Thursday, 27 October 2011

Firing ray guns inside the Devil's Tower is probably a bad idea

After bribing the Chinese guards outside the Temple of Doom Devil's Tower with about $200 each to look the other way for a bit (Mary coughed up the cash, wondering why everyone else thought the money was such a big deal), the party ventured inside the mountain. No dwarves or hobbits anywhere to be seen, although there might be dragons later. Possibly. For now, we dungeoneered and came across a big, black, acidic ceiling blob that ate Gunney's hat.

And wandered aimlessly around the caves, looking for plot. In the end, we came across a ray gun - which caused a huge lightning spark on par with Emperor Palpatine because the cylinder that powered it wasn't correctly re-attached (and now it's dead ... until we use it in a battle scene, where it will probably end up killing us all in a comedic fashion) - and an alien glove with extendable claws, which Sam bravely put on. And found wires shooting out, burrowing into his flesh to hook up with his central nervous system. Healing him while the burrowing was still happening wasn't a good idea, although once it had finished, the new hand was pretty badass, we have to admit.

Amongst the other superpowers developed this week, we discovered that there was a slight mistake on Gunney's character sheet - his pace was in fact 6, not 4 as previously thought, so now he has the speed of a normal person and not an unconscious snail, thereby earning him the "OAPistol" or "OAPeacemaker" superhero name. Oh, and Slick keeps blaming his casual racism on being from the Deep South, because apparently they don't have Chinese people there, or something. We don't know what's worse - that he thinks they're under some sort of curse or that he's trying to sell them cures for jaundice ...

Courtesy of Tuesday 25 October 2011's 1st Edition Deadlands adventure at Chimera.


“Or you could’ve just murdered him and moved on.”
“Oh, I did that afterwards.”

(P1 mentioned he’d made a pun worthy of P3. P3 then said what pun he would’ve used in P1’s stead, whereby …)
Player 1: “I didn’t go THAT far.”
Player 2: “There you go; do you feel better now?”
Player 1: “Yes, I feel less dirty.”
Player 3: “…It’s just a PUN, dude.”

“I’ve already made someone physically hurt with one of my puns; I feel the evening’s getting off to a good start.”

(From another table, where our resident punner had gone for a visit)
“Go pun your own group!”

Player 1 (explaining to P2 what the GM had just said): “Contracting keeps him in geeky t-shirts and mortgage. He put them on the same level of importance.”
Player 2: “…Well, yeah!”
Player 1 (to GM): “Preaching to the already converted.”

Player: “Apparently you’re now the official wagon driver.”
Reynard: “I am? If so, I want a pay-rise, a hat and a license of some sort.”

“If you replaced John Malkovich with a raisin, would anyone notice?”

“Does that mean that children should be shot instead of heard?”

“It’s a celebration of the miracle of birth, at high velocity.”

“I inhaled Freddie Mercury?”
“You wouldn’t be the first.”

“That would make God blush.”

“I’m done with PC! I can’t stand PC nowadays.”
“You’re more of a Mac man?”

“Now that we’ve stopped pushing B’s OCD buttons, can we get back to the plot?”

Sam (to Gunney): “I thought I’d leave you in there so you wouldn’t die.”

GM: “No one wants to shoot you. Not even Jackie.”
Slick: “That MUST have been a good roll.”

“They’re just like normal people, only smaller and yellow!”

Slick: “Why are they looking like that?”
Sam: “They’re born that way, they’re Chinese.”
Slick: “Is there a curse there or something?”

“Do we have ANY allies?”
“No, we killed them.”

“Keep talking, because the GM’s Chinese accent’s sliding towards French.”

“Your English isn’t very good, is it? Admittedly, it’s better than my Chinese.”

Reynard: “$20?”
Chinese guard: “$20 is not worth my head.”
Reynard: “$40?”
Slick: “A jaundice cure?”

Gunney: “You’ve got THAT much money?! Why are we doing this in the first place?!”
Mary: “…For the lulz?”

“I’m sure the Chinese are fair, industrious folk who won’t steal our patents.”

“I’m not comparing Chinese people to monkeys, but …”

“A spider monkey would just take a picture of its own genitals and give the camera back.”

“We’ve had a disturbing lack of intelligent apes.”
“Don’t worry, that’ll change soon.”

“You’re slating the GM’s map-drawing skills? How very dare you.”
“Well, we’re all gonna die next week anyway.”
“NEXT week?”
“…On a good day.”

“And somewhere in the dark: my preciousssss …”
“It’s entirely possible.”

“I asked for left or right, not your sexual preferences.”

“What’s with you and invertebrates?!”
“It’s you with old ladies and him with invertebrates.”

“Everyone, hold on to your eyebrows!”

Slick: “If that’s what I think it is, take a sample!”

GM: “Can you make me a Strength roll?”
Gunney: “Probably not.”

“A pair of queens.”
“…There’s a joke in there somewhere.”

Sam: “I did yell bullets wouldn’t work.”
Gunney: “My head was in GOO!”

“The GM has a pretty high Scrutinize; he can see our character sheets.”

Slick: “I was useful!” (does a happy dance)

Sam: “It’s a fool’s hat!”
Gunney: “It came off Jefferson!”

“Screw the monsters, we’ll kill ourselves!”

“Why do I drink these things?! Why?!”

Reynard: “I think you just pissed in a bottle, to be honest.”
Slick: “Was it the ’84 batch? That would explain it.”

GM: “Or to give it the proper name: the dark blob.”

“It feels like we’re in an adventure game again. Go west.”
“Hit the gnome with the fishing rod.”

GM: “It congeals and slobs away in the roof.”
Player: “Word of us has apparently gone around.”

“Your accent got really heavy in the middle of the sentence and really messed up my perception of it. You’ve turned into sounding like Tom Waite!”

Player 1: “Why are we going that way? Is it because I failed my Cognition check?”
GM: “Maybe.”
Player 2: “You’re like a broken satnav.”

GM: “It’s a ray gun.”
Player 1: “What kind of Rays does it fire? Bearded ones? Ones with hats?”
Player 2: “Stingrays!”

“Come the ‘80s, there HAS to be a superhero called Ronald Raygun.”

“Academia: Alien Technology? Do we need to be Mulder for this?”

(Slick eyes up a ray gun cylinder)
Mary: “You’re gonna lick it, aren’t you?”
Slick: “No. Although now that you mention it, I might have to lick it in a minute.”

“We’re all standing BEHIND him, yes? FAR behind him.”

“I rolled a five.”
“Okay, you lose five limbs.”

“And there’s me thinking I could be ray gun guy.”

“Tinkerin’ with alien technology – what can possibly go wrong?”

“I want to see if it can fire potions.”
“Like a giant supersoaker?”
“Well, it ain’t firin’ rays no more.”

“We’ll call that cave Kidney.”
“Sounds ominous. If we find a cave that looks like lungs, we should be worried.”

“Do we hear this insane giggling at the back of the party?”

“So it looks like a really bad ‘60s prop?”

GM: “Where are you going?”
Player 1: “We go in the direction that leads to plot.”
Player 2: “That hasn’t worked so far.”

GM: “You see another shiny thing on the floor. You’re such a magpie!”

Sam: “I choose to pass out.”

“Lesson for the future: when you want to become Wolverine, you BECOME Wolverine!”

Sam: “Oww, it’s hurting less now! Oww!”

Gunney: “My special power I’ve developed is that I can move at the same speed as a normal person.”

(After establishing how awesomely cool the rest of the party have become, with Mary turning into some sort of angelic healer, Reynard a powerful Huckster, Sam turning bionic and Slick inhaling a Manitou)
Gunney: “And I’m just an old dude who’s lost his hat.”

GM: “And you get a Minor Phobia of Alien Technology.”
Player: “Now I’m gonna imagine Sam giving a little yelp every time he looks at his hand.”

Sam: “FINE! I’ll be the Freddie Krueger of the 19th Century!”

“That would be an interesting crossover. What if Freddie Krueger was Wyatt Earp?”

“Let’s see how many cybernetic limbs we can pick up next week.”

We can reasonably conclude that six pages in the previous notepad is roughly four pages in the new, because there's a slight size difference. And if you didn't notice, blog's had a name change. You likes? (If you don't, we'll feed you some of Slick's gumbo.)

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