Saturday, 11 February 2012

Feed the crocodiles, tuppence a Rog

So, Jack and Finn went after a merchant who had Jack's father's sword. Apparently, he had won it in a card game, off some bloke. Instead of persuading the man to part with the sword with Diplomacy, Jack stole the sword while Finn distracted the crowd with an impromptu guitar performance, and they both legged it. How are they ever going to find the bloke who lost the sword in that game?

Meanwhile, the rest of the group made it through the swamp and to the ferry ... which was already too far out in the water to catch. Our dear (?) friend (?!) Chinface the Redcap was there ... and ended up feeding some crocodiles because Set kicked his proverbial peaches. Flora made sure to loot the body (or what was left of it) for the potion bottle, so they'd have one spare, just in case.

Finn and Jack were without a guide in the swamp and had to fight a crocodile that very nearly got them. In the end, by using a couple of swords, they dispatched it. Finn decided to use swords more in the future, even though he inadvertently became a Squire by accepting the sword Jack gave him. The only Knight he can be a Squire to is Set. We'll see how that pans out ...

Finally, the potion-bearers reached the Count's Freehold, where the doors were wide open. Unusual. Redcaps were present. Set and Hugo (with Flora at a safe distance behind) went inside, only to find most of the Count's court in pieces - Ogres with chainsaws generally have that effect on people - and the Count himself at the tip of a sword, courtesy of Vinnie the Rog ... and that was the end! We will not abide being left on such a cliffhanger, so the GM has got orders to write us some more adventure to get closure.

Courtesy of Tuesday 7 February 2012’s 2nd Edition Changeling: The Dreaming adventure at Chimera.


“Felicia Day is in the last series of Buffy!”
“And The Guild. That’s where she’s from.”

“This is rubbish porn.”
“That’s because it’s a Care Bears movie.”
“Oh.”

Care Bear: “Let’s care for each other for 20 hours!”

“There’s also the voyeuristic Care Bear Stare.”

“The Care Bears are an elite group of Ewok Jedi.”

“Yoda’s very small … Chewbacca’s very big. Maybe he had a sister.”
“You are a sick man.”

“In this context, I’m seeing Yoda as Elvis.”

“What was his name? Colonel Parker?
“Wasn’t that Peter’s dad?”
“Let’s just say he’s played by Kevin Bacon in the film.”

“It goes a bit Twilight, technically.”
“NO IT DOESN’T!”

“Which is the best love story in Twilight? Edward and … uh …”
“What’s-her-face?”
“Yeah. Edward and what’s-her-face.”

Jack: “I’ve learned Diplomacy, so …”
Flora: “You HAVE?!”
Jack: “So I say to him, ‘excuse me’ …”
Finn: “I thought we were gonna run up and hit him!”

Jack: “Because it’s my father’s sword and I’m gonna kill you if you don’t!”
Finn: “You killed his father? Prepare to die!”

“If we all sit down and talk, there’ll be no kneecappin’ by 12-year-old boys.”

“I’m sorry, but at this point I have to use my points in Crosseyed Journey. ‘Don’t stop belieeeeevin’ …”
“Hold on to that feeling.”

“Your grave’s ready over here, please step in.”

Finn: “You go away happy, I go away happy, and Jack doesn’t turn into Chucky.”

Finn: “This is BEYOND jurisdiction.”
Set: “Just imagine what it would be like if I was there.”

“We’d better hope the snipers are Redcaps, because they’re terrible shots.”

“We’re doomed.”

Set: “I’m not even present at the moment! I leave him alone for TEN MINUTES!”

Finn: “Let me solve this! Let me solve this! Let me solve this! Take the guitar and cast Awe!”

“The upgrade is our hand is now a wall. Face, wall.”

“I do have another option.”
“So did I but I got scared, so I did this.”

“I stop and go ‘DRAGON!’ and run.”

Set: “Motivated by powers beyond my ken, I move to the nearest tree.” (bangs head on it)

(Trying to persuade Jack now would be a good time to get the hell out of there …)
Finn: “This is an unseelie village! It’s got an old witch that isn’t dead! It’s got old women who haven’t been attacked.”
Jack: “You’re right, RUN!!”

“I think we might be needing a funeral soon.”
“Or three.”

“What’s your plan?”
“Getting lost in the swamp!”

“What could possibly go wrong?”
“The crocodile we met earlier?”

“I’ll stand in line behind him. I’m British, I know how to queue.”

Alysiana: “I’m just gonna hide over here, where I’m safe from the plot.”

Chinface Redcap: “I’ve waited so long for this. I’m gonna cut you into 50 pieces.”
Set: “Sir, we don’t have time for this.”

(Looks around the store, no children in sight)
“D4 lock’s off.”
“Wooh! Too fucking right!”

“I need to teach Flora how to make a Molotov cocktail.”

Jack: “I know what I need to build you.”
Flora: “A rocket launcher?”

Jack: “I’m missing my gun being used.”
Set: “You wouldn’t like it anyway, it’s the wrong colour.”

Player: “Changeling: The X-Men is what we’re going for here.”
Set: “Holy crap, I’m Darwin!”

(After Set blasts the crap out of Chinface)
“Emperor Palpatine, your delivery.”
“He’ll wear a robe at the end of this adventure.”
“He’ll need to get another gun so he can fire from BOTH HANDS!”
“And he’ll arrest people, saying something something something rights something something Dark Side.”

Flora: “I’m just hanging back, looking nicely inconspicuous … like I’m NOT carrying a potion.”

“It’s a proper end of film death, being eaten by crocodiles.”

GM: “Hugo has another go at him. This is becoming a dicefest.”

“Algebra the Roleplaying Game. (Rolls 8) I rolled B.”

“Dice, the Roleplaying Game. You just roll dice.”
“Isn’t that just Yahtzee?”

Player: “You totalled his grandmother and locked him in a toilet. I think he’s right to be upset.”
Set: “But I didn’t do it in the same day!”

Alysiana (to GM): “When you say ‘a scream you’ve never heard before’ …”
Player: “Alysiana’s heard a LOT of screams.”

“I feel sorry for him, but he was a total dick, so he deserved to be liquidated.”

“Feed the crocodiles, tuppence a Rog …”

Flora: “I go and search him for the potion bottle.”
Set: “Can we NOT loot the body?”

Jack: “Didn’t you see me bartering with the Dwarf before?”
Finn: “Beyond you calling everyone under the sun a fuckwit? NO!”

Jack: “But it worked on 24!”
Finn: “YOU’RE NOT JACK BAUER! You’re TWELVE!”

“I know what to do with crocodiles; I’ve seen Steve Irwin.”

Finn: “I’m trying to teach you how to be a man.”
Jack: “That was frowned on, what with all the drugs before.”

“Is that the same crocodile as before? At least we’re moving in the right direction.”

Finn: “Two successes.”
GM: “Yeah, you’ve definitely annoyed the crocodile.”

“Climb a tree! Crocodiles can’t climb trees!”

“What happens to a developing Freehold if its Baron gets eaten?”
“The crocodile is raised.”

“You can’t botch damage, so no successes.”
“You botch the damage and heal it! You bash the wound closed.”

“We’re gonna die, being eaten by a crocodile in the middle of nowhere. This is how our story ends.”

GM: “You cut its snout off, by its eyes.”
Finn: “I should use a sword more often!”
Player: “Can we kill things less gruesomely?”

“They’ll call me Finn the Crocodile Killer for sure!”

GM: “The first step to become knighted is to be offered a sword by a lord.”
Finn: “Sir Finn!”
Set: “And there’s only one Knight he can be a Squire to …”

Finn: “When I re-tell this, it was a DRAGON.”

GM: “You’ll have to make several hundred rolls.”
Alysiana: “I can do that.”

GM: “You could suddenly drop out of the Dreaming in … Louisiana.”
Slick: “Oh, you shouldn’t have said that.”
Player: “Slick’s invading Changeling again!”

GM: “You reach the Freehold. The doors are open. They would normally be closed.”
Flora: “I’ve got a baaaad feeling about this.”
Set: “Thank you for the Star Wars quote, Flora.”

GM: “He’s certainly a Redcap.”
Set: “Is he one of the ones that tried to eat me that one time?”
GM: “Yes. Yes, he is.”

Flora: “When I said I follow behind, I meant at a safe distance.”

“This is the bit where if he succeeds, the camera shifts down.”

GM: “We’ll call it there.”
Party: “But it’s only 9:18! There’s plenty of time left!”
GM: “Yeah, but this is as far as I’ve written.”

EPIC CLIFFHANGER OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! So yeah, we'll see what happens, but we seem pretty unanimous about not wanting to leave the team hanging there. We want to know what happens! Next week, though, we'll start creating Dark Heresy characters ...

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