You are a clockwork racist!

Because we were one player down and the GM was otherwise engaged too, we decided to try playing a game that was thought up during last week’s Changeling session. Using a simplified version of the 6d6 system, we set out with just one card each: our names. Two players, one GM, and a stack of roleplaying cards. And then … general mayhem? Surely you know what we’re like by now …

Marv was on a quest to find his missing brother - who might or might not be called Gordon, and Bingo was a pirate wannabe cop married to an equally missing stripper of a wife who might or might not have been a Nazi. And both were chased by the maffia. So yeah.

Courtesy of Tuesday 12 July 2011’s first ever game of Detox: The Regrettening adventure at Chimera.

“I’m going to re-phrase that in my mind, because my question was going to be ‘how many d6:es do you need?’ … and it’s called 6d6 …”

GM: “I just shuffled in ‘you’re a clockwork racist’, so …”
Player: “How is that going to work?”

“Bingo and Marv? It’s like Sin City all over again!”

GM: “Make me a roll on climbing out of the bathtub! How are you using your name for it?”

“How do you roll off the end of a bathtub?”
“I don’t know, but I didn’t succeed anyway!”

Player: “I shall open my eyes.”
GM: “Well done, you’ve succeeded at a task! Have a memory card!”
Player: “Yay!”

GM: “There’s a man drowning in the bath. His name’s Marv, if you can trust the voice in your head.”

“Are you Marv?”
“Yes … I think … maybe?”
“Do I need to arrest you?”
“You’re a copper?”

“Do I see any needle holes on me?”
“Feel free to roll a dice to observe!”

“No, I’m not a criminal. I’m alive! I’m a free man! From the prison of my bathtub!”

“Do you remember anything from last night?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t have woken up in a bathtub.”
“Fair point.”

GM: “Is this a hotel room? You’re not sure. I’m beginning to run with this.”

GM: “Stop using no cards and rolling really shit! Now I’ve locked you in the room with a parrot.”

Marv (to a parrot): “Wait, are you Gordon?”
Polly: “Squawk! You can fly a plane! You can fly a plane!”

“You know it says ‘Gordon’s Alive!’ on the card?”

GM: “I’ll allow you to roll some dice or you’re never going to leave this room.”

GM: “Pick a card! Not that one!”

“I’m not sure Polly likes cramped spaces. Voice in the head goes: fook it!”

“ARRR! That’s MY parrot! Savvy?”
“How do you know this isn’t my pet Gordon?”
“Because it’s my Polly!”

“I send Gordon down the shaft.”
“You’re already shafting the parrot?”

“There’s a thump in there and you can hear, ‘you can fl–’ ”
“Gordon? Gordon, alive?!”

“You broke Polly!”

Bingo: “Now I’m going to have to start all over again! Where am I going to find a parrot at this hour?”
Marv: “A pet shop? A zoo?”
Player 1: “A 24 hour pet shop?”
Marv: “Down the shaft, that way?”
Player 2: “I think that was an ex parrot. It has ceased to be.”

Player: “I think you’re done for the evening.”
GM: “Yeah. All I have to do is to watch them communicate in a room about some guy called Gordon. See? This adventure writes itself. Literally!”

“There’s a red button – should I push it or not?”
“…You push it, I’ll wait here!”

“Wait, you have a treasure map and a parrot?”

(looking at a stereotypical treasure map of an island)
“Is it the Isle of Man?”

“ ‘You are a clockwork racist!’ Is what it says on the recording.”

GM: “I have a plot! In my head!”
Player 1: “You have a plot?
Player 2 (gasps): “Nooo. A plot? Surely not!”

“Is it appropriately evil?”

“You turn the computer on, it starts up.”
“...Eventually. Like in the REAL world.”

Marv: “I’m watching funny cat videos for at least two or three minutes.”
Bingo: “Look over his shoulder … and laugh merrily.”
GM: “Roll me some dice about enjoying this!”

Player: “I sense the beginning of a plot.”
GM: “Apparently so. I wouldn’t know!”

“Well, I went to a casino … there was a vault.”
“Are you sure you’re a copper?”
“ ‘Cause like … gambling’s like illegal for a copper.”
“No it isn’t! Gambling is perfectly legal … but trying to break into a casino and steal stuff might not be.”

“You’re a corrupt cop!”
“The evidence is purely circumstantial! In fact, what evidence? You haven’t got any!”
“You have a treasure map!”

“I would have to arrest you for … breaking laws and stuff.”

Bingo: “I married a stripper.”
Marv: “You are the SHIFTIEST. COP. EVER.”

GM: “There’s a guy in the coffin.”
Marv: “Is it Gordon?”
GM: “How would YOU know?!”

“It’s a wallet.”
“I take the wallet.”
“You shady bastard.”

GM: “S is boogie-ing so she gets A CARD! That’s how it WORKS!”

GM: “Part-way through this adventure I had a plot. Now I don’t again.”


“Your wife is a Nazi!”
“What a Nazi surprise!”

Bingo: “Why are you calling my wife a Nazi?”
Marv: “Because she is!”
Player: “There’s some good arguing there.”
Bingo: “How do you know it’s not YOUR wife?”
Marv: “Because I ain’t married!”
Bingo: “How do YOU know?!”
Marv: “Simple! I don’t remember marrying a stripper!”

GM: “The Nazi guy shouts, ‘VIVE LE NOTHING!’ and pulls out a pistol.”

“While you’re waiting, you could just do the happy dance.”
“I was thinking that.”

GM: “You brandish the stick like a true warrior of the gangster Nazi cult that you are … and MISS the Disco King.”

Okay, that might have been funnier to play than it was to read. Anyway. As the game ran only for about an hour to an hour and a half, that left plenty of time for general twaddle. As per usual! Will update this post if I come across anything worth quoting from it. ;)

Back playing Changeling on Tuesday night! While you’re waiting for the next post, you can interact with us on Faebook: S#!t Roleplayers Say.