea if that was a pun or a general statement.”
“All my skills are social.”
“It doesn’t show!”
“To be fair, to kill my character, all you need to do is wait a couple of years.”
(Discussing some sort of Holy Water well in the City of Lost Angels)
“Maybe they’d be blessed … maybe they’d have extra appendages.”
“No! Deny yourself the Viscount, the pun wasn’t good enough.”
“Wherever we go, we spread death, destruction and slight delays.”
“Well, to that I say: fuck ‘em!”
“Owhhh! – That actually needed a groan. Owhhh.”
“Is he threatening an entire train full of mad scientists? Nice knowin’ ya!”
“I’m from Louisiana, I know how to make anything into food.”
“This isn’t so much Murder on the Hellstromme Express as the Darwin Awards on the Hellstromme Express.”
“I’m taking a chip off you.”
“As he walks past, our eyes meet briefly, then part …”
“There’s a spark of electricity in the air …”
“Because of all the mad scientists.”
“Of course.”
“Nothing else.”
“You seem to have two modes, Sam. Sullen or angry.”
“Sometimes he’s drunk.”
“This is why you don’t do this on a train!”
“I normally pay good money for this kind of show. It’s fine!”
“I don’t remember New Orleans. It was after the Cajun incident.”
“Sir, you look remarkably shaken, etc. etc.”
“This wonderful new medicine called ‘Placebo’.”
“Quickly, making sure it doesn’t go off without us.”
“The train or the dead man?”
“In this game, both are entirely possible.”
(Debating what to do with a corpse, eventually deciding to leave it for the crows.)
“They call that Sky Burial.”
“That’s my conscience sorted.”
“I stole a bazooka off a corpse!”
GM: “The train is now moving.”
Player 1: “We do normal stuff. Eat. Have tea.”
Player 2: “We are lousy detectives. People are dying like flies and we’re like, ‘let’s have tea’.”
“Now he looks like Wyatt Earp!”
“I can’t decide if it’s beautiful or hideous.”
“So we’re back to ‘there’s a killer’ theory?”
“What can I get you?”
“Anything without prawns.”
“Anything WITH prawns! Have you got any gumbo?”
“…And make things that can make a gourmet cry.”
“And kill a town.”
“Some time between when I was born and now. Ish.”
“Save your chips. You need them with the food.”
“No! Time’s gone all David Lynch again!”
(When hearing a loud motor noise from outside the shop)
“Who started the diesel generator?”
“It sounds like someone’s mowing the lawn.”
“On the high street?”
“It DOES sound like someone’s riding a whisk. Or an angle grinder.”
“Can I roll something to get a reaction? I can’t roll Insinuation.”
“I’m ready to try something else.”
“Like shooting him?”
“Does it explode when we’re eating it?”
“Good to hear we’re not suspicious about the food.”
“You shellfish bitch. You ruined my marriage.”
“It’s a tough time being in a Deadlands adventure. Fear of soup.”
“Are you all right there?”
“Sorry, I’m just molesting (Player).”
(Player): “It felt good. Do it again.”
“I smell a rat. Or should I say … an ant.”
“I’ve had it with these mechanical ants on this mechanical train!”
“You’ve walked with injuns and you don’t know what manitous are?”
“Which one did you hit?”
“The one with the chainsaw sounds like a good idea!”
“Hearts, spades, diamonds and sperm.”
“All you need for a good night out.”
GM: “One of them missed.”
Player: “How many were attacking me?”
GM: “Eight.”
Alchemist: “I’ve been working on something for this situation.”
Huckster: “Is it dynamite?”
Alchemist: “Sir, it’s BETTER than dynamite!”
Huckster: “Nothing’s better than dynamite.”
“Yay! Still enough to kill me, but yay!”
“Oh god, it’s THIS rule again, isn’t it?”
“I’m rolling it anyway! Let’s see how polite I was to these ants.”
“I’m gonna do Black Lightning.”
“He’s going Darth Jedi on us!”
“Don’t try and drink three ants at once.”
“Manitous make me think of injuns.”
“Racist.”
“That’s what I do – I Medicine people.”
“To death!”
“I’ve been quieter than usual. That’s almost an accomplishment.”
And finally, a dare. After mixing coffee, orange juice and whiskey in-game:
“I’ve invented Dr Pepper a century earlier!”
“I dare you to try that to next session.”
“I don’t drink.”
“I’ll do it!”
Stay tuned for more madness next week! We'll be switching to Changeling: The Dreaming
