Saturday, 31 March 2012

Soaking carpets in the Nottingham Chainsaw Massacre

We're back in the weird and wonderful ways of Changeling: The Dreaming again, and we left off with an Epic Cliffhanger of DOOOOOOM, in which our friend Count Valdemar was held at knifepoint in his own home. Well, it didn't exactly pan out. He got his throat cut after all, and even though Flora tried to save him, she couldn't stop the bleeding.

On the plus side, the rest of the party brought down all the bad guys, so yay for us! Jack then found some papers, while Alysiana sneaked off to administer one of the super-mega-deluxe healing potions to the princess, with Finn and Flora a couple of minutes behind. Potion administered, the princess ... well, we've yet to find out, actually.

Needless to say, Set is awesome - even chainsaws can't bring him down! Now all we have to do is to not get caught in the middle of a number of Fae nobles who want to rule Nottingham. Or get arrested for the bloodbath that is currently Count Valdemar's residence. Maybe there's an old lady somewhere we can pin it on?

Courtesy of Tuesday 27 March 2012's 2nd Edition Changeling: The Dreaming adventure at Chimera.


Player 1: “What’s a furry?”
Player 2: “Leave this innocent man alone!”
Player 3: “Go on Wikipedia.”
Player 2: “Google image search it!”
Player 3: “NO! DON’T do that!!”

Jack: “Meanwhile, Finn and I are going ‘la la lalalala, la la la la la-la’.”
Set: “You’ve become Smurfs? That’s MY derogatory nickname!”

“Time is very fluid.”
“Especially to George Lucas.”

“DO NOT MENTION EWOKS and we’ll be happy.”

“Things don’t necessarily stop between my brain and my mouth.”
“We’ve noticed.”

“You’re too nice to kill people! You can’t join.”
“That sounds like a dare.”

“I’m not sure it was him losing his shit or a Cthulhian prayer.”

“This is how we work: we find clues and we torture them and occasionally kill them.”

Jack: “Now I have legal issues, I make sure to get the terms correctly. We were information-gathering.”

Jack: “When we get back, do you think Alysiana will really want to marry the princess?”
Finn: “If so, I need to see the video evidence.”

“That’s what killed off dragons in England: grey squirrels.”

“Is this written by HBO? Because if so: gay kiss.”

“I know what Alysiana can do to help.”
“Sleep with them?”
“Close!”

“I was just doodling, that’s why the map looks like a penis.”

“Peanuts?”
“No, further away.”
“A book? Why would you want a book?”

“There are no proper cans, only bottles.”
“Kill the shopkeeper.”

Player: “Was that YOU speaking, or Finn?”
Finn’s Player “I’m not sure where that line is any more, to be honest.”

“So you reached for your wallet? Ninja death wallet? Doesn’t work.”

GM: “The good news is you don’t have to fight Vinnie.”
Set: “That’s the GOOD news?”

“So. How much damage does a chainsaw do?”

Set: “I wanna know how badly I died. This is exciting.”

“You get to soak the carpet.”

“I heard ‘the speedy one gives you multiple Anakins’ and I thought one was enough.”

“Having Set in the room is like having a big, wagging finger there.”

“I’m gonna deck him.”
“Colloquial.”

“The important thing is, he’s dying by pink weaponry.”

“These are World of Darkness dice, I can’t change them.”
“New World of Darkness?”
“No, Vampire the Requiem. (Pause) That’s my problem, isn’t it?”

GM: “Vinnie looks badly mauled.”
Player: “That’s because Hugo’s all kinds of Princess Bride.”

“You’re not using Wayfare, you’re using crack.”

“Set and Alysiana should date each other.”

“Dress in drag and do the hula! It worked in The Lion King.”

Finn: “Do you watch Springwatch? It’s great when you’re stoned. I imagine Kate Humble naked. Bill Oddie … not so much.”

“Always remember: When you try things, your father dies.”
“Parenting!”

Set: “I can take this one on the nose. Oh wait, you’re rolling 12 dice.”

“Where did you get that chainsaw? Lidl?!”
“Actually, if he did, it would be very good.”
“Yes, it would, actually. We’ve got one.”

“That’s a strange celebration.”
“Unless they’re watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre. That’s what I do when I celebrate.”

“I think you should star in Shakespeare porn.”

“I’m aiming a Tesla coil! It’s all I’ve ever wanted!”
“Why do all our games end up with lightning guns?”

Flora: “Can I use the Count as a meat shield?”

“When he gets up, he’s gonna look like he comes out of Hellraiser.”

“There’s only one thing I can say right now: that didn’t pan out.”

“It was done with my penis, in the library!”
“YOU’RE Professor Plum?”

Set: “I wish I could say that was the first opponent I’ve face that has spontaneously burst into flame.”

“GM is proper meta-gaming now. That’s how we win this game – we realise he’s stolen the birthday dice. Any moment now, he’ll pull out a chainsaw.”

“Tell her to watch a 3D film and watch her head explode.”
“What’s with you and old ladies?!”

“Some friends and I are gonna get matching tattoos and get mummified when we die, so archaeologists will think we’re part of a cult.”

“In the interest of not doing math, I burn the ogre.”

Jack: “Do you want to get killed quick or slow? No, that’s right; you don’t get a vote!”
Player: “Proper 12-year-old insult. Epic.”

“You give birth to a flintlock pistol. It’s what happens when you sleep with an AK47.”

Alysiana: “I’m gonna get some blank paper.”
Player: “You’re gonna betray us again, aren’t you?”

“A night night, as opposed to a knight knight.”

“Maybe he had to be a member, like the Nazis?”
“Did we just get Godwined? We’ve just got Godwined, ladies and gentlemen!”

Alysiana: “No! I don’t get to do my betrayal scene!”

“Any minute, she’s gonna turn into the Incredible Hulk.”
“I’m holding out for the Thing, personally.”

GM: “You only have two Willpower?”
Finn: “Yeah, I’m FINN. I’m lucky to have that second die.”

Finn: “Marry me!”
Jasmine: “I will!”
Finn: “Hooray! … Oh, shit.”

GM: “You’ve rescued your one, true love. Or one of your true loves, anyway.”

“Good troll? The way you said that was like ‘good dog’.”

“It’s all gone a bit Hellboy.”

Alysiana (defensive): “I didn’t do an evil thing this entire session!”

Alysiana: “My first attempt at not shafting the party means I’m worse off than I was when I DID try to shaft the party.”

“I’m not gonna doink you know, ‘cause I’m married.”

Jack: “That would go against my morals.”
Flora: “You have morals?”
Jack: “I’m supposed to, now!”

Jack: “Finn can be the party healer.”
Flora: “HEY!”

There's blood everywhere, and we didn't save the Count, but who will take his place? And did we actually end up saving the princess?

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