Wednesday, 10 August 2011

If you need to ask what your own vomit’s Realm is, you’re playing the wrong game

Did we finish the adventure? Does Set never see cause to facepalm? We were hot on the heels of the woman who killed Tag, and we also took her unconscious accomplice hostage. And spoke to the Count again, yay! And were attacked by some weird shadow thingy which made Set and Finn very, very ill indeed.

Courtesy of Tuesday 9 August 2011’s 2nd Edition Changeling: The Dreaming adventure at Chimera.


“Eating wasabi peanuts is like licking a spicy ash tray.”

“I’m just licking my spicy ash tray.”
“That sounds like a euphemism. But for what?”

Player: “Were you expecting a serious session?”
GM: “Nooooooo. Not with you lot!”

“I really need to get drunk. I can’t navigate stairs sober.”

“We had a three-hour argument about this because we were nowhere near Wikipedia.”

“Stairs are Steps re-formed.”
“They’re actually reforming, for a TV show.”
“I choose not to hear that.”

“I feel like Darth Sidious here and he’s my Anakin Skywalker.”

(Sirens are heard outside)
“The riots have started in Beeston.”
“Defend Chimera!”
“To Helm’s Deep!”

“Chimera Bring a Sword Night. Has nothing to do with the riots, honest.”

“In most sessions, this would be disruptive; but for us, this is pretty much how every session goes.”

“I’m not a big fan of Quantum Leap.”
“LEAVE THE TABLE NOW!!”

“GM’s descriptive – this is the right room.”

Player: “It’s a YOUNG woman, not an OLD woman.”
Set: “It’s a young woman. I’m branching out.”

“She had several generations of pigs.”
“She viewed the pigs as her children. Her edible children.”

GM: “You feel ill. Tremendously ill.”
Finn: “I’m so gonna snort it.”

“Effie is a ferret. Or a weasel. Either way, it’s a rodent and it wants what’s in my pants!”

“Finn’s from Ireland … and sometimes India, when my accent gets pushed too far.”

“Is there a fan in the room?”
“Well, you quite like her.”

“All fog is Bob Geldof.”
“And his children.”
“And his children’s children.”

“On the plus side, there’s gonna be a nightmare shadow covered in barf next turn.”

“Write to White Wolf and ask.”
“The reply is just gonna be, ‘if you need to ask what your own vomit’s Realm is, you’re playing the wrong game’.”

“I’m not going to vomit. I’m gonna do something WAY more Batman.”

“It used the power of love, to its extreme dominating form.”

“No one wants a D4 in their ring.”

“My D4 is too big.”

“Was Effie part of a Victorian street gang?”

“I think we need to perform a Rhapsody on the GM.”

“If you mix Effie with iron, he becomes ferrous.”

“Can I hit him from here with projectile water?”

“Be quiet there, Vomitus Maximus!”

“I’m hoping for some daredevil dice here, I really am.”

“Anything alive would leave his vomit as soon as it can. It’s dead.”

“When did you go from the Artful Dodger to Gollum?”

Player 1: “I bought her The Dark Crystal on DVD.”
Player 2: “And then I fell asleep.”
Player 3: “WHAT?! SACRILEGE!”

“Three rounds ago, it delivered something from Oliver! the musical – I think it’s progressing.”

“You’re surprised at the coherentness of that attack, aren’t you?”

“Cigarettes are well-known for casting huge balls of light.”
“They will be by the time I’ve used my spell next round!”

“You’re a sexologist.”
“No, it’s called ‘horny’.”
“…I thought you were gonna say ‘whore’.”

“So once again, we’ve wandered into Silent Hill.”

“Then you’ve got something to think about when we see Jane Eyre in a month.”
“What, Vin Diesel’s in it?”

“A screaming woman! I must run and save her and then take her back to my place and play Barry White at her.”

“That was an unfortunate period in the Doctor’s life; when he had KKK9. Didn’t do so well with alien races.”
“That’s why he liked to say ‘mistress’.”
“‘Yes, master race’.”

“It tastes bloody awful, but a lot of Flora’s stuff does. It’s just that this one doesn’t help you.”

“Not with your Sunday Medicine, which you learned from watching Quincy.”
“AND Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman!”

“Watching Diagnosis: Murder does not give you the skills to do brain surgery!”

“Knocker CSI: half the script is just swearing.”

“Gives it to the Knockers. PAIR of Knockers … It had to be said.”

“Somebody call an ambulance! Set’s gone musical.”

“Tell me one thing: is the virus a part of the Sinestro Corps?”

“Cue Knocker CSI moment!”

“That didn’t help! Now my sickness AND me want to kill you!”

“I’m in some kind of delirium state. I currently think you’re a penguin.”

“Why don’t you try trepanning me while you’re at it?!”
“No, that’ll come later.”

Set: “Finn, you have imaginary cancer.”
Finn: “I’m gonna go and drink some until it goes away.”

Finn: “She’s got a different disease. It’s called ‘nymph’ and ends with ‘omaniac’.”
Alysiana: “I’m gonna cut your hand off. BOTH your hands.”

“I think we’re getting delirious enough to see the fourth wall. You might want to hurry it along a bit.”

“That’s another tick for the ‘no’ pile.”

“I’m trying to play trance music!”
“On a harpsichord … while on cocaine …”

“I can’t sleep and now someone’s outside raping an accordion. Let this day end!”

Set (to his reflection): “I point out the window and say, ‘you’re perpetuating stereotypes about trolls’!”

“I’m practicing acrobatics in the main hall.”
“I’d pay to see that.”

“Snorting glamour.”
“Has anybody ever tried that?”

“So what you’re saying is that I’m not Mengele; I’m just the other Nazi scientists.”
“Yes, you’re not just pointlessly sadistic.”

“I’ll trade medicine for drugs!”
“I don’t need drugs. LIFE is my drug.”
“That’s cool. Wrong … but cool.”

“I think we should see if this disease spreads through intercourse!”

Finn: “Alysiana really wants me.”
Flora: “She has a funny way of showing it.”
Finn: “All women are like that.”
Jack: “You say to the woman.”
Finn (to Flora): “Not you.”

“I think they’re trying the STD thing without me!”

“Have you healed them?”
“Injured them? Yes. Healed them? No.”

“We have learned an important lesson: never let roleplayers roleplay being sick.”
“No, never let YOU TWO roleplay being sick!”
“They roleplay being ILL. Sick is normal for them.”

“You could always pretend to be psychic.”
“No that would never work. That’s not even funny.”

“Are you Stephen Hawking?”
“No. No, I’m a … DALEK!”

“Just do it slowly.”
“Okay, I’ll do it really slowly.”
“…Oh for that to be taken out of context …!”

“If he’s a supernatural creature, did a couple of hot guys drive up in a car and shoot it?”

“You were destroyed by your own hubris!”
“Like the Tower of Babel, except with dice.”

Player 1: “Bunnies aren’t as cute as everybody supposes.”
Player 2: “They’ve got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.”
Player 1: “And what’s with all the carrots?”
Player 3: “What do they need such good eye-sight for anyway?”
Player 4: “I think I’ve missed something here.”

“Are we at Saddam Hussein evil or Peewee Herman evil?”
“Mahatma Manson.”

“I’ve returned to the scene of the cr… actually, no, I never left.”

“Did you know you can smoke a Twix?”

“I’ve not taken permanent damage.”
“But your lungs now taste of chocolate and is a delicacy in some cultures.”

(to Jack)
“So you look like a 4 foot Aragorn with clown make-up.”
“You look like a boy whore!”

“Ronk has a sword too; he can join your boy whore club.”

“We might be shit at most things, but breaking and entering, we kick ass at.”

Finn: “We’re comrades in arms!”
Set: “I arrest him every now and then.”
Finn: “And gets me a nice cell!”

“Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”
“I think so, S; but where are we going to find a couple of rubber chickens and a pulley at this time of night?”

“Big, bearded man?”
“Hagrid?”
“I hope not. I have a feeling Hagrid could rip us in twain.”

“Why do I launch on those two words like a cat on catnip?”

Hagrid: “You’re a mage, Milkaris!”
Milkaris: “I know! Stop telling me that!”

Flora: “What’s your name?”
NPC: “Michael. You can call me Mike.”
Flora (whispers): “Michael? Sounds an awful lot like Milkaris, doesn’t it?”
Finn (whispers): “I wasn’t aware we could do stage whispers at the audience!”

We might finish next week! Or we might not! We didn't do very well this week! But hey, while you’re waiting for the next post, you can interact with us on Faebook: S#!t Roleplayers Say. We've done a poll there and everything.

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