Sunday, 19 February 2012

Because stereotyping Japan is FUNNY

Umm yeah, so totally forgot to mention that last session was character gen of Deathwatch and didn't get funnier than:

"When I said 'do Valentinesy things before Blood for the Blood God', I didn't mean 'imagine Dr. Doom on Chat Roulette'."

and

"There's a MASSIVE difference between being AFRAID of the colour yellow and getting TURNED ON by the colour yellow."

and that doesn't go very far. We do, however, have a few previously unreleased quotes kicking about, which we were saving for a rainy day, and that might as well be right now. So, from 14 June 2011's Changeling: The Dreaming roleplaying session at Chimera, we give you Pantry: The Carnage:


(Discussing male pig genitalia and then also mentioning cat anatomy)
”Let’s not go there!”

Player 1: “I think we’re breaking decency laws. We’ll be sent to a penile colony.”
Player 2: “I’m immune ‘cos I’m a Cockney.”
Player 3: “I’ve swallowed the Pun Immunity card just to make sure it’s on me all the time.”

Player 1: “If we keep going, he’ll get the puns out of his system.”
Player 2: “We’ve been here for several hours already.”
Player 3: “Have you EVER known me run out of puns?!”

“I inspire groans! …That could actually WORK! My next character will be a Changeling who does just that. It’ll be the most powerful Changeling EVER!”

“I’ve seen worse catches than that. I know, I’ve made them myself.”

“I’m going to do something suggestive with this bottle.” (goes down on it)

“Pigs don’t have tiny cocks, they’re just swirly!”

“I’m not going to watch the new Transformers when it comes out either.”
“Yeah, but that’s because the first two were rubbish.” (gets glared at) “Okay, the first one was okay.”

“Which War of the Worlds? Oh, you mean the one in 2004 that DIDN’T HAPPEN.”

Player 1: “Imagine, if you will, if Doctor Octopus was first invented in Japan.”
(The party imagines this)
Player 2: “He wouldn’t have hands on the end of them …”

“Because stereotyping Japan is FUNNY.”

“For God’s sake, the Japanese invented karaoke!”
“ ‘They’re nuts’, is what you’re trying to say.”

“Blog after dark! This is the post watershed blog.”

“Why would Alysiana give a rat’s arse where you’ve gone?”
“Because you want to play! Otherwise you might as well just go home!”

(Reasons for why Alysiana should give a rat’s arse)
“We might disappear like Hugo, and the Count would only have you to punish.”

“B is more persuasive than B.”
“Wait, what?”

Alysiana: “I will eventually show up. It’s just when the appropriate time to show up is appropriate.”

Player 1: “And this has been told in a phone video call, through the medium of interpretative dance!”
Player 2: “You’re just waving at the phone. ‘Shut up, Oy’m doin’ it roight!’ ”
Player 3: “With someone singing Greased Lightning in the background.”

“I’ll tell you through the medium of semaphore!”

“Someday I’m going to have a character who’s only language is semaphore.”
“Not in my game, you won’t.”

Player: “In the garden, isn’t there still an old woman handcuffed to a tree?”
GM: “Yes.”
Player: “Good.”

(After discovering a ham made from Changeling boiling on the stove)
Finn: “Something’s wrong with me because I’m still hungry. I haven’t eaten today.”
Jack: “Yes you did, we had bacon and sausage full English for breakfast!”

Flora (testing the ham broth): “Needs more thyme. And a bit more salt.”

“We don’t wanna go any further in this goddamn house! I’m fed up with finding bits of people.”

“Dive into the pantry in a heroic fashion!”
“But it’s got heads and body parts in there …!”
“Yeah, and the person that created the heads and body parts has just arrived home!”

“Oh crap, I’ve botched. I think I ran through the door.”

Set: “After all, I’m the very model of a modern major Seelie Troll.”

NPC: “Coo-ee! Is anybody there?”
PC: “No!”

Set: “You’re hiding behind the Troll, aren’t you?”
Flora: “Yes. You’re quite big, I’m quite small.”

GM: “You’re just standing there, Set, or …?”
Set: “Yes, I’m just standing there because a little one has taken refuge.”
GM: “And you’re basically hiding behind the Troll?”
Flora: “Yup.”

“Close the pantry door behind me and realise I’m in proper horror movie territory.”
“Proper NOT hidden.”
“Yeah, like the villain knows where I am, there are no exits and there are corpse bits everywhere. I have wandered into The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and this happened because you gave me no drugs.”
“In The Texas Chainsaw Massacre there wasn’t a Troll in the next room with the murderer.”

NPC: “What’s going on in the pantry?”
Finn (from pantry): “Nothing!”
Set: “Okay, I’m going to have to lie here and say … ‘Nothing at all’.”

“Because I’m convinced she’s a psycho; she has body parts in the kitchen.”

“Feel free to calm me the fuck down.”

“Once again, subtlety has set itself on fire and done the Macarena naked off the edge of a cliff.”

“I like the idea that this might be the good sister I’m chinning.”
“Thing is, though, if this is their house, how can you kind of get away from having Changeling body parts in your pantry?”
“Fair point.”

“Moving with the vigour of a fully fledged recovering addict …”

“I need a frying pan or something quickly.”
“I recall you throwing mock at me for beating up an old woman that directly attacked me. With a knife.”

“Flora? Would you like to beat up this old woman? Why break the habit of a lifetime, you know, beating up old ladies.”

“I want backup from the pig on this.”
“I think the pig IS backing up.”

Normal roleplay should resume on Tuesday, if we're all done sorting out or motley crew of Space Marines by then.

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