The Band (that's us) went to a casino to try and find clues as to the whereabouts of the Count's missing son. This meant Jack took a crash course in how to win at cards, Flora and Finn (aided by Jack, sort of) distracting the crowd by singing Grease medleys and Irish folk songs while Set broke into the "Staff Only" area, and Alyssiana distracting the big bad guy by taking him home to show her etchings, so to speak, even though she's normally a lesbian. Then we finished the session in style, by Set and Alyssiana's silver-munching ferret and later a Finn high on cocain and Valium ("I'm very concentrated but extremely not moving") staking out
This might get known as the "Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'Roll" session. For good reason.
”I reckon The Doors are gonna come through the doors!”
“The band? If they do, I’ll be a happy man! They have drugs.”
“Don’t remind me of Elixir.”
“Why? ‘Don’t take three of them at once’?”
“What about Wood? Did you SEE the voice acting?”
“God I hate Captain Planet.”
“That was our generation. We stood by and did nothing. But we loved the cartoon!”
“There was such a long, dramatic pause I wondered if you were having a stroke.”
GM: “Did you want a recap?”
Player: “A recap or a Redcap?”
GM: “Careful, you’re gonna get both at this rate.”
(later)
Player: “We ARE getting a Redcap recap.”
GM: “What do you want to do?”
Finn: “Hind behind the Troll!”
Jack: “Hide behind Finn!”
“It’s a PROPER Alan Moore beard. Children can get lost in it.”
“It’s how he eats.”
“I don’t even know who Alan Moore is.”
“He’s the Wizard of Birmingham.”
“Isn’t that Christopher Biggins?”
“It’s an independent die, an emancipated die. Let’s see if we can get it a passport.”
“Ahh, sweet lobotomy.”
“I’ve blocked all your puns out. All I hear is beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!”
“Isn’t that more annoying than the puns?”
“You missed a very good day yesterday.”
“That’s … one way of putting it.”
“Also, he’s a bit of a dick, but then, we all are.”
“I’m undercover. I don’t know whose cover I’m under, but I’m under them.”
“I’ll make it easy: not mine!”
“No, you’re a cold bi—(looks around, sees bunch of children in store) D4.”
“So how does this game work? You put some money in and then …?”
“You lose it!”
“Awww, it’s almost cute! Can we take it home with us?”
“I feel like Changeling and Deadlands are merging into one.”
“John Travolta, slash Elrond.”
“Reservoir Rings!”
“My brain hurts with the paradoxical backwardsiness!”
“Pookah, poker. Wordplay.”
“I didn’t mean it.”
“You say that like someone who’s shot a child with a gun from the fridge!”
“Turning to John Travolta.”
“Because it would make sense if John Travolta was Fae and in Nottingham.”
“He flew in on his private jet.”
(Pause) “…Actually, that would explain the Scientology quite well.”
Flora: “He’s not a rat, he’s just called Ratty. Like you’re called Finn, but you’re not Finnish.”
Finn (broad Irish accent): “How do you know I’m not Finnish?”
Flora: “You don’t sound it. Also, you don’t have a knife.”
“Okay, now I’m scared of Canadians!”
“I’ve just realised that if Flora gets drunk, she’s gonna get on a table and sing Greased Lightning.”
“Fabulous! Ply her with drink!”
“All I can see from here is her being seductive and him looking terrified.”
Set (to Jack): “And sir, try not to instantly win.”
Flora: “Are you suggesting that if I kiss Ratty, he might turn into a prince?”
Finn: “How much have you drunk?”
Flora: “Not enough.”
“Here’s how it works: you throw chips away and someone else wins them!”
“He’s one of THEM.”
“An idiot?”
“No, the other one!”
“A Pookah.”
“A text arrives on your phone.”
“There’s reception in the underground?!”
“Wait, we have PHONES now?!”
Alyssiana (reading out a text message): “ ‘I’m in the mood. Are you?’ ”
Player: “Subtle.”
Alyssiana: “Didn’t I just do something useful?”
Finn: “In the worst possible way!”
Player 1: “So you’re roleplaying the seduction rather than the mission?”
Player 2: “MissionARY.”
Player 1: “Oh, it would NEVER just be missionary.”
Player 3 (sings): “ ‘You can leave your hat on’ …”
“Back to the plot!”
“The disturbing thing is: this IS the plot!”
(A suggested planted text message) “LOL GR8 RHAPSODY LOL”
Set: “Just because I’m large doesn’t mean I can’t be stealthy.”
Finn: “Just because I’m medium-sized doesn’t mean I can.”
“We should do Summer Nights, it’s a duet.”
“Yeah, let's do that one next!”
(to Jack) “Don’t you have a sonic screwdriver? Why not? You should!”
(Finn, Flora and Jack perform the Bloodhound Gang’s The Bad Touch as a distraction)
Jack: “You sure you didn’t do this one, Finn?”
Finn: “You think Metallica did Whiskey In The Jar, you sit in a corner!”
Jack (sings): “ ‘You go sit in a corner’ …”
Finn: “THOSE AREN’T THE LYRICS!”
Player 1 (sings): “To Portugal and Spain …”
Player 2 (chiming in with P1): “…Over the hills and far away!”
Player 3: “We’re NOT doing the Sharpe theme!”
“He hates Sean Bean!”
“Danny Dyer seemed to like him.”
“Yeah, but that’s … Danny Dyer.”
“You do know that roleplayers do the best AND worst parties.”
“Jack doesn’t have to TRY being booed off, he’s just put words to a Thin Lizzy song.”
“I’m socially inept, not stupid. I’m not you.”
“It pointed to a clue – it’s a Sherlock Holmes ring!”
“No, more of a Scooby Doo ring.”
“Wait, your cook is a gay Vietnam war veteran ninja?!”
“Well, he’s not a ninja …”
“Does bending the rules always result in this?”
Jack's limo is equipped with a well-stocked drinks cabinet, and Finn needs a drink:
Player 1: “There’s whiskey in the cupboard.”
Player 2 (sings): “There’s whiskey in the bar-o!”
Player 3: “Whiskey in the car.”
“Roll for sex!”
“What do I roll?”
“Stamina and Performance!”
GM: “How detailed do my character sheets have to be to cater for the off-chance of one of you sleeping with them?!”
We can do euphemisms too:
“Or depending on how it’s done: dungeon crawling.”
“Only a Troll would get that.”
“Your … endeavours.”
“My side quest.”
“I managed to investigate his back office.”
“Orifice?”
“You’re still sick.”
“I’m learning sarcasm.”
“You still look sticky. Don’t touch me.”
“He swings like the wind, he does.”
“If we’re gonna do this, I’m gonna need me some H.”
“Hydrogen?”
Set: “We’re NOT staking out in a limo!”
Player: “How many bags is she carrying?”
GM: “Just a single carrier bag.”
Player: “Tesco or Asda?”
“Sleepy village, Sleepy Hollow, same thing.”
“I’m completely with it! I’m totally not on drugs!”
“Engines on full speed!” (runs off, then runs back the other way) “I’m running the wrong way again!”
“I don’t know what you roll for resisting copious drug use.”
“A professional stakeout followed by an insane Satyr on drugs sitting by the front gate.”
“His judgement is ALWAYS impaired. He’s FINN.”
The most surprising part is that the GM says we're making progress through the adventure surprisingly quickly. (!) Soooo remember to check back for more madness next week!
