Courtesy of Tuesday 30 August 2011's 1st Edition Deadlands adventure at Chimera.
“If Chuck Norris, Conan and Steven Segal got together and had an incestuous relation and had a baby, it would use a typewriter because it would be a REAL man baby.”
“Chuck Norris doesn’t need to use a typewriter to type. He just looks at the keys and the words jump on the page out of terror.”
Player: “Half the people we’ve met have tried to kill us.”
GM: “You’re an optimist. I like that about you.”
“Guys, I’ve found a clue, it’s written on this red herring.”
“Met the Tremandayne gang. Dynamited the Tremandayne gang. Tortured Walter Hotiron …”
“Ahh, those were the days.”
“Ninja gig? It sounds like a very uncultured ninja. He doesn’t have contracts, he has GIGS, man.”
GM: “Would you like me to reintroduce a clue for you?”
Player: “For the love of God, yes!”
“I’m gonna spend time repairing the ninja gig.”
“And not a rock gig.”
“Why is this even a topic of conversation?”
“YOU brought it up.”
“Can you eat a donut and a fruit pastille without licking your lips? Or chewing the fruit pastille? Without choking.”
“That’s the most difficult part, not choking.”
“He didn’t die of the torture, so we’re morally slightly better off.”
Slick: “So that’s 17 on hawking my coloured water.”
“Pottering jokes? Have we really sunk that low?”
Slick: “I think you’ll find I got an A in Potions.”
Player: “Actually, you mean an O, for Outstanding. An A isn’t that good a grade at Hogwarts.”
(The till in the shop turned out to believe it was 22 October 2032)
“The shopkeeper's from the future!”
“No, he’s from the past and doesn’t know how to fix the till.”
Reynard: “I’m possessed by a Manitou.”
Mary: “Again.”
“Look, I have a pocket crocodile.”
“Is that a euphemism?”
“I don’t think we need Persuasion. We could just push him slightly.”
“Does he go by any alleyways? He does now!”
Player 1: “We can just lead him there.”
Player 2: “To where?”
Player 3: “To HELL!”
Player 1: “Or to the vicinity of Sam Harrison, that’ll do.”
“He’s thrown up over your shoes.”
“Right, that does it. The violent option it is. – Lead him into an alleyway and duff him up.”
“The unconscious guy slash nearly dead guy …”
GM: “They bring a dead body into the room.”
Player: “Of corpse.”
“Any more clues you want me to kill?”
Sam: “I’m surrounded by a bunch of cowboys!”
Slick (breathless): “Sam, you’re breaking the fourth wall!”
“I have a sudden urge to drown my sorrows. This morning has not worked out well for us.”
“Can I use Penny for Your Thoughts on myself?”
Player (pretending to be GM): “Damn, they’re even more incompetent than I thought. How am I going to get the plot back on track?”
“Have we found one single building in this adventure that ISN’T dingy?”
“Yes. And then we had to run for our lives.”
“Teenagers weren’t invented in the 1880s. They were either children or adults.”
“Okay, it’s a middle-aged kid.”
“28.”
“Get bent!”
Player: “If only he hadn’t tried to resist.”
GM (exasperated): “He wasn’t TRYING to resist!”
“Howdy, sack-seller! Got me a dead body to dispose of. Got any suitable sacks?”
“You have an interesting definition of accident.”
“No jokers this time.”
“No hand either.”
“These are the cards GM gave me. I knew they were jinxed.”
“A potato sack with a dead body in it is a pre-CSI body bag.”
“No, YOU kill ‘em, YOU bag ‘em up!”
“Oh come on, it can’t get any worse, he’s already dead.”
“You CRASH into the CATHEDRAL with a DEAD BODY.”
“Shh, don’t spoil this for me.”
(How we’re going to explain all this to Gunney when he wakes up)
“What happened was …”
“We found a clue and we killed it!”
“Until then, murder everything that leads to plot progression; it’s the enemy.”
“This letter is for you.”
“Burn it, it might be a clue!”
“LARPing paper is very important.”
“Of all the names you could choose, you chose ‘Pete’?”
“This is going to be like a RomCom, isn’t it?”
“We’re involved with the Wild West Doctor Doom, aren’t we? And he’s called Pete.”
“People need to stop offering Slick money to do stuff.”
“I don’t betray my friends.”
“You do it on a near constant basis.”
GM (giving out Bounty Points): “Win the bar fight … technically, yes; 3 points. Keep Sneed alive … no.”
“Mr. Earp, you can’t enter your own lookalike contest.”
“I haven’t had a session without killing anyone yet.”
Can't help but wonder what Gunney's going to say to all of this when he wakes up ... Suggestions welcome on our Faebook page. But hey, no octogenarians were harmed during this session. We must be losing our touch ...
