This week, we found out that the pork-boiler was an old, scary-looking woman with a larder full of body parts. She came home and turned Jack into a pig after he slashed her with his sword. She was half boiled to death as a response. We then found a weird-lookin' door in her cellar, and decided to steal her charming old grandfather clock, even if it took four people to carry it. Then we ran into a Redcap who wasn't happy Set had arrested his homicidal granny.
”It can ferret us out!”
“I WASN’T GOING TO DO THE PUN, MAN! I wasn't going to do the pun!”
“But I was. I ALWAYS was.”
“You might not give a rat’s arse, but you give a ferret’s arse. You don’t want to lose that thing.”
“Did he just use ‘ferret’s arse’ as a persuasive argument?”
“What did you leave to me - hints, clues, whatever - that I would ACTUALLY know about?”
“We left Richard O’Brien! He’s going to take you through a crystal maze. You have to gain enough crystals to then grab enough paper to be able to get here.”
“You sounded so REAL when you said that!”
“Put my ears to either of the doors. Like a bear stealing porridge.”
“Yes, Goldilocks.”
(a compass pointing this way and that is found)
“Oh my god, they’ve killed Jack Sparrow!”
“Kick open the door: We don’t want nettle tea; we’re here for your bus pass, you silly biddy!”
“So you’re gonna knock her up?”
“I’ll put together a Molotov cocktail.”
“And we’re BACK to Deadlands!”
GM: “She pokes the cudgel at you and you turn into a pig.”
Jack: “YAY!”
(realising he’s about to be hit by boiling water, and not looking forward to it)
Set: “That …”
Finn: “I have an Intelligence of 2.”
Set: “Good point.”
“One success. And I’ve just stabbed myself with a pencil, which shows Finn is more athletic than I am.”
Set (morose): “ ‘Be a knight’, they said. ‘See the Dreaming’, they said.”
“If he botches, have her run into the oven and baste herself by accident.”
“I AM getting flashbacks to Deadlands now!”
“She’s got to dramatically fall into the oven. This is the Dreaming, after all.”
“I’m pissing on her.”
“Good to know.”
“Because I’m annoyed.”
GM: “You’re torturing her, basically …?”
Player: “I wasn’t going to use that word.”
“Bet when you wrote this you never thought that question was going to come up.” (if pigs can communicate with one another)
“It’s possible but improbable, seeing as how the GM said no.”
“I was going to yell for our door-making expert, but then I remembered he’s a fucking PIG.”
GM (going through what’s in the crates in a cellar): “Apples … salted pork … salted changeling.”
“I made a hat out of beer cans, it was EPIC.”
(After much faffing about regarding a funny-lookin’ door)
“This is a completely fucking normal door, isn’t it?”
“It’s like the transformation sequence from An American Werewolf in London” (realisation strikes) “…No one’s listening to me.”
“Guys, we need a key. This really IS turning into The Crystal Maze.”
Jack (pig-form): “Is the other pig male or female?”
Player: “OH GOD, ABORT! ABORT!!”
GM: “How many more pig questions am I going to have to answer?!”
“What’s the airspeed of an unladen pig?”
Finn: “The question is, how many pigs can we fit in a taxi later?”
Jack: “No, it’s ‘how many pigs can we fit in my LIMO’.”
“I’ll take your word for it. Which is probably the worst thing I’ve ever done, but let’s go with it.”
Set: “I’ve got a Strength of 5.”
Finn: “And he can jump. We’re taking the clock!”
GM: “I can’t wait to see you trying to carry a grandfather clock over a rickety rope bridge.”
“It’s a sentient being; I could argue it’s a kidnapping case.”
NPC (to Jack): “You have a mean and intimidating stare there, young piglet.”
“I’ll rub out the Seelie bit on my character sheet, shall I?”
“What we’re trying to avoid is the inevitable revenge.”
(lots of anti-words from various players)
Player 1: “Antimatter.”
Player 2: “Antigravity.”
Player 3: “Should we get back to the plot?”
“If it helps, I’m doing it because I like you.”
“Wow, I was right and wrong at the same time!”
“Isn’t she looking a bit beaten up?”
“Yeah, but that’s normal for Nottingham.”
GM: “I don’t know how to ask four people carrying a grandfather clock for a Stealth roll, but I’m going to have to.”
“She can barely walk, you gave her a good deckin’!”
“This is going to turn into Frankenclock – one that can tell everything.”
(Struggling to find words, then:)
“Player brain has shut down.”
“Reboot!”
“This is Nottingham. It could be a day or two before the police come.”
According to the GM, the adventure is actually finished - next week we'll be tying up some loose ends. There will be more Changeling in weeks to come, though. :) (Missing quotes about twirly pig bits? I've saving them for a rainy day.) This is it for now, however. Reminder: This weekend sees ChimeraCon 4, so we'll be back before Wednesday with some new Eclipse Phase quotes.
