“I still don’t get it. Is this some kind of pun? You ARE doing a pun, right? I’ve gained a trait called Deafness of Puns, so I can’t hear it, sorry.”
Player 1: “I once knew an Eskimo who lived in the Alamo. It’s a song. It only has two lyrics … it’s a work in progress.”
Player 2 (singing): “I’m the only gay Eskimooo …”
Players 2&3 (singing): “In myyyy triiiiibe!”
“I’m ready to rock’n’roll any day of the week. Except Wednesday.”
Finn: “How much is it?”
Pawnbroker: “I dunno. A fiver?”
Finn: “A FIVER?! I’ve got that!”
“…So I’m in a GOOD mood.”
“Also: you’re a knight now.”
“Yeah, and that puts me in a REALLY good mood.”
“On a scale from one to ten, how Batman are you right now?”
“I’m still only about 4.”
“Okay, only about 4 on the Batman.”
“I’m still more Richie Rich, really.”
“So currently, you are more Robin.”
“Can you meet me somewhere? Help me.”
“Which bar are you in at the minute?”
“I don’t know!”
“Pass me to the guy in front of you who are handing out things to people for money.”
“Is this the car or the limo?”
“The car IS the limo.”
“So you’re travelling subtly, then.”
“I ain’t drinkin’ any more shit from you! Not after the last time.”
“Like an old lady.”
“So when I get there, I punch him.”
“Right, roll initiative, we can’t trust him anymore!”
“You look too much like an old lady for me!”
“The Art of Beating Up Old Ladies by Set an Cúlán.”
“Hey! I’ve been attacked by TWO so far!”
“Don’t take any chances, then.”
“There’s been two for two on me meeting old women and them trying to kill me.”
“No no, the second was fighting herself…”
“But her eventual plan was to turn us into pigs and cook us, right?”
Jack: “I didn’t know his name either, it’s fine.”
Finn: “Do you know ANY of my band’s names?”
Jack: “…I … like the music …?”
Player: “That answer might have saved your life.”
Finn: “It used to be Tag’s.”
Flora: “And who is that?”
Finn: “Okay, you know how the punk girl in front of our band and who sings very well?”
Flora: (gives him a blank look)
Finn: “Fucking hell, these people don’t know me at all!”
Finn: “Right. There are some people in my band. There’s Ronke, who does the drums, then there’s me, who plays guitar, and we got Mick and Dobs. One of them’s a bassist but I can never remember which one. And then there’s Lise. Well, Lise is newer, ‘cause Tag used to sing for us back when we kicked ass.”
“I have Carousing, goddamnit! It should allow me to remember a night out!”
“For some reason, the drug OD thing really hits me. There’s a cannibal witch who lives in the woods is not really …”
“Begin walking, in what might be the right direction.”
“I’ll have two drinks just to make sure I know where I’m going.”
Finn (to Ronke): “Don’t tell the other Troll I can pick locks. I’ve been keeping it from him.”
“I’d say I wish I was there, but he’s not an old woman so I couldn’t beat him up with a clear conscience. This might become a complex, I don’t know.”
(trailer voice) “One day … two dangerous old women … that changed his life forever.”
GM: “Ronke basically just grabs him and pushes him to the floor.”
Player: “That was a quick combat!”
“Listen, all we wanna know is who gave you the necklace. You don’t tell me, I’ll let him do what HE wants, which is smash you in the face repeatedly with the bat you just nearly hit me with!”
Ronke: “Look, we’re not messin’ about!”
Finn: “We really ain’t. – Put the cigarette out on him.”
Pawnbroker: “Aaargh!”
Finn: “I’m not in the mood to fuck about. You’ve had to make sure I’m sober today.”
(On not knowing how DVD players work)
“So wait, it’s got a drawer? I thought it was for keeping coasters on!”
“God damn it, he’s learning from me.”
“Guys, it’s the Case of the Gas Mask Angel Necklace Guitar Killer! I remember it well.”
“It’s a very famous case. All students have to study it.”
“It’s like Jack the Ripper, only with a more eclectic collection of … things.”
“They’re all things you’d find in a Goth club so far.”
“Wait, a gas mask? …I suppose it helps not breathing in Goth.”
“Oh look at that, speciality dice as well!”
“I’m burgling him and beat him up to pay him with instalments.”
“That’s the weirdest night in this dude’s life.”
“What’s he going to tell the police? ‘Two customers came in and beat me up and gave me some money and bought some stuff’!”
“That’s the bit where you faceplant: ‘Where’s Finn got to?’ ”
“I didn’t break any laws … as such.”
Flora: “I’ll touch the wedding ring, ‘cause I’m a lady.”
“This must be an authentic Les Paul copy.”
“Note that I’m viciously, VICIOUSLY repressing how illegal all of this is.”
“I’ll take a note.”
“It’s worth mentioning I don’t like being sober.”
“And the last psychologist we met made me feel like I was dying inside, so I wouldn’t recommend that.”
“Because why would he let me up if he’s a murdering scumbag? Actually, that’s not necessarily … Anyway, I’m going to break in just because I feel like it.”
“Brainalyse the fool!”
“Is the music Dark Side of the Moon? Is The Wizard of Oz playing at the same time?”
“What are you doing in my flat?”
“I’m the Ghost of friggin’ Christmas Past and you’ve done a bad thing!”
Finn: “See this? This is my friend’s friggin’ necklace and you better tell me where you got it or I’m gonna stab you in your bollocks.”
NPC: “I don’t know what you mean!”
Player: “He’s lying in an awfully convenient position.”
“Who are you, the friggin’ good munchkin?!”
“I didn’t even get to do my Intimidate roll!”
“What you’ve bought yourself are some Christmasses of the future. Well done.”
“So rather than black and white, you’ve got more blue and orange morality?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“I’m not a dealer, I’m a party supplier. There’s a difference.”
Player 1: “I want a compass that points to booze. That’s what I want you to make me.”
Player 2: “Well, I actually have a compass and I also have another thing which I still need to investigate. Which I would’ve done, but I’ve not, yet. Because we’ve not done that session part.”
Player 1: “We can call it a Rumpus Compass, and it will point to booze.”
“Okay, try saying THAT once you’ve found the booze!”
“This is my Rumpus. Do you like it? It points to magnetic north.”
“Booze. Does it point to magnetic booze?”
“No, then it gets ruined.”
Flora: “Maybe I have some poisonous herbs.”
GM: “Yeah, undoubtedly.”
Player: “It’s probably easier to point out those that AREN’T poisonous. Nature wants to kill us, basically.”
“Which group are you going with?”
“One of them.”
“Cyanide. But that’s not a herb.”
“Kick the door down. - We’re back! And we have proof!”
Player 1: “I don’t mean a Stamina/Performance check!”
Player 2: “To be fair, though, it does give results.”
Player 3: “Disturbingly often.”
Player 2: “In more ways than one, probably.”
Player 1: “I’ve realised that Finn has eight dice in it.”
Player 2: “Yeah, but you never roll for it. Or pay for it.”
Player 1: “With eight dice you don’t need to.”
“To be fair, if you’re rolling to see whether she had a good time, you’re taking it too seriously.”
Player 1: “That’s not what you get taught in History. In History, you get taught about totalitarianism and native Americans.”
Player 2: “And how the Romans made toilets. Whatever you do in History, one of the things that crop up is how a particular society disposes of its waste.”
Player 3: “We learned about Vikings.”
Player 1: “Yeah, but that’s because you’re foreign.”
“So, what did the seductress find out, then?”
“Don’t cross the streams! That’s a rule in ALL walks of life.”
“Are you joining us this evening?”
“I don’t know.”
“Because you seem to be spending a lot of the time off-shot.”
“I’m information-gathering!”
“Of course, you’re gathering rumpy-pumpy information.”
“Just because my type contains more … less abusive manners, does not mean it’s less important!”
“It means that we can officially wear Judge Dredd uniforms now.”
“Stop it! There are enough bad puns that can come off this!”
“The more you press, the more’ll come out.”
“That’s what SHE said!”
“You look like you’re ready to jack up. ‘Will it go away, will it go away?’”
“We killed the GM.”
“Are we on about Set or you?”
“I wish it was alien to me.”
“Have you seen X-Men: First Class?”
“Yes.”
“Remember Emma Frost? THAT’S how you do 19 hours!”
Finn: “You’re all sticky.”
Alysiana: “I had a shower recently. I’m still wet.”
Jack (oblivious): “You smell like Finn’s room.”
“I’m wondering whether it was double vision ‘cause of my drunkenness.”
“So you’re saying all Trolls look alike?”
“Blue?”
“Have you not looked in a mirror? Have you not noticed you’re blue?”
Finn: “It’s like calling me a goat – I’m fine with it.”
Jack: “Well, you DO eat anything.”
“Ronke’s not a big drinker. Well, he’s big and he’s a drinker.”
“I have amnesia! I’m allowed to forget my character’s name!”
“We’re not dark, we’re just slightly twisted.”
“The idea of My Little Ponies during World War II is just the tip of the iceberg.”
“Is that Game of Thrones? Burn us one, you know you want to. You might get your book back then!”
Normal roleplay should resume again next week. See you then!
