Courtesy of Tuesday 28 June 2011’s 2nd Edition Changeling: The Dreaming adventure at Chimera.
(Explaining the Stephen King drinking game)
“Take a shot if the main character is a writer.”
“That’s in every single one!”
“Exactly! Take one if a character is from Maine.”
“That’s all of them as well!”
“Take one every time there’s a religious reference. If it’s The Stand, you’ll be on the floor about 20 minutes in.”
“It’s like the first time I listened to Tom Waits: I really don’t like this. Listen to it again: This is rubbish! Listening to it again … twenty times later: This is awful! I wonder if he’s got any other albums.”
“My sixth form was an academic hole in the ground, what can I say?”
“Half of my Psychology lectures were the teacher going on about her parrot.”
“Was your Psychology lecturer called Judy?”
“Roight. Time to get in character.”
“Irish justice!”
“Is that what they call it these days?”
Player: “And you spent most of the session stretched vertical. Or horizontal. Or both.”
Alysiana: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“What I wrote down last time was ‘My character’s limit is carrying around with him a photo of his own dick’, just in case anyone asks.”
“Well, as long as that’s the most important thing we need to take away with us from last session!”
“First I need to roll a bit without having an asthma attack. This might take a while.”
“I’ve not had a serious asthma attack in five years, so … Unless tonight’s the night!”
“Plus we’re facing a lawyer, and that always ends badly. Last time I met one of them I was hit by an injunction. There are several women I’m not allowed to be naked in front of because of a lawyer.”
Jack: “I’d be sent to juvie.”
Finn: “Flora’s basically a juvie!”
Flora: “I’m 19!”
Finn: “…Close enough!”
(to Jack) “So you’re fine with crack houses, but lawyers scare the hell out of you?”
“What makes you think I’d break into a house with you?”
“So it’s ME?!”
“Are you up for some breaking and entering?”
“Oooh, I haven’t had one of them in a while.”
“It’s like you’re casually discussing a meal! The casualness of it, ‘what shall we do tonight? Oh, just some breaking and entering’.”
Jack: “You’ll hear a voice in your head.”
Player: “You might have to differentiate yourself from the rest of the things in Finn’s head.”
“I think Alysiana’s been broken and entered enough this week already.”
“They punch you a bit first, all in good fun.”
“You all have earwigs.”
“Earwigs?! I assume you mean …”
“Yes. Not REAL earwigs!”
“It’s Changeling: The Dreaming, you never know!”
“Or maybe we just say we’re from Derby.”
“Really …?”
“Manchester? I woke up there once.”
“No! NO! I had that film repressed! Damn you! DAMN you!” (Spy Kids)
“Do you have ANY idea how strong a statement a Troll can make?”
“I think the amount of duress he was under would’ve made him tell the truth.”
“He’s wearing a dress?”
“Do you use your hands to scroll?”
“We’re not on CSI: Miami!”
Player 1: “Thing is, I’ve never got a Batman vibe from Jack. What I have got is an Iron Man vibe.”
Jack: “Woah, I’m now a different superhero! It changes hourly!”
Player 2: “Actually, a Nocker Iron Man would make perfect sense.”
Jack: “When you were there, did you notice any staff?”
Finn: “Staff? Not everybody has staff!”
GM: “It’s a three-bed semi.”
Set: “This is JACK we’re talking about. What is life without servants?”
“Are you conducting an orchestra or what?”
“My screen here is my 19’’ touchscreen. It changes things on the LCD as well.”
“Obviously!”
Set: “I can’t get a warrant to search for something that isn’t there anymore but MIGHT have been.”
“I know a way to avoid a police chase – don’t get fricken’ caught!”
Jack (to Finn): “Do you know the reason why I actually had to get a legal team? I didn’t use to need a legal team until I started hanging out with you.”
Finn: “Have I EVER gotten you arrested?”
Jack: “No! But do you know why you always get out the next day?
Finn: “I assumed it was my charming personality.”
Jack: “No, it’s about £500 a week.”
Finn: “There are corrupt policemen about, you should be careful! They can be bribed to keep me out of jail, and are seriously corrupt.”
“If they’re able to get me out of trouble, they can teach me a thing or two about getting into women’s knickers, I’m sure.”
“Oh no, that would be amazing! If you do, and I put him on my legal team on Tuesday, then he’d be on the legal team defending you for breaking into his own house!”
“And he explodes into an ontological paradox and we win!”
“He tears himself into two lawyers. It’s how they reproduce. Lawyers aren’t normal people.”
“I like my kneecaps where they are.”
“Mr. Ben is like Hustle, just not very skilled.”
“It’s all acting anyway, according to Perry Mason.”
“It would be like proper Transformers, but with filing cabinets!”
“Let’s break in already! I’m gettin’ a bit tense.”
“Don’t mock my plan!”
“I wasn’t mocking, I was pointing out.”
“Fair enough … ish.”
Alysiana: “It’s not always about sex! There are other things as well. There will be conversation … eventually.”
“My innuendo sense is tingling. To the Sexmobile!”
“My innuendo sense is tingling? BOY is it EVER!”
“To be fair, they were trying to piggalyse people.”
“…You can get a friendly Nocker to make one for you, or you can acquire it by beating old ladies.”
(Looking at the next table over)
“Look at that! It’s like a game show.”
“It’s like Dr. Frankenstein’s wet dream. I love it, thank you.”
“It’s only illegal if you believe in the law!”
“I tend to believe in fairies by looking in the mirror.”
“Didn’t you just kill two fairies?”
“No, if you clap, they come BACK to life! How can you not know this?! It’s like basic fairy lore, we’re goddamn fairies!”
“My book for next week is Peter Pan.”
“I do, I do, I do believe in fairies; I do, I do.”
“I think that’s a rave track.”
“I bet it’s the Sluagh. It’s always those guys that end up doing it, resurrection shrines and sleeping in coffins.”
“This is how we spend our Sundays.”
“Esoterical theological discussions.”
“While stoned.”
“Just lounging around in Wollaton Hall discussing these things!”
“We now have a greater understanding of the universe than we used to.”
“It’ll be like all of us hunched intently over a copy of Peter Pan, looking for the correct passages. It’s like we’re professors just on the verge of a great breakthrough.”
“To be honest, I can think of worse ways to spend a Sunday.”
Player: “What day are we on?”
GM: “Tuesday morning.”
Player: “Is that one of my working days?”
GM: “I think that’s for YOU to decide.”
“I don’t have any dice in Subterfuge, so this is what I’m going for.”
“Don’t forget to disable the security alarm.”
“I know. A brick, right?”
“Finn can never NOT botch this roll.”
“You know he’s not using Windows. He’s using some weird operating system that no one’s ever seen before outside of the particular film that he’s in. That’s how it works.”
“Have you noticed how characters in films never use a mouse?”
“Her name is Sarah. Or possibly Lilly.”
Finn: “Flora’s my new sidekick girl. We’re like Batman and Robin, except she’s a woman and I’m a drunk.”
Jack: “More like the Joker and a sidekick he hasn’t raped yet.”
Flora: “Thanks, that makes me feel better.”
GM: “It’s a normal kitchen.”
Player: “Is it so much like a kitchen it couldn’t possibly be a kitchen?”
GM: “There’s a pantry …”
Flora: “Does it have dead bodies in it?”
Finn: “Or pigs?”
GM: “No.”
Finn: “This is the best pantry we’ve ever been in together!”
Jack: “Use the mobile phone to film the room.”
Finn: “Won’t it run out of tape?”
“You’re reading a normal book and suddenly start to cry.”
“There’s a disturbance in the law.”
“Like a thousand little laws cried out and suddenly went quiet.”
“Can we stop quoting Force logic and try to break into the attic?”
(Next table over start singing The Hero of Canton)
“They’re not even roleplaying anymore; they just descended into Jayne appreciation.”
“Man, I love my evil plan! I must recite it to myself to make sure I’ve got it right.”
Jack: “Flora, there’s a small dongle in your pocket.”
Flora: “I beg your pardon?!”
Finn: “You have a small dongle in your pocket? I always thought you were a REAL girl.”
Flora: “We can just take the processor. It’s only this big.” (shows desktop size)
Jack: “You don’t have a Computing skill.”
Flora: “I KNOW.”
“Check these sweet beans out! They’ve got sausages in them and everything.”
“Are we watching this?”
“Can I have popcorn?”
“You can have beans!”
“All your beans are belong to us!”
Player: “Let’s phone him and offer to sell it back to him!”
GM: “You guys are SICK!”
“Let her be the evil bitch in this one.”
“Hippie stormtroopers?”
“Dude, my helmet makes a great bong!”
“Aaah, casual racism, how I’ve missed you.”
“Let me reiterate it to you with capital letters: WE. WILL. NOT. TELL. SETH. ABOUT. THIS.”
“Vincent van Gogh sounds like a really simple escape plan. Vincent, van, go.”
“Let’s not knock his head off, he might be a friend.”
“The costume room? We have a costume room?”
“This isn’t Changeling: The Dreaming, this is Mr. Ben: The Changeling.”
“Right, I’m going as a stormtrooper. It’ll be inconspicuous enough.”
“There’s that vagrant down in city centre carving Zs into things. Bring him in.”
“I’m gonna go to this meeting before we descend into metaphor.”
“In the background, you can hear someone being killed.”
“To be fair, what’s he gonna say? That he was attacked by Zorro and a smurf … on steroids.”
“It’s like stamp collecting, only more morbid.”
“You’re jamming your head in the fridge door now?”
“No, I just have an urge to suddenly showing up going, ‘‘ello ‘ello ‘ello’!”
Player 1: “Wait, people in hoodies aren’t suspicious?”
Player 2: “Not to (GM).”
GM: “Not in Nottingham!”
“My aunt met Tom Jones once when she was younger. Her view of him is, ‘he’s a dirty man!’ Apparently, he tried to proposition her while drunk in a park once.”
“It’s not unusual.”
“I think he drank my whiskey with the barbiturates in it.”
Player: “19 hours!”
Alysiana: “Look, I wasn’t doing it all the time …”
“All I can say is: field trip!”
“She’s an antiques dealer.”
“An antique stealer?”
“We do things on the fae, so it’s fine.”
“One guy, one girl, that’s all.”
“For 19 hours. 19 hours!”
“I was asleep for AT LEAST half an hour of that time!”
“God, that’s off-putting.”
“My god, I just roleplayed a laugh!”
“I don’t get him.”
“Let me put this in a simple way: meat and two veg.”
“What? You’re offering me dinner now?”
“You’ve been snorting sherbet again, haven’t you?”
“How could you tell? Is it because one of my eyes is purple?”
“He actually read some plot!”
“Oh my god, plot occurred!”
“We just start on plot, and then we finish.”
“How often do you come into the store?”
“Monday, Wednesday, Friday.”
“Today’s Tuesday.”
“Sometimes more often.”
“When you say, ‘send my regards’ … do you really mean ‘FUCK YOU ALL!’?”
There will be more Changeling again next week. While you’re waiting, you can interact with us on Faebook: S#!t Roleplayers Say.
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