Friday, 21 October 2011

We are lumberjacks and we're OK taking the hobbits to Isengard

Surprisingly unscathed from having swallowed a Manitou last session, Slick decided it would be good from a scientific point of view to start taking note of what happens. Mary kindly agreed when she realised it could prove very profitable for her career as a dime novelist, but probably regretted it when Slick made people-sandwiches and started bottling locks of her hair.

Gunney was with us in spirit, as his player couldn't make it, and spent most of the time being tied up in Sam's wagon ("for his own good", allegedly), while Sam continued working on his steam-powered Gatling gun. Lucky seemed to be having a drinking contest with Jackie, when he wasn't busy driving Sam's steam wagon and accidentally pushing the booster rockets button. Again.

Finally, we made it close to where the Devil's Tower is situated, but to get there, we'd have to ford a river. We could go around it, but it would take too long, and we'd need the wagons, so couldn't just walk across it. So the party turned to lumberjacking for a bit, making ourselves a bridge. Having crossed said river on said bridge and started scouting for the entrance Jackie told us about, we now have the Battle of Devil's Tower to look forward to. And possibly dwarves, although they did look more Chinese than Middle Earthy.

Courtesy of Tuesday 18 October 2011's 1st Edition Deadlands adventure at Chimera. Two posts in the same week! Oh we do spoil you. Well, the last post technically went out on Monday, it was just back-dated by about 24 hours. So there.


GM: “You’re feeling perfectly normal. How paranoid does that make you feel?”

Player 1: “What does Manitou taste like?”
Player 2: “Yes, what DOES Manitou taste like?”
GM: “Fiery, burny death.”

“As you have seen, my design skills are God-like: mysterious.”

Sam (to Slick): “I won’t save your life if they come for you, sonny. In fact, I’ll shoot you in the legs and come for you first.”

“That’s a river? I thought it was a mountain. Maybe this should be given to someone who can actually read a map.”

Slick: “You should take notes. I could explode into a demon at any moment! Think of what it could do for medicine!”
Mary: “And the novels it could sell.”
Slick: “It’s the beginning of a beautiful opportunity!”
(They shake hands)

“The worst thing about you having a Manitou inside you for all them years was you having a bad cough? Doesn’t sound too dangerous to me.”

“If I start rapin’ and ravaging, I want you to put a bullet between my eyes. But ONLY if I do that.”

“I’ll take all the bottles marked with this symbol, because they’re more likely to explode. You take the rest.”
“Sounds like a plan to me!”

(After he rolled low on Tinkerin’ and Mary rolled a 22)
Sam: “Thank God for women!”

“Time for a Chemistry roll for our supper.”

“If it smells nice, I’m gonna eat it. But I’ll shoot you if it’s people.”

Slick (casually): “Has something happened?”
Mary (shocked): “You were over THERE a minute ago!”
Slick (excited): “Make a note!”
Mary: “I certainly shall!”

GM: “Have you slept?”
Sam: “No!! Coffee is a good work motivator.”

Reynard: “Why don’t you sleep in the wagon? Me and Gunney can drive it. Nothing bad happened last time.”

Reynard: “Can you do handbrake turns in these things?”
Sam: “No. Go in a straight line until you see water. Then you stop.”

Mary: “I get bruised.”
Player: “Bruised? You go head first into an Alchemy table more like.”

“You’re fine. Not even needing a potion … Hit your head a bit more next time!”

Slick (to Mary): “This is a lock of your hair. I might have taken it while I was checking you over. It’s one of those weird supernatural effects – take a note!”

Sam: “You two work on making sure the wagon doesn’t snap in two. I’M going to SLEEP!”

Slick: “Can you hand me the potion?”
Jackie: “No.”
Slick: “You’re in the wagon, it’s right next to you!”
Jackie: “Steps out of the wagon: Not anymore.”

“Are flames meant to be coming out of it like that? Why’s it flying?”

“Try to find the local A&E?”
“It’s in the back wagon.”

Slick: “As an Alchemist, I’m completely unused to having strange fires in my wagon. I get the fire blanket.”

(After bandaging Slick’s head, like he had done hers earlier)
Mary: “Oh look, we’re matching.”

Jackie: “Why haven’t any of the other people you travel with shot you yet?”

Jackie: “You’re missing an axe or chainsaw … or a saw.”
Sam: “Dynamite will do.”

Slick: “Don’t you have any scrap metal at hand?”
Sam: “No metal is scrap!”
Reynard: “We’re all gonna die soon anyway.”

GM: “If you do that, you get a sandblaster. It would be a very clean tree.”

“Stand aside; I think we need some brute force and ignorance here.”

“We’re being defeated by trees! The concept of woodcutting escapes us.”

Player 1: “The question we really need to ask ourselves is: do we really want to walk a mile with Gunney?”
(Pause)
Player 2: “Cutting down trees it is.”

“I think he’s over-reacting slightly.”
“He always does.”

Sam (singing): “Chi-chi-chi-chisel, chisel away down the tree …”

GM: “She’s mostly been sharing the bourbon with Reynard.”
Sam: “I see; you’re trying to pull the woman with beer!”
Slick: “Whiskey.”
Sam: “Same thing!”
Reynard: “That’s a criminal offense in some countries.”

“Do I get any brownie points for helping out the team?”
“Yeah. You don’t die today.”

“Get anything valuable off the wagons! I get the guns off. Oh … And Gunney.”

“See? Intelligent design!”
“So you ARE a man of God after all.”

Sam (to Mary): “Are you helping?”
Slick: “No, she’s a lady.”

Sam: “All this science isn’t evil.”
Jackie: “I didn’t say that. I said cavorting with demons is evil.”
Sam: “No demons built this bridge.”
Slick: “Except for the one inside me, which is coming across the river with me.”

“…With Gunney tied up in the wagon.”
“WELL, now …!”

Player 1: “We are the worst bunch of people going on this epic quest.”
Player 2: “Absolutely.”
Player 1: “We’re a bunch of Gimlis in Legolas land.”
Player 3: “Actually, we’re more like a bunch of Legolases in Gimli land. Because we’re kinda frail.”

“You’re gonna have to make a Bluff check on the GM first.”

“I try not to judge. I have a demon inside me.”

“Sam has his ways with Gunney.”
“Viciously and with the intention to hurt.”
“Well, there WERE ropes involved …”

GM: “Who’s driving?”
Player 1: “Lucky’s doing okay.”
Player 2: “No, he’s not!”

GM: “As you come closer, it seems to have a green kind of look to it.”
Player 1: “Like the innards of a demon kinda green?”
Player 2: “The innards of an Aero kinda green?”

“In future terms, we’re packin’ heat.”

Sam: “Working on this gun is driving me insane. No it’s not. Yes it is. No it isn’t. Yes it is. Shut up!!”
Slick: “…And you worry about ME.”

“Yay, bard abuse!”

Sam: “Here, we have (long list of weapons and explosives).”
Mary: “Marry me.”

“So it’s taken us two months to get to the mountain. Let’s keep that in mind.”
“We’re not Munchkiny XP hounds enough.”

“Open the sandwich. It’s not a phrase I want to use often.”

Slick: “Curious things this makes me do. – Mary, take a note.”

“All my efforts to stop you eating people are continuously thwarted by me, feeding you people. I must be running out by now. How many people did I buy?”

“Cannibalism is now a cornerstone of your religion.”

“Why are we doing this?”
“Because it’s going to look AMAZING.”

GM: “What’s your plan now?”
Player: “Surviving.”

Player 1: “Mr. GM, when we get to the main entrance of the mountain, is it kind of bricked up, with dwarves and a hobbit on guard?”
GM: “No, they’re taking the hobbits to Isengard.”
Player 2: “To Isengard?”
GM: “To Isengard.”

GM: “You’re the party; it’s up to you to herd your cats.”

“I was doing so well on my reputation and then I started feeding people to people.”

“There are two people on guard.”
“Are they really small and one of them is a hobbit?”

Player 1: “Is it okay to kill Chinamen?”
Player 2: “Only if they’re eaten.”
Player 3: “Yeah, but then you’ll be hungry again half an hour later.”

On a side note, we've now used up the whole of the green notepad (in which these quotes are written down), and have a brand new hardbacked, black one to crack on with next week. It doesn't come with a handy, plastic pouch, though, so the SILLY sign needs re-homing. On the other hand, it does say "LOL!" on the front in big, friendly, orange letters.

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