If we survive this, I’m buying you an Inspector Clouseau box set

So, there was beanstalk-climbing, window-crashing and an assortment of madness. Alysiana's actress friend found at the end of last week ended up dead - we didn't reach her in time. However, in a nearby hotel, we found the man who Finn saw in a vision, killing his friend and band member, and most likely killing this poor woman too. So we clobbered him. Then we also came across his female accomplice and went a-chasin'. And we discovered we've got a lot of things in common with the NCIS team.

Courtesy of Tuesday 19 July 2011’s 2nd Edition Changeling: The Dreaming adventure at Chimera.

To start off, we reminisced about last week's improvised session of Detox: The Regrettening:

“Did you pitch the idea to C?”
“Yeah, pitched it before I ran it.”
“Really? And he was OKAY with it?”
“Perhaps not in the form we played it.”

“Also learned: don’t let F write the cards. ‘You like looking at funny cat videos on the internet’ is not a helpful card.”

“The stripper was a Nazi. The Nazi stripper isn’t actually a Nazi, BUT she’s the wife of a Nazi, who isn’t a Nazi, who’s a mobster, who was killed by Jimmy, whose name is Gordon, who’s alive, but is a gangster who is dead! NOOOOO!!!”
“Some of the cards made sense, though.”

“How would the weather forecast report a storm of swords? A song of fire and ice is simple, you just sing about fire and ice, but swords?”

“I think it might be a metaphorical statement.”
“Oh that makes MUCH more sense!”
“Can we kill him?”

Then someone had a question about Deadlands ...

Player 1: “Mutant zombie goo.”
Player 2: “Radioactive barf.”
Player 1: “Yeah, that’s it.”
Player 3: “I was going for standard acid. I wasn’t going to go down the radioactive barf route.”

“The river of radioactive barf.”
“Mm-mm. Taste better than sarsaparilla!”
“It’ll solvent all your problems.”

And then, finally, moved on to Changeling:

Finn: “I believe we were running across gardens, Shaun of the Dead style.”
Flora: “Yeah, and I rescued some books that obviously needed my help.”

“Wait, did we actually leave the house?”
“I did, at top speed.”

Set: “Well, I’m all Set!”

“We’re both panting somewhat. Good start! That’s like noooo! I know Finn hasn’t done it for a while, but STILL!”

Jack: “Where are you?”
Flora: “Mansfield?”
Jack: “Whereabouts?”
Flora: “I don’t know! Since when have I been able to read a map? We’re somewhere, going away from the house.”
Finn: “Who’s that? Who’s on the end of the phone?”
Flora: “Jack.”
Finn: “Okay! I’ll tell him where we are!”
Jack: “Where are you?”
Finn: “We’re in Mansfield!”
Jack: “Okay ... Pass the phone back to Flora.”

Finn: “That has a maps button?! What kind of a phone is this?!”
Flora: “A really good one, apparently!”
Jack: “ALL phones have that now.”
Finn: “I’m lucky if mine doesn’t have a spin dial!”

Finn: “I brought something from the house.”
Jack: “Get in. We’ll talk about it when we get back.”
Finn: “I don’t think we can talk about it when we get back because it’s a can of beer, and it’s gonna be an empty can.”

“The who now?”
“No, The Who’s a band.”
“I know that. I’m aware of pop culture before 1983.”

“It impresses me that I play a character that’s born a year before me, who’s far, far more mature.”
“This is why I tend not to play mature characters.”

(Why we didn’t take the Hand of Glory)
“It’s a bit of a handful.”
“We didn’t wanna get caught red-handed.”

“At this point, I think we’re all touched.”
“Tell me where they touched you. Show me!”
“On me!”

“Mysterious lady is doing something mysterious. Probably shagging.”

GM: “YOU’RE driving?!”
Jack: “No no, I’m in the passenger seat. I didn’t think was fair to get one of them in the passenger seat, though, because then one would feel favourite. And I like the space.”
Player: “So they’re suffering inequality. Like COMMUNISM! Am I right?”

“So we have a troll with a revenge boner going off on his own somewhere?”

“Wait, did you guys actually physically run AFTER I gave you all an alibi?”

“None of my prints are on any of the mystical stuff. That probably helps.”

“Unless it was a leather tea towel.”

“Everyone knows that a butcher’s apron is made out of the previous butcher.”
“Or cotton.”

“…So you’re just standing there, rubbing crap on the skin of this guy who came before you, who might have been very good at his job. It’s just that times are hard, he was made redundant and …”
“This is becoming a monologue.”

“I’m an organ-skinning butcher, making aprons out of their leather… god, I’m a horrible person!”

“I’m back and I’m not morbid.”

“I don’t think the line ‘in Mansfield?!’ is going to stand up in a court of law.”

“I reckon we just arrest all one-handed men beforehand.”
“And shoot them! Then there’d be NO crime! Except the murder of one-handed people.
“You hand-ist!”

Finn: “Did I just work something out?”
Jack: “That’s what you get for being sober.”
Finn: “I don’t like it, though.”

“It’s not incriminating to anyone apart from Sarat and … Coocookplx.”
“Cocapocapecl! Capotlotapilix! Capopoflix … I need a beer.”
“Cacophonix! Asterix IS behind all this!”
“His cunning plan is that we’re not even able to remember his name long enough to convict him!”

“He’s already letting me roll with it without needing the dice!”

“His human name is probably (player).”

“It’s the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, isn’t it?”
“Aren’t they a rock band?”

“This isn’t rock’n’roll, this is genocide!”

“It could work if we use the doohicky ring!”

Finn: “What are you trusting me with? Don’t trust me with anything! I’m a liability!”
Alysiana: “You’re the only one who can open the door without breaking it.”
Finn: “Oh yeah, I can do that!”
GM: “The thing is … he’s RIGHT!”

Finn: “Is it a HOT friend?”
Jack: “Is it a male or a female person?”
Alysiana: “Female … actress.”
Jack: “Yeah, Finn’s gonna be there.”

“You were the only kid with a good-looking Tracy Island, weren’t you?”

“Let’s have a competition: What’s in Finn’s pockets?”
“It’s like Bilbo Baggins. What’s he got in his pockets? A crack pipe, hobbitses, a crack pipe!”

“I’ll just do a search for Brown in the database. I’m sure that will narrow it down tremendously.”

“You broke yourselves!”

“The traditional form of Changeling combat: rap battle.”

“Yay, I get to roll dice!”

Finn: “You CAN do illegal things without my help.”

“He could be using something to make him look 20.”
“It’s a potent supernatural force. It’s made from werewolf jelly.”

“That’s totally a thing now, because I said so.”

“Yes, but you also have points in Glower! We don’t need Glowering, it’ll put me off!”

Jack: “It’s not Kevin who’s going with you, it’s John. The cook.”
Finn: “Oh yeah, the gay one.”
GM: “John the cook.”
Player 1: “The ninja gay cook.”
Player 2: “We decided over a long and complicated backstory buildup that he’s an ex navy SEAL who is also gay.”
Player 3: “And French.”
Player 2: “And he’s got a frickin’ MEAN soufflé!”

“He’s basically based on Steven Segal’s character in Under Siege. That’s the picture I had in my head when I decided that’s what he was.”
“Except gay.”
“How dare you assume Steven Segal is straight?”

“You’ve now turned Steven Segal into Sylvester Stallone.”
“Oh yeah, I always get those two mixed up.”

Finn: “Do you want some flowers?”
Alysiana: “No.”
Finn: “Good, because that’s frickin’ terrible daffodils.”

“You can’t make your food angry!”

“This is actually what he says next: ‘Oh ring, take me to the someone who’s possibly connected to someone who killed Tag.’ Oh look, it’s not doing anything.”

(Jack wants to hack mobile phone networks)
“In six months’ time, it’ll turn out you were working for The News of the World.”

“Let’s see, this is a very difficult choice: woman’s life or slightly more paperwork.”

“Meanwhile, I’m breaking in!”
“With what?”
“Apparently, my face!”

“You don’t have an argument about breaking in when you’re outside in the corridor!”

“Find Clue roll.”
“My god, it WAS professor Plum!”

Jack: “I have to actually hack the system.”
GM: “Yeeaah …?”

“Are you trained in movie hacking? Because if you’re trained in movie hacking, all you have to do is press buttons …”
“A montage, that’s what we need!”

“If the phone’s switched off, it won’t find it.”
“But that’s not how it works in the movies!”

“If you won’t let me toss, this is going to take longer.”
“Fine! Toss away! Just clean up the mess!”

“Why don’t we just burn things that aren’t a clue? Then we’ll have less things to search through.”

“On a rating from one to ten, in Finn’s eyes.”
“One being … actually, there’s no rating. Is she a woman?”
“Then that’s okay!”

“Rosie O’Donnell isn’t a woman. It’s some kind of elephant.”

“Maybe she’s one of those people off Most Haunted.”

“How do I know how the interwebs work? As far as I’m concerned, it’s another form of magic!”

“We are the WORST subtle burglars ever!”

“Talking Bollocks roll.”

“I’m here for your door! Open it or I kill you!”
“It actually opens from the inside.”
“Right! I’ll get to that then!”

“He’s drinking again!”
“Now it’s all going to pot!”
“No, that’s for LATER.”
“…I’m proud of you.”

“I’ve just dropped three storeys on essentially a Tarzan vine, going straight through a window; I think I’m allowed to drink a bottle of wine.”

“Hello? Hello! Hello, is that you?”
“Yeah. Well, if it was me you were after, then yes.”

“You’ve got the tracker, but it’s actually a chocolate bar.”

GM: “He’ll have to meditate every day, just to have the patience to put up with you. Every morning, for hours!”

“Have you bandaged your leg yet?”
“Was I supposed to?”
“Yes, you’re bleeding on my back seat.”
“I’m sorry, and red doesn’t really go with your upholstery.”

“Bizarre. We’re convenient.”

“You’ve got any tunes?”
“No, but I have some Soothers!”

“You can have a Mikado.”
“Is it to shut me up?”
“No, as a ‘well done, have a cookie’.”
“MY bad puns get REWARDED?”
“Yes, you’re participating.”
“Yay, I’m participating!”

“What’s the name of the area? It’s not Silent Hill, is it?”
“No, it’s Death Moor.”

Set: “I need Gremayre to figure out what the hell this ring is doing, and I don’t have any ranks in Gremayre.”
Finn: “I do.”
Jack: “I do.”
Alysiana: “I do.”
Flora: “I don’t even know what the word means!”

“He bunked off school to smoke dope. Dope? Makes me sound like The Man!”

“It was like a scene from an action film, apparently.”

“But did he say a one-liner?”

“I guess the wind is your doing?”
“Cancel the wind!”

“We’ve just arrived, and Flora’s the equivalent of Ducky.”

Finn: “I am NOT Abby.”
Jack: “No, you’re DiNozzo.”
Finn: “YOU can be Abby.”
Jack: “No, I’m McGee.”

“So we don’t have an Abby?”
“I’ll name my computer Abby.”

“If Set is Gibbs, I’m worried about getting a Gibbs-slap. It’ll kinda knock us out, man.”

“I’m going to mind rape them; that’s a weapon.”

“If we live through this, I’m buying you an Inspector Clouseau box set.”

“Have I been useless yet?”

“My first combat scene; I feel better.”

“Shit, he murdered me and I didn’t even notice! What a twist!”

“Eight successes.”
“He’s disarming in more ways than one.”

“I’m going to do something with myself.”
“For 19 hours?”

“So you’re fisting him to make sure he’s damaged?”
“Well, at least he’s not an old lady.”

“Woman. Now.”
“I know that would grab his attention.”

GM (estimating how long is left of the adventure): “In terms of the adventure, probably an hour or so. In terms of the party … two or three days.”
Player: “You have such faith in us.”
GM: “Just experience.”

“You could have a cat with opposable thumbs, that also actually knows your intuitive knowledge of herbalism, and therefore you have it to fetch everything off the shelves. So every now and again, this cat kinda jumps all over the place and comes down holding a kind of bottle of something and hands it to you.”
“And then annexes Poland.”

“Imagine in a hundred years, someone will find that notepad and go, ‘what the heeeeeeeell?!’”

“I think I got a permanent point of banality from that meeting.”

“He just ran off.”
“Like Scooby Doo.”

“Changeling … it’s like Trainspotting versus Narnia.”

GM tells us we should gear up for Deadlands. Could it be that we start it on Tuesday or ... simply drag out the Changeling session just that little bit longer? Read and find out!

While you’re waiting for the next post, you can interact with us on Faebook: S#!t Roleplayers Say.