”Top o’ the evenin’ to ya!”
“I’m not a leprechaun! They’re small and rich. I’m not. I live in a bedsit.”
“Why?! You could live with Jack at Wollaton Hall!”
“Flump?” (offering mini-marshmallows)
“SUGAR!!”
(After watching someone’s futile attempts at peeling the stickytape off a Heroclix box)
“I’ve got nails?”
“Let him do it, it’ll make him feel like a man.”
“…For opening a cardboard box full of action figures?”
“Don’t say it! They’re not toys!”
“He can’t visualise that right now, he has a mouth full Chinese. Don’t write that down!” (slightly later) “…Actually, scrap his and write mine down. Mine was better.”
“Did you want to do something in character?”
“I’ve been in character since I arrived!”
“You make your own money? You criminal!”
“I sit on the TOILET and make money! Uh … My company makes money FOR me while I’m on the toilet.”
“Your nickname is now ‘Bloodhound.’”
“I think ‘Set’ is better.”
(After discussing what counts as betrayal and how it would influence a spell)
“So being brutally honest doesn’t count.”
“You look like your will to live has died.”
(On discovering there were entries in the quote book)
“You’ve almost a page and we haven’t even started yet? I might get you to sign a non-disclosure agreement.”
“So it’s a theme between games? One always needs to make hangover cures.”
“Suddenly I’m standing behind him. I believe the term is ‘looming’.”
“I’m just standing here, talking to myself, mumbling into my beard.”
“You have a beard?”
Set: “We’re not getting the guide drunk, it’s not a good idea.”
Finn: “But he can show us all the fun stuff!”
Flora: “Or get us killed.”
Finn: “…She has a fair point. Keep the guide sober!”
“Those boots look fine on him.”
“I’m not dressing up as a punk!”
“Dress her up in frills! Like a Goth gone wrong!”
(And that’s why you never take fashion advice from Finn!)
“I was just asking myself the same question. Only in a different way.”
“This is both in and out of character: We’re spending an unduly amount of time on clothing.”
“I cracked a joke. Try not to have a heart-attack.”
“JUST TOSS THE LITTLE BASTARD!”
NPC: “I normally don’t come this way, it’s a bit dodgy.” (… He says, AFTER we’ve trudged through sewers!)
Player: “What kind of lock is it?”
GM: “WAS it.”
“I was joking.”
“I’m not gonna get used to that.”
“You feel safer with the guy who just smeared excrement on your face. Good for you.”
“I trust Finn more than I trust a Troll!”
“You’re gonna diiieeee!”
“Wait, it’s chimerical. Who am I to argue how it works?”
(After discussing if we could ascertain the quality of some potions being hawked)
GM: “It can take half a day to identify an item.”
Player 1: “…Yeah, that would probably be classed as loitering.”
“You’re meant to be haggling, not insulting the man.”
GM: “You might actually be realising some sort of bargaining thing is going on here. How weird! What a strange custom!”
“Have you got anything to carry them in?”
“I’ve got big pockets.”
“You’re carrying chimerical iron chunks in your pockets? And you’re twelve?”
“So you’ve got a bunch of roleplayers doing maths?”
“No no no no, BASIC maths. It’s a completely different thing.”
“You might as well go read slash porn on the internet.”
“Who says I already do?”
“Oh, I forgot. We’re gonna get quoted on this later.”
“Are we talking about a D4 or a D4?”
“Jesus Christ, my eyesight is bad.”
“You had your hand in the way.”
“No. Jesus Christ, my eyesight is bad.”
Player (sees a rat boy NPC): “Is his name Alex Krycek?”
GM: “…Noo?”
“Do you have dancing girls?”
“In my pants!”
“You have a problem of anyone you speak to, you chat up.”
“You’ve noticed that?”
“Maybe it’s just a magic arse, like Ross Noble has.”
“If he produces perfume from his arse, that’s the worst selling technique ever.”
“I love how we broke the plot again.”
“We’re out of the game twenty minutes and come back and break the plot.”
Horny NPC: “Come here, I’ll make you feel like a caterpillar!”
Player 1: “Are we on a mission or what?”
Player 2: “Yes we are!”
GM: “WERE!”
“I’ve had it, I’m using Sovereign. He’s a commoner, I’m a knight - he WILL obey me!”
“Are you aware of what will happen if he starts selling off parts of the Count’s estate to the unseelie?”
“I’ll get a knighthood!”
“You’ll be gang raped in the shower, more likely.”
“Okay. Now I’m listening.”
“I’m not dishonest, I’m just a dick.”
“Every secret agent needs a girl on his arm, even if she’s a lesbian who hates him.”
“Why are we keeping her around?”
“Because she’s useful.”
“Really?”
“Don’t worry, he didn’t recognise us. If he did, Finn would be somewhere between dead and … dead.”
“Of all the butterflies that can set things in motion, Take That getting back together rank pretty low.”
“The difference between fairytales and roleplaying, chapter one.”
“Italy had jazz, man! Jazz! They were classy!”
“Nice.”
“All chefs are gay, it’s like a universal rule. Especially if they live in big houses and are called Alphonse.”
“I think you’re confusing being gay with Frenchness.”
Player 1 to GM: “Ring status?”
Meanwhile, in the players’ heads:
Player 2: “Who’s Ring?”
Player 3: “Who’s Status and why do we need to call him?”
“That’s officially going into my horrible mental image cabinet. I have a filing system.”
“You need to go to IKEA.”
You get bonus points if you got the X-Files and Fast Show references. Stay tuned for more madness next week!
