Courtesy of Tuesday 9 August 2011’s 2nd Edition Changeling: The Dreaming adventure at Chimera.
“Isn’t a maisonette the thing you use to clean your man bits?”
“No, that’s a bidet.”
“This is the in-character reaction.” (Starts removing glasses)
“Facepalm! Two-handed!”
“DOUBLE facepalm.”
“You want ME to play MYSELF?”
Alysiana: “I only have nine weeks memory.”
Flora: “And most of that time you spent with US!”
(Alysiana looks glum.)
Flora: “You only find it creepy because you want to get Alysiana into bed.”
Finn: “That’s way too much work. Can’t I just have her here?”
Flora: “Okay, let me re-phrase it. You want your penis inside her.”
Finn: “That’s a very technical way of saying it … but yes!”
“I keep failing at convincing him to use a more inconspicuous transport.”
“He’s downgrading it … to a Ferrari.”
“You made it up. Like the eggplant. No, the eggplant’s real.”
“It wasn’t a porno, it was a French arts film.”
Jack (looks up Alysiana on internet video sharing sites): “This clip says it’s 18 only.”
Flora: “I’m 18!” (Presses button, watches clip) “Huh. It’s called ’19 Hours’.”
“I knew she was a goer, but this is something else!”
“Technically, I’m watching Finn watching the film.”
“Yeah. ‘Technically.’ ”
“In the morning, Flora’s gonna kill the policeman. Kill? Call!”
“I tried getting Finn to go to the next clip, but he wouldn’t. He was very adamant. It was kind of disturbing.”
“No, I don’t think we’d get away with torturing someone in a hospital. Besides, that’s a doctor’s job.”
“I can talk!”
“Oh so THAT’S what your mouth’s for. I had no idea.”
“Neither did he!”
“Set is trying desperately not to laugh at this moment.”
“He looms like nobody else. Except maybe Batman.”
“Yo-yo-knickers and Captain Stupid. This is gonna go well.”
Text from Set: “DO NOT. FURTHER INJURE. ANYONE.”
Finn: “I think this phone’s psychic! How did it know I was thinking just that?”
“They’ve put hourglasses next to the beds for morale. Slowly draining away …”
“Just remember, I don’t have the Hindrance ‘Complete Moron’ on my character sheet!”
“Wait wait wait! Do we need a harp and wavy screen here?”
“If an orderly is disrupting the game, does that mean they’re a DISorderly?”
“That was TERRIBLE. In fact, it was so terrible I’ve gone out of the game to tell the player off in character.”
Jack: “Old woman? You know who you need there now.”
Set: “I hate all of you.”
“Right. I’m just going to sit here and watch you beat up an old woman.”
GM: “+2 against old women.”
Set: “You’re not making this into a mechanic!”
“I see what’s coming – get the Benny Hill theme on!”
Set: “You’re attacking an old woman with a dying man. You’re NOT getting on my case ever again!”
“Four successes on turning an old woman into a water balloon.”
“We all know who’s responsible for all of this with the old women in the first place, of course. The one who keeps putting them in our way.” (to GM) “Have you got something against the elderly?”
“ ‘The retirement home’s empty … they’re coming!’ In the distance, the sound of advancing zimmerframes.”
“Get the bulldozers.”
“We’re making bad jokes about beating old women?”
“Where’ve you been? We’ve been doing that for weeks! Okay, not mowing them down with JCBs. That’s new.”
“Screw you, you chemo-sucking bastard!”
Finn: “We got attacked by chemo-patients! With radiation breaths!”
Player (most sarcastic voice ever): “Because THAT’S how cancer works.”
“I’ll tell you my theory when we’re on different sides of the gate.”
“Are you actually an old woman?”
“By that logic, whenever someone commits fraud, we should arrest their maths teacher.”
“So Soylent Adeen are people?”
“The person in the video isn’t actually me.”
“You’ve just inherited her Stamina. And Performance.”
Alysiana (making dramatic revelation): “I think I might be Milkaris.”
(Slight pause while rest of party ponder this, then:)
Finn: “Okay.”
Flora: “Saw that one coming.”
Jack: “I was thinking that.”
“He’s still alive, so technically, it’s vivisection.”
“If you’re Milkaris, can I keep your eggplant?”
“Can you do EVERY spam one correct? No? Then shut up!”
“We’re almost back at the first series. Not trusting Alysiana.”
“When did we ever stop?”
“So everything will be fine if we don’t act suspiciously and fight cancer zombies in the next few days.”
(at a police station, giving a statement)
Jack: “And then we went off with each other.”
Flora: “NO! No we DIDN’T! We’re NOT like that! I like you, Jack, but not in THAT way! I’m not a paedophile!”
Player: “I love how this is all going on record.”
GM: “I’m just gonna keep my distance while Dr. Frankenstein does his investigation.”
“In the interest of my lunch, I’m going. See you later.”
Flora: “She’s INSIDE your head?”
Alysiana: “Yes, I believe so. Ready to pounce.”
Flora: (lifts a piece of hair on Alysiana’s head, looking very curious)
Alysiana: “No, INSIDE my head, not on the skull!”
“Trying to be evil here! Stop it! Let me be evil!”
“Aww, I’m gonna miss Changeling. I was only just getting into Alysiana.”
“So were a lot of people!”
And we had a little taster of Deadlands too:
Slick: “Lucky, I think you’ve come down with religion.”
Mary: “What the hell?! …I take that back. I mean: Jesus, Mary and Joseph!”
More next week! And you know, while you’re waiting for the next post, you can interact with us on Faebook: S#!t Roleplayers Say. We've done a poll there and everything.
