Courtesy of Tuesday 23 August 2011's 1st Edition Deadlands adventure at Chimera.
“I’ve made a dice man.”
“Again?”
“No, last time, it was with Skittles. Look, he has a D12 for a head.”
“When you need to get the D4 out, then you know shit’s already hit the fan.”
“You just wanted an excuse to use the word ‘dichotomy’.”
“If you die in Manchester, you die in real life.”
“I think if you die in Manchester, people wonder why the hell you were there in the first place.”
Player 1: “If Yoda turned to the Dark Side, he’d make Darth Sidious look like Gargamel.”
Player 2: “I need more description.”
Player 1: “You’ve never watched the Smurfs then.”
Player 2: “I still need more description.”
Player 3: “You mean he’d have a big nose and a bald patch?”
“An Ewok is just a midget Wookie.”
“WHAT?! NO! NO, THEY ARE NOT!!”
“I KNEW that would set you off.”
GM: “I shall talk to you within earshot of the rest of the party, so that they can metagame if they want.”
“Flush after flush. I hear it in my dreams.”
“Is that a pipe dream?”
“It’s not safe to talk. The walls have ears, and … gah, I want to say something else there, but I can’t think of something. The walls have ears and … and the hills have eyes! There! I feel much better now.”
“They’ve installed peep-holes everywhere. Nowhere’s safe.”
“Even in the bath?”
“ESPECIALLY in the bath.”
“The word ‘hypothesise’ has turned out wonderful in this accent.”
“With Slick, you don’t often look at his eyes – you look at his mouth, wondering when it will ever stop.”
“That’s the most disturbing thing I’ve seen since I camped with those Cajuns.”
Reynard: “I’m a guy who habitually uses dynamite, even when it’s not warranted.”
“It’s not stealing. He’s dead.”
“Okay, looting.”
“Either my grandpappy was more involved with Manitous than I thought, or his eyebrows really DID have souls that he callously murdered.”
GM: “You still haven’t had an in-character conversation to find out that you are in fact on an island and there is no train station, but carry on.”
“If there’s any trouble, we’ll call the Angels.”
“Is that guy’s name Charlie?”
(guy at next table starts singing) “Jayne! The man they call … oh.” (stops singing, as no one has joined in)
“Can you make explosives? You’d be my new best friend.”
“Professor Plum in the library with the Kalahsnikov.”
“It’s not murder, it’s a legitimate military target.”
“Miss Scarlet with the machine gun in the library. And the kitchen. And hallway.”
“When Clive Barker starts calling you sick, you KNOW …”
“So this device, is it a gizmo?”
“No, it’s a doohicky.”
“Oh, right.”
Sam: “The thingymabob will counteract the wiggly-woggly of the doodad to hide the whatchamacallit from them people, ya understand?”
“Did K just say something was fine?”
“Yes.”
“What’s gone wrong?”
“Now I have to figure out how to voice act snoring in a southern accent.”
“I’ve slept with Cajuns. I’ve woken up with worse. …When I say ‘slept with’, I didn’t mean…”
(What’s the plural of crucifix?)
Player 1: “Crucifixes? Crucifi?”
Player 2: “Crucifixes is right.”
GM: “No, the plural is ‘abominations’.”
“I am not amused.”
“I know!”
“You’re trying to knock down a mountain with a toothpick. It’s not going to work!”
“So you’re arguing that the Harry Potter books are bad because the villains are cool?”
“Harry Potter sounds like the Boy Who Cried Wolf with magic.”
“Harry Potter is a gateway to reading.”
“It’s a gateway to hell.”
“It’s a gateway to YOUR MUM.”
“What about True Blood?”
“It’s thinly veiled pornography.”
“There’s nothing thinly veiled about it!”
“It’s too cool for censorship – let’s turn it up to Fahrenheit 451!”
“He’s gone insane, kill him.”
“You’ve only met four people. Two of which are now dead.”
“Well, at least they weren’t old women.”
“Has there been an Eclipse Phase session where your character HASN’T died?”
“This is my child cudgel. I made it out of three children strapped together. I use it to hit old women.”
“And your new axe is called ‘Granny Slayer’.”
“TALK with Grimme? That’s like Frodo trying to talk calmly with Sauron.”
“None of that rings any bells with me. The only thing I remember about Arabs is them being sexually interfered with.”
“…And they wonder why there are no women in roleplaying.”
“Hey! What about me?”
“ALMOST no women. Only the bravest dare joining in.”
Player: “We’ve now done two paragraphs of the plot and 68 pages of the quote log.”
GM: “I’ve left the page open for all to see accidental clues.”
“It’s like the end of every 80s cartoon, where everyone laughs merrily.”
“When in doubt, Oust.”
“Smash the bottle, slumber gas erupts. Sleepy time.”
“The Grimme Memorial Hospital sounds grim.”
“Ha, ha, ha. Die. That’s MY turf you’re walking on.”
“No one really wants to live past tomorrow, do they?”
GM: “If you die during this adventure …”
Player: “If?”
“We did virtually naff all this session, but it was great fun.”
“Isn’t that what we do every session?”
“Try Hex Sense on the code you’re having issues with. I’ve found it to be a very reliable spell.”
“But that would give the answer straight away.”
“ ‘Black magic is affecting the server’?”
Where to next? Certain death, quite probably. Share your obituaries of the PCs with us on Faebook! At least both Lucky Reynard and Mary Murphy have managed to live through a whole year now. Our first ever session of Deadlands begun 18 August 2011, when we went after ... a lady who didn't look very old but was ancient and YES she was EVIL and tried to kill us, but we killed her first.
