Wednesday, 1 February 2012

A little bit of sick, a little bit of Slick

The swamp turned out not to be such a big deal after all. Us players were the biggest challenge. To begin, we had a big discussion as to the name of the guy from CSI: New York - not Kevin Bacon but in fact Gary Sinise, whether or not The Stand was a film or a TV series and when it was from ... and then it turned into a discussion who Gary Busey is, what he's been in, and in particular, who was in Leathal Weapon, and so on. Hence why we decided in the end that next time we're trying to think of an actor, we'll say it's Kevin Bacon and leave it at that, or we're stuck for at least half an hour before someone has the idea to use the IMDb app on their phone ...

At the same time, it was decided  that any film we also couldn't think of would be Care Bears, meaning that later on, when the question accompanying a banjo tune, was "aww, what's the film called?!" the answer was Care Bears rather than Deliverance ... and we imagined a hybrid of the two ... we completely lost it and roared with laughter for five minutes.

(You had to be there.)

In-game, we found the town of Blacktree, mainly because the GM thought better of leaving us in the swamp, what with the inbred Care Bears and the ghost of Slick roaming around below the surface, and said we reached the place in a very quick time. Huzzah! We obtained a sample of the eponymous black tree through the cunning use of squirrel, and then discovered the master healing potion maker was in fact a witch. (You should have seen the look on Set's face when the GM told him the witch was an old woman ... Priceless!)

While Jack's negotations with her didn't seem to help all that much in getting her to co-operate, Hugo's 20 gold dross quickly won her over. Flora got to see the potion being made, took notes, and is considering spending a working holiday there. After the potion was finished, we got the bottle and started heading back to Nottingham as quick as we could. As Jack saw a merchant with his missing father's sword in the crowd, he decided to chase after him, with Finn in tow, while Alysiana, Set, Flora and the bottle - and some NPCs - started in the direction of home. Quickly.

Courtesy of Tuesday 31 January 2012’s 2nd Edition Changeling: The Dreaming adventure at Chimera.


“A 6d6 drinking game is just a deck of cards with things for you to do.”

“Nothing is too cute to shoot. Not even you.”

“Why has no one ever created a monster called the Orc Ward? It’s such a wasted opportunity.”

“You don’t have to be mad to work here, but it sure helps to spot the goblins!”

“He was in Star Trek: Next Generation.”
“Who WASN’T in Star Trek?”

“We’re caught in a game of Name That Actor.”

“It’s Kevin Bacon. It’s always Kevin Bacon.”

(after a lengthy discussion)
“We’re gonna have a rule: if you can’t remember the name of an actor, it’s Kevin Bacon.”
“I’m fine with that. And every movie we can’t remember is a Care Bears movie.”

“Taste the rainbow, motherfucker.”

“We’re talking about Nicholas Cage pissing fire.”

GM: “Considering you’re in the Dreaming …”
Player 1: “It’ll be an archetypal swamp.”
Player 2: “That means we’re gonna get lost.”

“I love the idea that the past session hates us so much it’s decided to attack this one.”

GM: “Who would like to die - I mean, go first?”

Jack: “Flora can go beside me.”
Flora: “You want me to hold your hand?”
Jack: “That’s not my hand …!” (wiggles eyebrows)

“That looks like a cannon.”
“We’re being approached by a cannonadile!”

“Wasabi peanuts and coconut jellybeans are not a good combination. Tastes a bit like diarrhoea.”
“How do you know what that tastes like?”
“I know what it SMELLS like.”

“As long as the crocodile ain’t a Pokémon, we’re safe.”

Finn: “Beat it up, Set! It’s old and scaly! That’ll do! Make sure you get its bus pass!”

(Flora gives the reason why she failed to spot the crocodile that attacked her)
Flora: “I just saw a handbag and didn’t think much of it.”

Alysiana: “My action’s gonna be to clutch Finn and yell ‘argh, alligator!!’ ”
Finn: “You’re gonna be a lot of help.”

“There’s nothing like punching an alligator in the throat, let’s face it.”

Finn: “Job done. I’m your friggin’ white knight.”
Alysiana: “Thank you!”

“We’d better get going. It didn’t look best happy.”
“Shush now, I’m enjoying my moment.”

Finn: “I haven’t shagged anything in this adventure yet. This crocodile might well be it.”

“Chimerical bestiality has worked itself into the game.”
“Scrota met.”

Jack: “I’ve been reading the Bible recently, and …”
Finn: “You’ve been readin’ the BIBLE?! Who let you read the Bible?!”
Jack: “But it’s a great fantasy novel!”
Finn: “That’s more like it. You settle down and take your drugs like a good boy!”

Set (being healed by Hugo): “I need to get the image out of my head that a rain dance is being performed around me.”

“A Redcap, a Sluagh and a Sidhe walk into a bar. The joke pretty much writes itself.”
“Why is the Sidhe walking into a bar? Probably because the Redcap’s holding it.”
“That’s probably a better joke than mine.”

GM: “You’re Tolkienising my adventure!”

Jack: “Last time I spoke with a Boggan, he got terribly upset.”
Finn: “Is that ‘cause you called him a feckwit?”

NPC: “What are you doing here?”
Player 1: “We’re on a quest looking for … what are we looking for?”
Player 2: “Jesus.”

Finn: “I’m not doing frog porn.”
Flora: “Neither am I.”

Finn (trying to bargain): “We have a whole host of psychotropic drugs!”

GM: “Charisma/Etiquette.”
Player: “It’s like Pearl Harbour in reverse.”

Jack: “SO resisting the urge to ask if I can’t repair the boat.”

“The keelhaul? That isn’t even a part of the boat; it’s a punishment!”

And when Alysiana started vomiting (she HAD had a load of chimerical ale, after all), Jack took out a vial and started collecting some. And then, we went off the rails completely for a bit …

Slick: “Do you know how much fairy vomit costs these days? …Slick, you need to get out of my head.”

Finn: “I just assume you’re gonna snort it. Burns on the way up, burns on the way down.”

“I wonder if we can label that as a Twilight vampire. It’s sickening AND it sparkles.”

“There’s not a game we’ve played that hasn’t involved a graphic description of vomit.”

(after spending too much time discussing how and why sweetcorn isn’t digested properly)
GM: “…I preferred The Stand conversation.”

“I think we need to take a little bit of a break here … There’s no way we can recover from this.”

“I’m normal.”
“Says who?!”

“I have a paper saying I’m sane.”
“Did you make it yourself?”

Redneck Care Bear: “Bend over and let me help yooou!”

“We need help.”

GM: “YOU REACH BLACKTREE!! For the love of God!”

“This is the place where characters go when they die.”
“And Slick’s everyone’s spiritual guide!”

Jack: “Finn, ask if they’ve seen any Redcaps around.”
Finn: “Have you seen any Redcaps around?!”
Jack: “… And be SUBTLE about it …”
Finn: “And be subtle!”

“What made you think Google Maps before Bladerunner?”

Finn: “Am I the only one who hasn’t had sex in a library?”
Flora: “I haven’t.”
Finn: “Want to?”
Set: “Does a police library count?”
Flora: “Sure, we’ll do it later.”
Finn: “Maybe not this one, though; it doesn’t look like much.”

“Does the black tree look like it’s going to bloom again if the rightful king is crowned?”

“NEVER read Lord of the Rings and then find out you’re Fae. It messes you up.”

NPC: “I know not of whom you speak.”
Jack (disappointed): “Bollocks.”

“He’s looking as mean as a fish-man can look mean.”

“It’s The Day of the Triffids … and eggplants.”

“If we keep asking if people have seen a tall, dark stranger, we’ll just end up on a dating website.”

Potion vendor: “Hello, how can I help you?”
Flora (suspiciously): “…Are you SURE you don’t have a Louisiana accent?”

Finn (noticing the amount of meat at the market): “I have a feeling we’re in a pantry situation here … let’s be careful.”

Alysiana: “I’ll have a water.”
Bartender: “You’re not from around here, are you?”
Player: “The water has its own democratic republic.”

“How bad do you have to be for Guppy McGillface to call you names?”

“…until Thatcher closed the Tomb of Horrors!”
“And suddenly, we’ve written a play.”

“Of course the monsters are from up North; where do you think Black Pudding comes from?”

(to Alysiana, who was flirting with a gambler for some info)
Player (in a Yorkshire accent): “It’s no use, luv, we’re blind! Also, we’re Gelatinous Cubes, so we don’t exactly have sexual urges.”

“Alysiana’s probably fact-finding.”
“Or shagging.”

“A new game: toss the squirrel!”
“We’re always tossing someone …”

Alysiana: “I found Vinnie!”
Finn: “Okay! Let’s not go there.”

“Don’t open the door, I’ve seen this film.”

“Maybe it’s bigger on the inside.”
“Maybe it’s a time lord witch.”

Set: “Can I make a Charisma/Please Ignore the Rest of the Party roll?”

Jack: “Do you need a piece of the black tree?”
Witch: “No, why?”
Jack: “…No reason.”

(after Hugo offered the witch 20 gold dross from his own pocket)
Player: “We should let the NPCs do deals more often. That way our shit doesn’t get lost.”

“One of the ingredients is people, ain’t it?”

Finn: “In this wonky house, I look good!”

Finn: “I love her!”
Witch: “It needs to be unconditional love for the person.”
Jack: “Finn, you had sex with her handmaiden. That doesn’t count.”

“I like the idea that all your unspecified dross are spinach cans.”

(when splitting the group in two)
“My character’s gonna die.”
“Wait, you’re gonna die? I choose the other party!”

“My name is Jack Tremayne. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

So Jack's spotted a bloke with his missing father's sword (GM assures us the bloke isn't Jack's father) and has gone with Finn to investigate. The rest of the party are swiftly making their way to the exit, because we have a princess to save!

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