Thursday, 15 March 2012

These boots were made for stompin'

When we're one player down and face certain death, there is a coping mechanism we tend to employ in the group. It's called "procrastinating until Death goes away". We've done it in Deadlands before, and now ... we just ended up talking all manner of bollocks just for our own amusement. All the while, of course, aware that the more we stall, the less chance there is of us getting killed in that particular session.

It very nearly failed to work, when the GM threw a bunch of genestealers on us. Nasty critters, they are. They pack a savage punch, and we took damage. Had it not been for a few strategically used Fate points, there would have been more body parts missing than just an eye. Or, as it turned out, having your leg very nearly shot off.

Before going into the next Xenos-battling, however, someone said that would be a good place to leave it, so that the missing player wouldn't miss out on as much. The other players quickly agreed, as did the GM. So now, battered and bleeding, we go into the next combat with a full squad.

Courtesy of Tuesday 13 March 2012’s Warhammer 40k: Deathwatch adventure at Chimera.


“Fly keeps … flying around! Because it’s a fly, and it’s what they do.”

Player 1: “My life is a comic.”
Player 2: “All our lives are.”
Player 3: “Mine’s more Comic Sans, because it’s sort of old and rounded.”

“What kind of guns do unicorns use? Colts!”

“You’re a lying cheater! You said you were going to stop playing Marvel Universe and then you kept playing and now I can’t beat your highscore!”

“What are you talking about?”
“Black liquorice.”
“…I have nothing to say on the matter.”

“Oedipus said, ‘this is a little complex’.”
“I think that’s a bit too high-brow for this table.”

“…And you can smoke that, because sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”

GM: “M isn’t here, so I’m in charge of the Marines.”
Player: “What’s that? The hospital’s in my brother?”

“You ARE talking to the guy who invented Dice: The Roleplaying Game.”

“What happens when you run out of dice?”
“HUSH! No blasphemy!”

“Golf: The Roleplaying Game.”
“I rolled a ten, does that mean I hit the ball?”

“What we need is to come up with a dying kid who loves Earthworm Jim.” (because even the people who worked on the show doesn’t like it, which is why it hasn’t been released on DVD)

Viturus: “I apologise.”
Dreadnought: “I accept your apology and won’t squash your head like a grapefruit.”

“Modify the van! – Sorry, I went a bit A-Team there.”

“Heresy!”
“That’s why it was said by the GM and not a player.”

“We’re past the watershed?”
“Fuck yeah!”
“Aww, you got there before me.”

“The Emperor screws! The Emperor screws hard!”

“I’m just gonna enjoy myself: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkk ... – That’s better!”

“If you have a half-dwarf and a half-halfling, do you have a quarterling?”
“No, a harf.”

GM: “Okay, my campaign isn’t as good as Hawk the Slayer, I admit!”

“Can I have a repeating bolt crossbow?”
“Yes. It’s called a Bolter.”

“Fear the binary monkey of time!”

“I think you need sodomy.”
“Don’t you mean lobotomy?”

“This is … PINHEAD would take a step back and go, ‘woah’.”

“I’m almost Clive Barker! This is good!”

Player: “You’re making 40k characters sound good. SPEAKING OF WHICH!”
GM: “Thank you.”

“The Emperor likes.”
“The Emperor subscribes.”

GM: “Gain a fate point for finally doing something the GM actually wants for the first time in this game!”
Player: “Hey!”

“This ship is backing up! Please mind the Dreadnought!”

“The Dreadnought gets a blue disability badge, because he hasn’t got any legs.”
“The Emperor pays your parking ticket.”

“The parking has free parking after six, BUT IN WHICH TIME ZONE??”

“This reminds me of the session of Deadlands where we were missing a player and were really scared of dying and tried to procrastinate a lot.”
“That’s because this is the same thing.”

“No, not Monty Python! It’s too early!”

“As I walk through the shadow of the Emperor’s blowtorch, I fear no steel.”

“You’ll be wearing a blue helmet with an orange outfit … at the very least, the Style Police will arrive.”

“IS THERE A SINGLE XENOS NOT PRESENT ON THIS DIRTBALL?!”

“If anyone wants to text him and say ‘genestealers, genestealers!’ just to panic him?”

“Dude, it’s Space Marine. It’s more manly than that.”

“From where you are, you can see Gyos’s arse.”

“Somehow, carrying another Space Marine makes you harder to hit. Obviously, the Emperor is going, ‘…honourable’.”

GM: “You might want to use a Fate point, or you’ll lose an eye.”
Regaine: “But that’ll make me look cool!”

“First, there were Clown Marines. Then there were Hobble Marines. Now, there are Ninja Marines.”

GM: “You rolled 56 damage?! My crit table doesn’t even go that high!”

(After an epic death embrace of a genestealer)
Gyos?: “The Emperor smiles on you, brother.”
Viturus: “The Emperor always smiles on the Mantis when they do well.”

“I missed. Self-flagellation time.”

“It pops like a raisin. Wait, raisins don’t pop. Like a grape!”

“If we shot everyone who sends us into danger, all our Chapter heads would be dead.”

“Nartheecium, Narthessium … Tomayto, tomato.”
“I typed that to a friend the other day: tomato/tomato. It didn’t really work.”

“For additional information, see the fucking page I was already on and that said nothing!”

Calcion: “You just want to be the guy with the limp.”
Viturus: “Yeah.”
Drem’Tu: “The guy with the bionic leg. Like Sam Harrison!”

“We are TERRIBLE Space Marines.”

“Join me on the couch, brother! We shall watch re-runs of Cheers!”

GM: “Between 20 to 40 life signals.”
Player: “So we’re still going to die this session.”

“The Judge is very aware he has not broken a single law.”
“Asshole.”

“I have a helmet on, so you can’t see my face, but inside, I’m seething.”

“I’m okay with leaving it there if you all agree that it’s better if M is here in person for his head to be ripped off.”

“Can you turn it down a little? Or my quiet, whispering voice won’t have the same effect.”
“It won’t. It’s you.”

“I would say I have balls, but I don’t think I do.”

GM tells us there might just be another session after this one. Gasp! In fact, if we had all been present and not spent so much time talking about everything else, we could've finished it in this one ... but where would be the fun in that?

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