Saturday, 17 September 2011

Yes, the inside of a demon looks like an Aero bar

Everyone present and accounted for, finally. Slick wasn't killed after all - he just passed out after smelling the rest of us. Then we were off to Grimme's Cathedral to fight a murder of demons. (Demons don't "flock" or "gaggle", they "murder", obviously.) The map the GM drew was a little ... special, but somehow we managed to live to tell the tale. This is it.

Courtesy of Tuesday 13 September 2011's 1st Edition Deadlands adventure at Chimera.


(Watching the two current GMs having a lengthy discussion about web programming)
Player 1 (apologetically): “I’m afraid they’re nerding out again.”
Player 2: “All I hear is technobabble, jargon, blah blah blah.”
Player 3: “That’s more than I get. I just get (white noise).”

“You know it’s bad when you out-geek the geeks.”

“Do you think they realise we’re still here?”
“No.”

“Got you a job, though. Not the one you wanted, but …”

“That’s unsettlin’ but explains why the meat was so cheap.”

(Hearing next table talking about taking out octogenarians)
“THEY’RE killing old people TOO? What’s happened to this shop?”

“There are a lot of reasons why you might eat a person and we shouldn’t judge them.”

“If we don’t catch dysentery after this, it’s a miracle.”

“There’s a glitch: if he doesn’t like it, he kills me.”

“Let’s go kill those people-eatin’ people sons of a … D4!”

(The table discover two people have brought booze-filled chocolate for the night)
“To alcohol in many forms!”

“So basically, we’re having alcohol here but in a really sneaky way.”

Reynard: “We seem to be swimming in supernaturality here.”
Gunney: “Well, you know what I say about the supernatural?”
Reynard: “ ‘Shoot it’?”

“Can we just get to the church and kill everyone?”
“No, we must have the dramatic build-up first.”

GM (getting fed up): “Unfortunately, you’ve missed the party and the end of the world has started.”

“Keep it down with the Jesus bollocks, I’m trying to do something here!”

(Stumbling around blindly, until …)
Slick: “I forgot to do something inherent to my character! I turn Darkvision OFF!”
GM: “You can see again.”

“Other characters might die before they do that.”
“Me! I’m one of those!”

“Hail Mary, Judas and all that.”

“We get killed by a demon, Sam gets killed by his own contraption.”

“Actually, can I change my bet from his testicles to the hand that holds the gun?”

(While listening to a demon’s monologue)
“Not much of a sales pitch, is it?”

“I can’t believe we’re slowing down due to a lack of knowledge of religious iconography.”

Player (to GM): “Can you tell me what I CAN kill?”

“Holy crap, we’ve got a four-colour map!”
“We’re breaking new ground in cartography.”

“This is a great map, but who can I attack?”

“Does the demon look like that?”
“No, that’s the demon’s handsome cousin Jim.”

“K’s stuck in a programming loop.”
“NO! Don’t get them started again!”

(After spending 20 minutes debating a very minor detail)
“Good to know we’ve now got that detail sorted. I will sleep much easier now.”

“Yes, the inside of a demon looks like an Aero bar.”

“Don’t get depressed that you didn’t blow up any choir boys.”

“Must prevent very large powergaming brain from breaking the game!”

“We need a bar in here, because I need a drink.”
“So do I.”

“I’m gonna go join another group for a bit. Let me know when it’s my go, will you?”

“Last we were in a butcher’s shop freaking out and now we’re fighting demons like it’s Wednesday.”

“Can we have a name for the demon?”
“Darren! Darren the Mighty!”

“Guys, I’m entering a state of despair again.”

“The small demons are about two feet.”
“Awww! Little baby demons!”

“Quickness, B?”
“Nah, I’m alright.”

“If you make another card-pun like that …”
“I’ll have to deal with it.”

“That would be the way to go. Throwing up until your friend kills you with Soulburst.”

“A burst of spirituality causes wind damage … there’s a pun in there somewhere.”

Slick: “Why isn’t Greed going after me?”
GM: “Because Reynard’s in the way.”

“Are you complaining that you have to move to dodge? REALLY?”

“It seems to converge around the Aero-like viscosity.”
“Aeroes are viscous?”
“Mmmmm, Aero.”

“What’s your Dodge skill?”
“I don’t have one.”
“I wouldn’t bother wasting it.”

GM: “What makes you think this is the last combat?”
Player: “The demon?”

GM: “Your head is inside the demon’s chest cavity.”
Player: “Clive Barker would’ve been proud of that description.”

“We burst through another taste barrier.”
“I didn’t think there were any left!”

“It’s turned into the London riots! What’s going on?”
“Demons!”
“Oh yeah.”

“I’m shooting it because it’s trying to eat my friend!”
“I qualify as a friend?”
“Loosely.”

“You don’t need to make the roll, we already know he’s shilled.”

“This is the Empire part of the trilogy, dude. Chill. As long as there are no Ewoks in the third part, we’ll be all right.”

“I ain’t signed no contract.”
“Okay, you don’t get paid.”

“Pete’s gonna go and get stoned?”

GM: “Maybe if you had a dynamite launcher.”
Reynard (to Sam): “Why have you not built us a dynamite launcher?!”

“Wait, have I gone four paradoxes ahead now?”
“No, only two.”

“ ‘Internet Centre’? They still have those?”
“In poor areas, yes.”

GM: “What do you make of your prospects for the next adventure?”
Player: “AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!”
GM: “Yeah, that sums it up pretty well.”

Against all odds, we're all still alive for part three of this adventure, which will start on Tuesday. We'll see what happens. Meanwhile, we're looking for a new name for this blog. Any suggestions?

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